Everyone getting married?

erialc43:

Marriage isn't the problem, its the options we sometimes get wrong.

i agree sometimes when you are going through problems running away to pasteurs new appers to be the "right" option-unfortunately it is the wrong option-however painful it seems problems need to be sorted -when the result is to stay or go-not evaded.
Member
Posts: 90
Joined: May 6, 08

LiluThreads: 4 Posts: 47 Joined: Nov 16, 07	Apr 24, 08, 01:59 / #
Lately it feels like I have been caught in a weird little twilight zone of friends now getting married and engaged. And it really hit me the other day when my x got engaged. It's weird .. bc he's only 23 and the odd thing is that it kinda turns my stomach bc of the hell he put me threw ... but it's like why are people rushing to get to forever? I have been in too many weddings of friends and so far there are 2 divorces bc they rushed into things. Puppy love and lust do not last ,you really have to know every flaw and strength , all the goals and expectations, do you want kids and ect. But wow people get caught up in the wedding ohh its gonna be great and then forget about the actual marriage .. what's wrong here? 20 somethings are rushing off to get married to people they do not even know well and they want take whole fantasy idea of marriage but you have to take the good and the bad . It's a big life changing moment not changing oil in the car? For me right now it went from fun to scary because before you really don't think in the future that far with who ever you are dating but now marriage is springing into this bubble and it's scary and I can't believe that they rush into it blind to rush out with sooo much heart ache. Why are people soo impatient? Forever is a long time why rush when you are young to get to that alter ? It's amazing when you find that special moment but now a days there are soo many divoces you really need to talk about everything with your other half goals , expectations, past histories, ect, so there are no suprises . It's just odd to me , bc love is wonderful but you need to be on the same page before you jump to a new chapter.

LondonChickThreads: 43 Posts: 1,261 Joined: Nov 19, 07	Apr 24, 08, 02:31 / #
I'm guessing that you're using this post to get your thoughts down in writing, trying to make sense of how you feel about everyone getting married. The important thing to bear in mind is that you've got to do what's right for you. Try not to get sucked into comparing yourself where other people are in their lives.... it's not a race :) I've been happily married since my late 20s (am 32 now), and now I'm seeing a lot of my friends have children. That's brilliant for them, but there's no way that I am ready for children right now - too many other things going on right now. But I'll take things at my own pace.

LiluThreads: 4 Posts: 47 Joined: Nov 16, 07	Apr 29, 08, 01:01 / #
It's just akward how quickly the line of just dating turns into we have to get married right away.

LondonChickThreads: 43 Posts: 1,261 Joined: Nov 19, 07	Apr 29, 08, 02:44 / #
Nah... it's just a sign that we're all getting old :)

LiluThreads: 4 Posts: 47 Joined: Nov 16, 07	Apr 30, 08, 17:24 / #
Maybe ..

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,412 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Apr 30, 08, 17:33 / #
marriage is way, WAY overrated. :)

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Apr 30, 08, 17:34 / #
I second that

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,412 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Apr 30, 08, 17:36 / #
all those who agree say Yeah!... all those who opose.. well, don't say a thing.. :D :D

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Apr 30, 08, 19:23 / #
The man from Del Monte didn't say yes this time

DaydreamerThreads: - Posts: 59 Joined: May 2, 08	May 3, 08, 19:25 / #
I so know what you mean it's getting like noah's arc in mind part of the world everyone in pairs. I agree with Pkl marriage is way overrated. If it ain't broke don't marry it but then I suppose you could also say if it is broke don't marry it esp the more money orientated amongst us so the conclusion of it all is don't marry anyone under any circumstances, if you do forever you will be doomed to thinking it a treat to go around Ikea on a saturday afternoon and you will use 'we' instead of I as part of normal conversation erk....

marek sThreads: - Posts: 451 Joined: Sep 9, 07	May 9, 08, 19:04 / #
better to be single

KaziaThreads: - Posts: 21 Joined: Feb 22, 08	May 9, 08, 19:12 / #
marek s: better to be single But not alone !

angelThreads: 17 Posts: 88 Joined: Jan 8, 08	May 10, 08, 18:31 / #
i am not sure you ever really know someone-sometimes people change so what felt right and lead to marriage-can feel wrong?how long do you take to get to know someone?-what is the reason to marry?-to inform the world of you love? finacial security? children?companionship? when i married it was for all of those things-i didnt expect to get divorced i saw marriage as a committment for life- sickness health richer poorer etc- and i thought my x-husband felt the same-but he had a different idea-once the kids were "old" enough we should go our separate ways-something he failed to communicate-but in his mind he couldnt see what was wrong with this. i would get married again for all the reasons stated earlier

Patrycja19Threads: 79 Posts: 3,972 Joined: Oct 31, 06	May 25, 08, 10:34 / #
Neil63: Everyone needs somebody, when you come home at the end of the day having someone there for you is nice.... really nice - but being married just doesn't guarantee you anything, no matter how hard you both work at it. no it doesnt.. so I agree with this.

