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Archives / 2005-2007 / Relationships, Marriage / posts: 9

he wants to get marry with me but I dont



7up   May 4, 07, 14:39 /  #
I have boyfriend from 6 years . We love each other so much . He always ask me to get marry but I dont want. I feel much love with this satuation. I am fear to change after marrige so I always refuse to get marry. Am I right???
Craig   May 4, 07, 15:28 /  #
Yes I think you are . I know people , and hear about even more that have been together for years and got married and split up shortly after . I would question why he wants to get married so much . Does he just want to own you? If your happy as you are stay as you are.
ukinpolandThreads: 11
Posts: 444
Joined: Jan 16, 07 		  May 4, 07, 15:35 /  #
Thats a very sad view on marriage. Maybe he wants the whole world to know how much he loves you. Getting married doesnt mean you will split up, it can even make things better.

Bottom line is if you dont want to get married because you are worried it wont be good between you anymore I dont think you should worry. You sound very happy and marriage is just another step in our lives. Dont think that he wants to own you , but he wants to know you belong to each other in a good way.

If you dont want to get married because you just dont want it then dont do it. <smily>
Craig   May 4, 07, 16:07 /  #
Sad view or not I have seen it happen a few times to people in my social circle. You obviously don't like the idea of getting married, so marring him to please will only compound the issue and make you feel trapped. You don't want the "Your my wife" crap when you have a little argument . Don't do it! save your self. If he wants long term comitment tell him to buya dog.
ukinpolandThreads: 11
Posts: 444
Joined: Jan 16, 07 		  May 4, 07, 16:17 /  #
Quoting: Craig
Sad view or not I have seen it happen a few times to people in my social circle


wlasnie. You have seen it a few times.
JuliePotockaThreads: 6
Posts: 208
Joined: Nov 19, 07 		  Nov 20, 07, 04:20 /  #
If she doesn't want to be with you forever, then perhaps it's time to find someone who would be happy to commit to marry you. She will never give her all to you!

I've heard this same crud over and over from men, who used that exact same excuse with me. Why? They wanted to make sure they had an open door, in case some other something better came by.

Myself, I wish to marry someone, travel, have a life and grow old with them. My own mother wonders why I've never married or had children - I told her because I want the man to commit fully, not be afraid to share his life with mine. I don't desire to have a stereotypical oldstyle relationship - that's stuff tv shoved down our throats, anyway. I need a partnership, someone who doesn't mind cleaning the dishes after I slaved over the stove making dinner, or helping to match the sock pairs, and helping to clean the house. I even enjoy washing cars, with help!

Virtually every guy has cheated on me, and been caught - by me. As of yet, I have resigned myself that a dedicated man doesn't exist for me as of yet. I am still hoping and looking, but it isn't the focus of my life.

I wish you the best, in your decision. I don't buy that people change after marriage - you just have to talk over expectations, and be truly honest. That is where people revert and lie, after they marry, with unreal expectations.
marek sThreads: -
Posts: 451
Joined: Sep 9, 07 		  Nov 20, 07, 13:44 /  #
Quoting: ukinpoland
Thats a very sad view on marriage

its very very relaistic view Craig stated
marek sThreads: -
Posts: 451
Joined: Sep 9, 07 		  Nov 20, 07, 13:49 /  #
Quoting: JuliePotocka
I've heard this same crud over and over from men, who used that exact same excuse with me. Why? They wanted to make sure they had an open door, in case some other something better came by



ever think something about you warrents them to want an open door??
RakkyThreads: 10
Posts: 284
Joined: May 23, 07 		  Nov 20, 07, 14:04 /  #
Quoting: 7up
I am fear to change after marrige so I always refuse to get marry. Am I right???

Change is inevitable. It is the universal constant. You will change. He will change. You will both change, both as individuals and as a couple. Hopefully you will grow. The challenge in a marriage is growing together as opposed to growing apart. Successful marriages are based on growing together. If this is a man you can see yourself doing that with, your fears are unfounded. With all the love you already have between the two of you to build upon, I don't think you will grow apart.
If you haven't changed in ways that frighten you in the 6 years you've been together already, why project that you will in the future, just because you are married?
Are you two already 100% faithful to one another? Do you live together? Are you totally committed to one another? Is he your best friend, and are you his? What would change if you were married? Is there some aspect of either of your lives that you would not have if you are marred, and cannot live without? If so, it may be too soon. If not, what's the problem?
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