I'm pregnant by my Polish boyfriend but he wants me to abort it!

thearcher:

hi all, thanks for all your comments. he called me today to say that he is sorry for everything and really worried about me but if i go ahead with the pregnancy he wouldn't want to leave the baby but is trying to make me feel guilty because it's "messing up his life plans"!!
also he is terrified in case that new girl in poland finds out about me (but doesn't seem to care that i know about her) in case it ruins his chances of having a future with her!! unbelievable! i mean this wasn't exactly in my plans either and he's never actually met her yet just contact over the internet.
i just have to accept the fact that he's not going to be involved in any decision i make. i've never met someone so selfish in my life!

thearcherThreads: 1 Posts: 3 Joined: Apr 20, 09	Apr 21, 09, 00:13 / #
hi all i've been with my polish boyfriend for almost a year until last month he started ringing and texting another girl constantly and i overheard his plans to go meet her in poland and telling her he was completely single so we had a huge fight. now i find out that i'm 2 months pregnant. it was a big shock but his reaction shocked me even more, he has no plans to stay here and wants me to go to the uk to abort it. i'm upset and confused to say the least, i'm not usually a naive person but i really thought he was better than this, me being from another country didnt seem to bother him the whole year we were together... and i really don't like the idea of raising a child on my own, i would prefer the child to have a father. plus there's the financial worries and the thoughts of telling my own family im dreading my fathers reaction, he's a big believer in marriage before kids etc. i've never been so confused in my life i have no clue what to do as both keeping or aborting the baby will be hard... it hurts even more that he's still constantly talking to that girl and seems even more determined to meet her now... i don't want any religious lectures here i'm looking for advice from people who have maybe been in similar situation? do you have any regrets / advice??

Arise_St_GeorgeThreads: 15 Posts: 572 Joined: Mar 8, 08	Apr 21, 09, 00:21 / #
Do what you feel is right. If you're catholic then religiously speaking no you should not have it aborted. If you choose to abort your child you may come to regret it later. It may affect you mentally and emotionally. Surely you have family there that can give you a hand? Don't let your "boyfriend" make the decision. YOU should decide for yourself. I personally do not favour abortion.

niejestemcapitaThreads: 3 Posts: 666 Joined: Jan 3, 09	Edited by: niejestemcapita Apr 21, 09, 00:22 / #
theres no answer, you know yourself.....whatever you do will be difficult. Arise St George she specifically asked for no religious lectures.

pgtxThreads: 49 Posts: 6,327 Joined: Feb 14, 09 MEMBER	Edited by: pgtx Apr 21, 09, 03:26 / #
i agree, it is your decision... do what you think is right... i only want to add that you shouldn't be so negative about your family... they may be a bigger support then you think...

freebirdThreads: 3 Posts: 638 Joined: Jun 8, 07	Apr 21, 09, 03:40 / #
thearcher: hi all i've been with my polish boyfriend for almost a year until last month he started ringing and texting another girl constantly and i overheard his plans to go meet her in poland wake up little Susie, drop that sob and find you someone else. He ain't worth thinking about.

BzibziohThreads: 6 Posts: 3,657 Joined: Oct 15, 08 [Suspended]	Apr 21, 09, 04:00 / #
Abortion is a drastic step. You may regret that: emotional toll is huge. If nothing else consider giving kid for adoption. Don't even bother talking to that loser boyfriend of yours

destin2008Threads: - Posts: 2 Joined: Apr 21, 09	Apr 21, 09, 04:01 / #
Polish or not he is not your man, why would you want him to be your family?. Anyways, Polish boys don’t grow up till they are in their late 20’s so if he is under 27 forget it. God’s hand is very strange sometimes, me and my husband are trying to get pregnant for 4 years now with no luck so far..

freebirdThreads: 3 Posts: 638 Joined: Jun 8, 07	Edited by: freebird Apr 21, 09, 04:04 / #
Bzibzioh: Abortion is a drastic step. You may regret that: emotional toll is huge it's still better than mess up her's and her baby's life. destin2008: God’s hand is very strange sometimes, me and my husband are trying to get pregnant for 4 years now with no luck so far.. do you consider to get some help? So far it worked out anytime I tried. :-)

PeepopsThreads: 3 Posts: 52 Joined: Mar 25, 09	Apr 21, 09, 05:05 / #
"Gods hand" LOL u mean to say ain't it funny how people that don't want or need kids can have them at a drop of a hat. Responsible intellegent people have a hard time reproducing. It's Gods way of filling the world with trash I think.

freebirdThreads: 3 Posts: 638 Joined: Jun 8, 07	Apr 21, 09, 05:18 / #
Peepops: Responsible intellegent people have a hard time reproducing. It's Gods way of filling the world with trash I think. How many brothers and sisters do you have? :-)

Arlene	Apr 21, 09, 05:29 / #
Well, I am very sorry to hear this. I always tell people not to get pregnant while you dating foreigners because they always go back home. I think you should keep your baby and have him to pay child support. Too bad for him. He is going back to his girlfriend. Who knows if she have children too? Good Luck

ShelleySThreads: 18 Posts: 3,647 Joined: Jun 26, 07	Apr 21, 09, 10:50 / #
Grzegorz_: Here a father must give a share of his income to mother If she take care of his child... Well, he isn't going to be around, looks like he's off back to Poland to his next victim...we have a similar law in the UK but it's not always that simple is it Doggie.