LiluThreads: 4 Posts: 47 Joined: Nov 16, 07	May 5, 08, 01:11 / #
Well the whole "we " talking is mostly the more dominant of the two who is making 99% of the decision anyway . But I really don't know What happened to just getting to know someone, really getting to know them. It scares me that there is this rush that is added now a adays and I feel a little torn at times too because It would be wonderful to be married BUT when it is right not because it's the it thing to do or because some magazines say I might be too old by the time im 27 which is rediculous! I'm 22 so there is completely no rush . Everything takes time and in this high speed world now waiting to go to the alter is like pulling teeth. Why rush to into forever without being sure? I get the whole "love" thing but is it Love or is it Lust? It's really sad if you take a look at all these people that are divorced and now a days it's becoming normal for a divorced person to be divorced several times!!! It's crazy I have been dating my bf for 2 1/2 yrs and a friend of ours and his gf were baffled that our parents haven't met already ( to dicuss marriage) , and that we took our time getting to know each other and fall for each other with out bs before we said those three little words. AND they just started dating like 4 months not even, already he got her a journey necklace which is supposed to represent the time you have spent with a person getting to know them and memories ect. I was in tears laughing like what is this great journey you are on here ? Trying to figure out how many people it takes to screw in a light bulb maybe... Buy the rate they are going they will be down that isle and crying when the bill from the lawyers come.

erialc43Threads: 3 Posts: 48 Joined: May 6, 08	May 9, 08, 19:44 / #
I've been married and divorced twice, at 43. Life is for living and being adventurous. I would marry again, if the right opportunity (PERSON) came along. If people stopped thinking that marriage is forever, then more would not be afraid to marry and just experience the pleasures involved. Years ago, marriage meant until one of you died and people died much younger. Now marriage means until you are 70, 80, 90 plus so little wonder people are scared to commit. I am not cynical about marriage at all, marry if it makes you both happy. I would never be prepared to live with a man and never get married to him. If the majority of people here have happily married parents still, then surely thats more a reason to have the same for yourself, if you can find it but you're never going to know unless you do it.

LiluThreads: 4 Posts: 47 Joined: Nov 16, 07	May 16, 08, 00:45 / #
angel: i saw marriage as a committment for life- sickness health richer poorer etc exactly I think alot of people run into marriage blindly with out talking about everything . I have seen that happen already with a few friends and it's that puppy love stage but you really need to know it all and they need to know you too what goals and expectations you have and vice versa and you have to keep communicating threw all that no matter what and some people jsut get tunnel vision with the whole puppy love what happens after the goo gooo gaa gaa phase has lifted?

CryptoThreads: 1 Posts: 41 Joined: Nov 10, 06	May 16, 08, 01:41 / #
erialc43: committment for life I agree, getting married shows that you want to be committed to the relationship for life. And if that is not the case, why would you want to get married?

erialc43Threads: 3 Posts: 48 Joined: May 6, 08	May 16, 08, 11:38 / #
Nothing is for life anymore, jobs, or marriage. Try it, if it doesn't work, get diivorced and try again. Marriage isn't the problem, its the options we sometimes get wrong.

angelThreads: 17 Posts: 88 Joined: Jan 8, 08	May 24, 08, 07:46 / #
erialc43: Marriage isn't the problem, its the options we sometimes get wrong. i agree sometimes when you are going through problems running away to pasteurs new appers to be the "right" option-unfortunately it is the wrong option-however painful it seems problems need to be sorted -when the result is to stay or go-not evaded. Member Posts: 90 Joined: May 6, 08 you certainly have to work at a marriage or any other important relationship. with marriage its not just about those "love "feelings its about respect responsibility and communication and if you do not want to be responsible for someone else and only communicate what you want but do not listen to your partner- and if you only want good times and do not respect that things can not be good all the time do not marry.

Neil63Threads: 9 Posts: 58 Joined: Apr 29, 07	May 25, 08, 10:29 / #
I am 45 and I was always a staunch believer in marriage and traditional things. But I have learn t in life that what feels right today may not be in the future - people change and you have very little control over that. Everyone needs somebody, when you come home at the end of the day having someone there for you is nice.... really nice - but being married just doesn't guarantee you anything, no matter how hard you both work at it.

angelThreads: 17 Posts: 88 Joined: Jan 8, 08	May 26, 08, 06:26 / #
Neil63: but being married just doesn't guarantee you anything, no matter how hard you both work at it. i agree there are no "gurantees" with anything-i think want i was trying to say is not to give up at the first hurdle-of course no matter how hard you work at a relationship if its over its over-theres no point flogging a dead horse. humans are not meant to be alone we function much better together and if there is true love and mutual respect many relationships do stand the test of time-we are all looking for this if we are honest

argumentive36Threads: 1 Posts: 33 Joined: May 18, 08	May 26, 08, 06:51 / #
Personally I would need t okow someone well before marrying them. But I beleive It is all a matter of luck. There are no guarantees in life, I think you can marry someone you just met and know them more than one hour and yet be happy forever and ever, and on the other hand you can marry someone you have known for over 10 years and divorce them the next day.

Neil63Threads: 9 Posts: 58 Joined: Apr 29, 07	May 27, 08, 13:37 / #
I think marriage should come with a public health warning - a bit like on the side of a packet of cigarettes, maybe something like "Warning getting married can seriously damage your health (and your wallet)"