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Archives / 2005-2007 / Relationships, Marriage / posts: 16

Why Polish girl is afraid of a marriage?



Mateo   May 29, 07, 18:25 /  #
I'm Brazilian and I've met lovely polish girl.
In the beginning everything seemed to be ok. She was really nice and open (in a good way). We enjoyed company of each other and I felt in love with her. But when our discussions came to marriage she has changed. I can't understand her.
She doesn't want to me to pay for her any more, because she is not feeling uncomfortable with it (before it was ok), she is not happy when I show my affection to her in public (well I’m Latino and I can’t help myself to not kiss her) I feel that I'm loosing her.
It’s not that she doesn’t love me. For me she started learn Portuguese (it was her idea) and learn some things about my country. I know, I feel that she loves me.
From our friend I get know that she is afraid of cultural differences and that I might use her to get visa. How should I explain her that is not like that? Or maybe she doesn't want to get married? But why?
Sc0ttThreads: 7
Posts: 32
Joined: May 1, 07 		  May 29, 07, 18:31 /  #
Women are complex creatures my friend .
mlody   May 29, 07, 18:42 /  #
Maybe you've known each other too short and she's just not ready to get married?
Mateo   May 29, 07, 19:04 /  #
We know each other almost one year now. I'm 28, she's 21, but an age difference was never a problem for us. She is very mature and responsible for her age. And I know that in Poland a lot of girls in this age are getting married.
Oh yes, she is a complex girl…
mlody   May 29, 07, 19:11 /  #
If she's a student she probably prefers to wait until she finishes her studies...
adilskiThreads: 6
Posts: 136
Joined: May 19, 07 		  May 29, 07, 19:16 /  #
Quoting: Mateo
in this age are getting married

thats true but maybe she doesnt feel that marriage is suitable fro her at the moment.. ideally it is a great relationship to be in as marriage really reinforces your commitment if you want it to.. give it some time.. without the hassle and maybe tell her the benefits of the marriage.. also give her the option of not getting married ot you, if you are serious then the visa issue will definatly fall out of her mind
Mateo   May 29, 07, 19:22 /  #
Yes she's a student, but she's also working in Ireland for almost two years. She's studying part-time, by Internet. Just twice per year she has to go to Poland for her exams. But who knows, you might be right, mlody, maybe she wants to get her degree before marriage… I didn’t thin about it.
mlody   May 29, 07, 19:25 /  #
I'm sure this is one of the biggest reasons - if you think about it, it must have been a hard job for her to both work and study. I'm sure she wants to achieve her goal (finishing school) first, then she may think about marriage.
shewolfThreads: 5
Posts: 1,833
Joined: Dec 23, 06 		  May 29, 07, 19:48 /  #
It sounds like she really likes you but isn't ready for marriage. Not every woman at 21 feels ready to get married even if she's mature and even if other women her age are getting married. Keep in mind that many Polish women are Catholic and they don't believe in divorce. So, marriage means forever and that's a difficult decision to make at that age.
Mateo   May 29, 07, 19:53 /  #
I might try to speak with her, but each time when I'm starting speak about it she's nervous and she cut the topic off. I don't want to upset her, so for a while I won't "touch" this case. I just hope that it's not too late and I didn't scare her out...
shewolfThreads: 5
Posts: 1,833
Joined: Dec 23, 06 		  May 29, 07, 19:55 /  #
Just have fun around her, act like that's all you want and don't say anything serious to her. I think she'll forget.
MichalThreads: -
Posts: 2,408
Joined: Feb 27, 07 		  May 30, 07, 10:58 /  #
In fact, at 21, she is quite young for committment for the rest of her life. She is abroad, I imagine in Ireland and studying so she might simply have 'a lot on her plate' Do you know of any relationship she may have or have had had in Poland previously? It is difficult when you meet someone and you are both away from your respective homes and cultures-you tend to use each other for the moment. There is not really an age difference-there is eight years difference between my Polish wife and I and our marriage is a great success-we argue continually! Polish people are quite 'clicky', if that is the word, and I am just wondering if she may be getting over some relationship previously and fears yet another situation that is getting too serious. My advice is not to push anything too far-wait and see, that is the best option. If you are enjoying each others company that should be enough.
MateoThreads: -
Posts: 7
Joined: Jun 1, 07 		  Jun 1, 07, 05:58 /  #
Thanks for yours advices. Now I know how stupid I was and now I’m trying to fix it. Yesterday I spoke with her about it and she told me that she feel much better now, when I’m not pushing her to marriage. You were right - she first wants to finish her school, maybe travel a little, before he will have her family. Honest talk solved our problems :)
To Michal: I know some things about her previous relationship, and I know that her ex was cheating on her, I knew that from very beginning, because he told me that after that it’ hard for her to fully trust a guy. I know what people think about a faithfulness of Latino people, so you can imagine how long it took for me to gain her trust, and now I don’t want to waste it. And hopefully I didn’t spoilt this relationship.
By the way, now I feel a bit uncomfortable, since she knows more about my country and language that I know about hers. I’ll try to fix it, so I’ll stay longer on this site to get know more about Poles and improve my poor polish, dobze? :)
Thanks again
mommao   Jun 1, 07, 06:45 /  #
from my experience when u may start talk about marriage plan but no need to move fast for 21 year old lady. i get marriage when i am 35. i talked with 5 ladies before i got one. finally i divorce. i like when time change u may want to change something.
sapphireThreads: 28
Posts: 1,418
Joined: Dec 7, 06 		  Jun 1, 07, 07:09 /  #
Quoting: mommao
i talked with 5 ladies before i got one. finally i divorce.

well done!
marrylove   Jun 1, 07, 07:17 /  #
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