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hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;)

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stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Oct 31, 07, 23:47 / #
im not polish and have been attracted to polish guys since i was 10 yrs old.... ;) my husband left 3yrs ago... im now in love with a polish man from warsaw, we've been seeing each other for the last 2 yrs..we're taking it slow, and its deff. growing... but im here tonite, because i need help "reading" this guy... He was alone previous for 5 yrs... never married, but had a few relationships. He just seems to get distant, then needs his space...and thats fine, if he'd only tell me. He had a hard child hood, so i keep giving him the benefit of doubt... it's like he loves me, then leaves me up on a shelf? .... is this typical?

pamlarougeThreads: 4 Posts: 68 Joined: Oct 27, 07	Nov 1, 07, 00:02 / #
Oy, so it is long distance. I posted a reply on the other thread you mentioned this subject on. Join the club, honey :) I'm in Florida and my guy is in Lodz. How old is this guy? After 2 years of him "needing his space," I can see how giving him the benefit of the doubt about his childhood could get old. Bottom line-the past is the past. Anyway, in my opinion, I don't think that putting someone on the shelf is normal. How often are you talking to him?

sledzThreads: 29 Posts: 3,202 Joined: Sep 19, 06	Edited by: sledz Nov 1, 07, 02:52 / #
Quoting: stasha is this typical? Yes , Hes lying to you Please move on hes totally using you

alexander007Threads: - Posts: 4 Joined: Oct 28, 07	Nov 1, 07, 03:31 / #
Quoting: sledz Yes , Hes lying to you Please move on hes totally using you woooo slow down, you don't know that for a fact, stasha I know this may seem abvious but have you asked him why he keeps doing this, it certainly is'nt typical, but at the same time there may be a legitimate reason as to why he is acting like this, I think it best that you ask him straight out tbh, life is too short to keep hanging on, if your being used it's best to find out sooner than later, and if you find out your not being used then your relationship can only grow stronger, anyway good luck, I hope either way you find what you are looking for.

sledzThreads: 29 Posts: 3,202 Joined: Sep 19, 06	Nov 1, 07, 04:37 / #
Im just being straight to the point..sorry I thought I would save her the time.

krysiaThreads: 26 Posts: 3,604 Joined: Aug 10, 06	Nov 1, 07, 08:07 / #
Quoting: stasha im now in love with a polish man from warsaw Did he come to Chicago two years ago? He might still be going through culture shock, getting used to the new country and sorting things out that's why he gets distant once in a while. And sometimes when involved in a new relationship, the mind goes crazy, you're so happy and too many thoughts at once so you need time to sort it all out.

marek sThreads: - Posts: 451 Joined: Sep 9, 07	Nov 1, 07, 08:14 / #
maybe you are pushing him at a pace that is too fast for him

miranda	Edited by: miranda Nov 1, 07, 08:18 / #
Quoting: stasha we've been seeing each other for the last 2 yrs.. that is long enough to decide where he wants to be, regarless nationality, circumstances, family history etc. PS. usually sorting things out is more like 2 weeks;)

sapphireThreads: 28 Posts: 1,418 Joined: Dec 7, 06	Nov 1, 07, 08:24 / #
Sounds like he is afraid of committment. After 2 years you have a right to know if its going somewhere or not, otherwise why waste time. My advice is next time he says he needs some space.. give it to him.. for good! Sorry, I know thats easy for me to say and very difficult if you love someone, but I think you need to call his bluff.. if he loves you the way you do him, then he wont want to lose you. If he thinks you are going to walk away then you find out for sure if he really loves you or not.

miranda	Nov 1, 07, 08:25 / #
Quoting: sapphire If he thinks you are going to walk away then you find out for sure if he really loves you or not. excellent point

krysiaThreads: 26 Posts: 3,604 Joined: Aug 10, 06	Nov 1, 07, 08:29 / #
Yes, Miranda and Sapphire have good points. Normally after knowing someone for 2 years you should be able to know what's going on, if you want to share your future together or what other plans you might have. He could also have some psychological problems from the past which he needs to forget but can't.

sapphireThreads: 28 Posts: 1,418 Joined: Dec 7, 06	Nov 1, 07, 08:34 / #
Quoting: miranda excellent point Thank you. Its easier said than done though when you really love someone. I sometimes wish I could follow my own advice. :)

miranda	Nov 1, 07, 08:38 / #
Quoting: sapphire Thank you. Its easier said than done though when you really love someone. I sometimes wish I could follow my own advice. :) excellent point again:)

stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Nov 5, 07, 21:11 / #
thank u guys for the honesty and straight upness! ;) im taking a step back... and day by day.

marek sThreads: - Posts: 451 Joined: Sep 9, 07	Nov 5, 07, 21:36 / #
Quoting: sapphire but I think you need to call his bluff.. if he loves you the way you do him, then he wont want to lose you. If he thinks you are going to walk away then you find out for sure if he really loves you or not. above is game playing. a women did that to me 10 years back, needless to say, she was back within 10 days saying she was sorry and blah blah blah.

stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Nov 5, 07, 21:53 / #
i dont believe in playing games, just being me.... sounds like you took her back, then what?

shewolfThreads: 5 Posts: 1,833 Joined: Dec 23, 06	Nov 5, 07, 21:55 / #
Quoting: stasha He just seems to get distant, then needs his space...and thats fine, if he'd only tell me. Maybe he's seeing other women when he gets distant with you.

stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Nov 5, 07, 21:57 / #
Quoting: marek s maybe you are pushing him at a pace that is too fast for him this is what could be too, so i think my stepping back and day by day is good. I believe he loves me in (in his way) in face i spent the whole weekend alone, it was peaceful, didn't know silence could be so energizing .... :)

stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Nov 5, 07, 21:58 / #
i meant .... (in fact)

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,412 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Nov 5, 07, 22:00 / #
Quoting: stasha is this typical? it may not be typical but who really is? on the shelf: he doesn't talk to you for weeks at a time?

stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Nov 5, 07, 22:03 / #
Quoting: shewolf Maybe he's seeing other women when he gets distant with you. i thought that too, and confronted him early.... but i believe him, very loyal person. he has just become comfortable alone.. as i said, he has been the sweetest since my X left.... i have time.

stashaThreads: 1 Posts: 11 Joined: Oct 31, 07	Nov 5, 07, 22:06 / #
Quoting: plk123 it may not be typical but who really is? on the shelf: he doesn't talk to you for weeks at a time? oh no, maybe 2 days.... the longest was 3. sometimes i think he just needs to be told, this isn't acceptable...so i have also become a much tuffer person with him. (i like it!) LOL

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,412 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Nov 5, 07, 22:14 / #
Quoting: stasha oh no, maybe 2 days.... the longest was 3 i'd say that's kind of normal.. if the relationship isn't all that serious.. doesn't mean he's playing the field.. loners like their space.

marek sThreads: - Posts: 451 Joined: Sep 9, 07	Nov 7, 07, 10:09 / #
Quoting: stasha sounds like you took her back, then what? i made her into a special friend after that. guess you can say i strung her along.

marek sThreads: - Posts: 451 Joined: Sep 9, 07	Nov 7, 07, 10:10 / #
Quoting: stasha oh no, maybe 2 days.... the longest was 3. sometimes i think he just needs to be told, this isn't acceptable...so i have also become a much tuffer person with him. (i like it!) LOL why must you speak with him everyday? people do like their space

pamlarougeThreads: 4 Posts: 68 Joined: Oct 27, 07	Nov 7, 07, 12:29 / #
Quoting: marek s why must you speak with him everyday? people do like their space I think most women would agree that serious relationship=talking on the phone every day-the two generally go hand in hand... Personally, if he is a "loner" then you have to decide whether or not you're okay with that aspect of his personality. Honestly, I think this might be a case of "he's just not that into you." :(

LucyndaThreads: 4 Posts: 89 Joined: Sep 18, 07	Nov 7, 07, 13:06 / #
I think it's okay as long as you don't mind his loner side? What's his sign? Is he a Virgo? That's a real loner sign, as well as some others.

marek sThreads: - Posts: 451 Joined: Sep 9, 07	Nov 7, 07, 15:08 / #
Quoting: pamlarouge I think most women would agree that serious relationship=talking on the phone every day-the two generally go hand in hand... how about if neither has anything meaningful to say. btw, how a womens day at work went isnt meaningful.

LATINAThreads: 5 Posts: 198 Joined: Feb 19, 07	Nov 7, 07, 16:26 / #
Quoting: stasha im now in love with a polish man from warsaw, I never believed in "long distance" relationships. I don't think they are realistic. Not even different states, but different CONTINENTS????!!!!!

pamlarougeThreads: 4 Posts: 68 Joined: Oct 27, 07	Edited by: pamlarouge Nov 7, 07, 18:31 / #
Well, Marek...it's not about whether or not YOU think it's meaningful, if one person in a relationship feels like they want to tell the other something, even mundane things, generally when you're in love someone you're happy to listen to what they have to say (within reason of course). That's how you build the relationship. Tastes and habits differ...but all the men I know who are and have been in serious relationships talk to their significant other every day or have some kind of live contact with them every day in one way or another. True, some guys just need their space, but, once again, my experience attests to the fact that when guys are really into a relationship, they can't get enough of the girl. Of course, both people need their space sometimes, but Stasha needs to decide if his needs for space are well-suited to her needs. Perhaps it's commitment issues or something else, but Stasha can't change that. Often I think it's just better to move on and let the guy work it out himself. Two years is a long time to go at a snail's pace if you ask me. I had a boyfriend like this, and I think most women have trouble being satisfied with someone who makes them feel as if their man is not that interested, despite being in love.

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