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Dating a Polish guy..acceptance in family?


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aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 14:53 /  #
Ok, So I'm Australian but half Chinese and Irish and dating a polish guy, and at times it feels like his family doesn't accept me (they are pretty traditional)...its bad enough that I don't speak much polish but I understand heaps (and can always here the mum and gf talking about me in polish) but yeah...his mum and brothers gf always refer to me as "Ona" which I find a little rude...because in Australia I remember if I referred to someone as "she" the teacher would tell me off...is it maybe a culture thing?

And when I do something that is different it is always questioned by everyone (like why am I toasting the bread when its fresh?) to *shock horror* "She's not catholic?" as well as many other things

S anyway, just wondering what other people experiences are of dating a polish person are and of mixing in with the family (the good and the bad) cos sometimes...I feel like banging my head against a wall

Any tips/advice would be great

Would kinda like to have abit of relationship with the family
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		Edited by: gtd   Oct 21, 08, 14:57 /  #
If you look Asian that's the big issue. Poles don't want to admit it but they are a fairly racist bunch...especially the older ones.

And yeah the not being Catholic thing just compunds your problems.

Just be yourself...as long as your bf loves you that's the important thing. You cannot change people you can only hope they will be mature enough to see you are a good person and not some 'gasp' asian foreigner.

I have an asian friend who is with a Polish girl and he gets loads of dirty stares and comments. It's just the nature of living in a mostly white conservative country.
SeanusThreads: 22
Posts: 30,158
Joined: Dec 25, 07 		  Oct 21, 08, 15:01 /  #
I think there may well be a lack of acceptance at first, just like in some Asian cultures. They may only like complications in a language they can argue with sb in, LOL.

Seriously tho, I have had a good experience so far with my GF's parents. Maybe it's cuz I am just that, the kinda guy u can take back to ur parents. However, I have earned their trust in many ways, a sure bet in their eyes. Win their trust if u can, that's a challenge 4 u.

I think u have just been unlucky in meeting ultra-traditional and conservative folk. It could also be that u r part Asian. They don't always have the most favourable of impressions when it comes to Asians. Sad but true!!
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 15:10 /  #
Yeah thats what I thought

I don't look that asian...people only really notice when I tell them, but you can see that I'm mixed

Don't know about winning their trust lol

Had some situations such as bf not finishing school which they think I should be responsible for but really, I can't tell him what to do!? To goddamn who knows what...I think me just being from another country is a big thing with them

And theres always the fact that I made the ciocia a nun cry with my mere presence
(I swear I didn't do anything..its a long story..but yeah, she cried..in public..Think I will be going straight to hell)

Ah well, maybe I'll get a handle on the language so to argue with them?
That should be alright, all poles like a good argue!
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 15:20 /  #
You will always be an outsider as you are not Polish. It's not to say you cant have a great relationship but they will never accept you 100% (most likely) and Mom will always blame you for anything her 'baby' does wrong.

It's life. Just try to enjoy the time with him and get through family meetings.
miranda   Oct 21, 08, 15:42 /  #
gtd:

You will always be an outsider as you are not Polish.

some people who are Polish are not accepted into Polish families, so it depends on the family I guess.
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 15:44 /  #
Ah well bless me then with dating a guy whose family comes from a small place and are devout catholics and traditional

I am blessed lol
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		Edited by: gtd   Oct 21, 08, 15:45 /  #
Agreed...I did say most likely. But its the same all over...people accept their own more than outsiders. It's just more pronounced in some cultures.

Go take your polish self to Saudi and see how well they accept you ;)

Hey I have never even made a nun cry...that is AWESOME!!
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 15:58 /  #
Thats true..its just gets me down as in my family we have chinese, japanese, jewish, and australian and I know if he came to my place he would be accepted with wide open arm but thats coming from a very multicultural country

Not only did I make the nun cry, but I also made her never to want to return to the family home during vacation and she actually moved to another family members home

*secretly makes me laugh*
But I have a straight face when discussing this with my bf
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:01 /  #
Christ....she must have been one thin skinned nun as you hardly seem the nasty type.
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:06 /  #
I reckon..the issue was that I stayed the night there..even though my bf asked for permission which was granted (though its not her home), we slept in different rooms and she didn't even see me the first night! But as I was still there te next day..that seemed to be an issue!

Maybe I should've told her "Przepraszam"...
southernThreads: 116
Posts: 10,955
Joined: May 17, 07 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:07 /  #
Start drinking vodka and you will gradually become more polish.
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:08 /  #
Oh im defintely polish on that front!

I can outdrink my bf and his mates

But his family isn't the drinking type...only wine is accepted, and only with sunday lunch
southernThreads: 116
Posts: 10,955
Joined: May 17, 07 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:10 /  #
aussie_expat:

I can outdrink my bf and his mates

But his family isn't the drinking type...only wine is accepted, and only with sunday lunch


You have to convert them.I think this is outrageous behaviour.
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		Edited by: gtd   Oct 21, 08, 16:13 /  #
Drinking is a skill that becomes less and less admirable the older you get.

It is overrated. How many people over 25 do you know that are impressed by boozing hard? Not saying people shouldn't drink or anything (so that the the below comments are not hypocritical)...I am not a prude...just saying it is only 'cool' to kids to get hammered...kids and klochards (sp?)

Re the nun thing...I hate people that project their values onto you in such arcane ways. Sleeping in the same building while not married???? The shame!! How can the devil resist that debauchery??
southernThreads: 116
Posts: 10,955
Joined: May 17, 07 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:15 /  #
gtd:

How can the devil resist that debauchery??