KrishaThreads: 2 Posts: 22 Joined: Mar 6, 09	Apr 21, 09, 11:25 / #
Abort. Dont bring unwanted children into the world. You dont want to carry the memory of this guy with you forever.

ShelleySThreads: 18 Posts: 3,647 Joined: Jun 26, 07	Apr 21, 09, 13:05 / #
Krisha: Abort. Dont bring unwanted children into the world. You dont want to carry the memory of this guy with you forever. Nice rounded view. I do hope you never find yourself in the girls situation. McCoy: give birth. dont let any motherfcuker to kill your baby and ruin your life. Pitty all Polish men don't share your view, isn't easy to make judgements and offer advice when one isn't part of the problem.

PennBoyThreads: 157 Posts: 3,440 Joined: Dec 7, 08	Edited by: PennBoy Apr 21, 09, 06:04 / #
thearcher: he has no plans to stay here and wants me to go to the uk to abort it. it sounds like he's getting ready to leave you girl

PeepopsThreads: 3 Posts: 52 Joined: Mar 25, 09	Apr 21, 09, 06:05 / #
Freebird don't be mad cuz I'm right. I'm not sayin me I'm just sayin if u took a doc and a nurse it would harder for them to have a kid then let's say two trailer trash people. LOL Its Gods will :)

Grzegorz_Threads: 81 Posts: 6,213 Joined: Nov 16, 06	Apr 21, 09, 06:10 / #
thearcher: do you have any regrets / advice?? Don't do It. Screw damn idiot. Bzibzioh: If nothing else consider giving kid for adoption. True.

PeepopsThreads: 3 Posts: 52 Joined: Mar 25, 09	Apr 21, 09, 06:34 / #
U should just keep it. Don't expect a dime from daddy tho.

ShelleySThreads: 18 Posts: 3,647 Joined: Jun 26, 07	Edited by: ShelleyS Apr 21, 09, 10:32 / #
You have two options, both of which i'm sure you have considered: 1. have the baby, be a single mother and have no support from him or contact off him, as difficult as it sounds right now, you will be surprised at how much support you will receive from your family and your friends, as for finances, as long as you work you can claim family tax credits, im not going to go all anicdotal on you, but I have friends that have had husbands walk out on them and they've raised children and worked and done better than manage, so it is possible. 2. you can come to the UK have an abortion and try to forget about it, you may or may not regret your decision, that's the chance you take with an option that is irriversable. If you are 2 months pregnant then you need to make your mind up pretty quick or you may not have option no.2 This is going to sound really harsh, but this man wants nothing to do this pregnancy, he has been clear about that, so don't expect anything from him if you decide to continue with the pregnancy, emotionally this could be very difficult for you, so you have to be sure that you could cope with your childs father not wanting to be a part of his / her life. Good luck.

Grzegorz_Threads: 81 Posts: 6,213 Joined: Nov 16, 06	Apr 21, 09, 10:42 / #
ShelleyS: be a single mother and have no support from him Here a father must give a share of his income to mother If she take care of his child...

McCoyThreads: 46 Posts: 1,756 Joined: Jul 3, 08	Apr 21, 09, 12:58 / #
give birth. dont let any motherfcuker to kill your baby and ruin your life.

KrishaThreads: 2 Posts: 22 Joined: Mar 6, 09	Apr 21, 09, 13:21 / #
I am a product of that situation

ShelleySThreads: 18 Posts: 3,647 Joined: Jun 26, 07	Apr 21, 09, 13:49 / #
Krisha: I am a product of that situation And you are planning to marry and start a family of your own, so it was a positive in the end and Im sure that your mum doesn't regret having you. No one situation is the same and to simply say "get an abortion" is wrong if you have never been in the situation this girl is in.

thearcherThreads: 1 Posts: 3 Joined: Apr 20, 09	Apr 21, 09, 14:47 / #
hi all, thanks for all your comments. he called me today to say that he is sorry for everything and really worried about me but if i go ahead with the pregnancy he wouldn't want to leave the baby but is trying to make me feel guilty because it's "messing up his life plans"!! also he is terrified in case that new girl in poland finds out about me (but doesn't seem to care that i know about her) in case it ruins his chances of having a future with her!! unbelievable! i mean this wasn't exactly in my plans either and he's never actually met her yet just contact over the internet. i just have to accept the fact that he's not going to be involved in any decision i make. i've never met someone so selfish in my life!