I cannot resist.
The problem with polish families is that they are usually more interesting than their daughters,so you may switch targets.
southernThreads: 116
Posts: 10,955
Joined: May 17, 07 		Edited by: southern   Oct 21, 08, 16:23 /  #
gtd:

Ewwwwww....


Yes,I mean it is interesting to discuss with members of the family,eat the food and gradually you forget the princess.
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:25 /  #
Yeah...I just pictured you snogging a babcia in the hall or something.
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:28 /  #
You should've been there when I was being practically interrogated by the nun!

Nun "Are you parents catholics?"
Me "No"
Nun "But isn't your father Irish?"
Me "He's an athiest"
Nun "So you're not catholic?"
Me "No"
Nun "But you've been blessed yes?"
Me "No"
Nun "Oh..."*alarmed look*

Ah gotta love the traditons that run deep!
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:31 /  #
It's insane! I mean it is like some ridiculous witch hunt. Those kind of people drive me batty. Leave me the hell alone zealots!!

Thats what happens to you when you spend you whole life without getting some at least once.
aussie_expatThreads: 7
Posts: 41
Joined: Aug 9, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:33 /  #
gtd:


Yeah...I just pictured you snogging a babcia in the hall or something.


I too had that thought lol
Filios1Threads: 15
Posts: 1,953
Joined: Nov 13, 07 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:35 /  #
gtd:

Poles don't want to admit it but they are a fairly racist bunch...especially the older ones


And what gives you the right to make such a statement?
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:36 /  #
My experience living in Poland for several years.

I know you are looking for a fight man...it's your M.O.
Filios1Threads: 15
Posts: 1,953
Joined: Nov 13, 07 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:40 /  #
So you are pro-Israel, anti-Muslim, and think Poles are racist...
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		Edited by: gtd   Oct 21, 08, 16:42 /  #
Nope but great try pidgeon-holing me.

I will clarify for your simplistic view:

I think Islam is a mess...as I do all religion...but at this time in history Islam is causing more trouble than any other.

I am not 'pro-israel' I am pro freedom and think Israel does some nasty stuff too.

I do not think Poles are racist...I KNOW it. All races are racist and some more than others. Poland is a homogenous culture (look it up it doesn't mean gay before you get excited) and mostly white. I have seen much racism here and it is a fact not me hating on Poland. I have also seen racism in every place I have been...but again Poland more than many.

I know you will have something to say about it but I guess I am not interested :)
Filios1Threads: 15
Posts: 1,953
Joined: Nov 13, 07 		Edited by: Filios1   Oct 21, 08, 16:52 /  #
gtd:

think Islam is a mess...as I do all religion...but at this time in history Islam is causing more trouble than any other.


Good for you.

gtd:

I am pro freedom


Funny you say this.
So how do you feel about the Jewish-Palestinian problem? You are siding with the Jews?

gtd:

Poland is a homogenous culture

gtd:

and mostly white


Umm, yeah, as most Poles are...

gtd:

...but again Poland more than many.


Yawn... if you don't like it, why don't you start going around Polish schools with poster boards full of pictures of black, white and asian children playing together in the happy American and Canadian schools, and preaching tolerance.
ukpolskaThreads: 51
Posts: 2,238
Joined: Oct 23, 06  Gold Member MEMBER 		  Oct 21, 08, 16:56 /  #
gtd:

My experience living in Poland for several years.

You have lived in Poland for several years and you still cannot sort out your Karta Pobytu, come on you are full of crap.
Anyone who has lived here for several years would now how to apply for their documents unless they are stupid of course. If you are going to bullzhit at least keep it consistent ffs.
gtdThreads: 3
Posts: 875
Joined: Sep 8, 08 		Edited by: gtd   Oct 21, 08, 16:56 /  #
Oh **** off filios...I am not interested in arguing with you. Nothing can come from it.

UK...yes I have lived here several years...I am sorting it just as everyone else is...difficultly...as the rules keep changing and even the officials tell you the wrong things. I can only know the process as they tell me and it is never the same from time to time. Once again you blame me for Poland's inconsistencies. It doesn't fly nor is it a meter of my character.

Tell me how it makes me stupid or ************ to have the same problems everyone else who complains about it on this board and everyone else I have talked to is having? Really? Are we all stupid? Can you honestly say that? Or can you be honest enough to acknowledge that bureaucracy can be the problem?

This is only my second time applying and for a different reason...before I didn't need to do this. So really I am interested in knowing how your last comment applies now?
ukpolskaThreads: 51
Posts: 2,238
Joined: Oct 23, 06  Gold Member MEMBER 		  Oct 21, 08, 17:01 /  #
lol, keep on believing yourself, someone has to ...
Polishlover2009Threads: 3
Posts: 10
Joined: Mar 23, 09 		  Mar 29, 09, 05:27 /  #
We are in such similar situations! Although I have just started dating a polish guy and haven't met the family yet but sort of scared as I will be later this week....and now a bit worried cus I am falling like a crazy person head over heels for my Polish boy and I too am a mixed 'raced' Australian girl!

I mean I am white due to mums side, but my father is Polynesian/Chinese so I got more of the Angelina Jolie look, my guy thinks im beautiful, I just get scared of parents approval. :s

Anyway I personally think if he adores dont worry about his family, I mean when you guys get married justmake sure you live far and dont do a Everybody Loves Raymond deal lol.

I wish you all the best and wish me luck too!!!
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