ShelleySThreads: 18 Posts: 3,647 Joined: Jun 26, 07	Apr 21, 09, 15:01 / #
thearcher: hi all, thanks for all your comments. he called me today to say that he is sorry for everything and really worried about me but if i go ahead with the pregnancy he wouldn't want to leave the baby but is trying to make me feel guilty because it's "messing up his life plans"!! also he is terrified in case that new girl in poland finds out about me (but doesn't seem to care that i know about her) in case it ruins his chances of having a future with her!! unbelievable! i mean this wasn't exactly in my plans either and he's never actually met her yet just contact over the internet. i just have to accept the fact that he's not going to be involved in any decision i make. i've never met someone so selfish in my life! Dont think about him, think about yourself, if he such a sad bastard that he is considering someone he has never met over a girl who is possibly going to have his child, he is not worth your time or effort.

SokratesThreads: 19 Posts: 4,464 Joined: Jan 19, 09 [Suspended]	Apr 21, 09, 17:29 / #
Ah abortion... a fun game for the whole family.

JustysiaSThreads: 15 Posts: 2,869 Joined: Oct 14, 07 MEMBER	Apr 21, 09, 19:26 / #
you should get in touch with that girl he's talking to and ruin his chances, just for the pure satisfaction. what a fcking ashole, unbelievable. were you on birth control at all? this is such a crap situation. i'd be well angry and upset with the guys attitude and probably want to abort the child at first just so i don't have to look at the product of this - let's be blunt - accident. but it's not the child's fault that it appeared in your tummy and sometimes you have to deal with the consequences and go with whatever life throws at you. think hard about it and think if you can live with the guilt of killing an innocent baby just because having it didn't suit you at the time. aborting a child puts you at risk of never being able to concieve again. life of a single mother isn't great, and it will be more difficult to find a man who will be prepared to take both you and your child on board but at least you will not feel the guilt. you have to think what is best for you, what is your current financial and work situation, are you eligible for maternity leave? i hear that single mothers are taken cared of well by the state in UK. how old are you? think about your future and where would you like to see yourself in 5 years, do you have any plans? answer all those question honestly to yourself, maybe even make a list of why you should and shouldn't keep the baby and make up your mind. tell your family, include them in your life more, ask them what they think. maybe they will be more than happy to help you out with the child so you don't have to sacrifice whatever you have planned just to be a mother right now. there's always a way out. good luck.

mafketisThreads: 17 Posts: 1,880 Joined: Mar 31, 08	Apr 21, 09, 19:38 / #
I'm not gonna give you advice except to say that you need to think through this carefully and quick and that whatever you decide the consequences are likely to follow you for years or the rest of your life. - if you abort, you may or may not come to regret it, possibly bitterly. if you do choose termination then you need counselling before and after the event. - if you go for adoption the potential negative consequences are also there and often followed by regret. and there's the chance the child will seek you out some day (so be ready for that). - if you have the baby, you can't count on any moral support from the father (and it's not a good idea to speak badly of him to the kid ..... ever so keep that in mind) you may or may not be able to make him financially responsible but that won't make him a father. if things go the normal way you'll bond with and love your child but it could make finding another suitable life partner difficult and if you fail to bond with the child (which happens occasionally) things will be pretty miserable. There are no easy answers here, you need counselling (and prayer if you're the religious type). Best of luck.

HarryThreads: 62 Posts: 8,508 Joined: May 2, 07 [Suspended]	Apr 21, 09, 19:55 / #
Whatever you decide, you'll be much better off without this ars*hole in your life. On that there can be no debate. I have good friends who've had abortions and good friends who chose to be single mothers. While none of the single mothers will admit regretting the decision, they are very non-commital when asked if they'd make the same decision again if they could turn back time. Make of that what you will. If you do decide to have an abortion, don't forget to phone his family in Poland to ask them for cash for the cost of the flight and the abortion. And remember to tell them that you hadn't even considered having an abortion until he told you he wanted you to. Arise_St_George: I personally do not favour abortion. So don't have one. Simple.

Patrycja19Threads: 79 Posts: 3,974 Joined: Oct 31, 06	Apr 21, 09, 20:03 / #
Krisha: Abort. Dont bring unwanted children into the world. You dont want to carry the memory of this guy with you forever. that baby is part of her too. her flesh and blood abortion isnt supposed to be used as a form of contraceptive. who says she doesnt want the baby? JustysiaS: you should get in touch with that girl he's talking to and ruin his chances, lol justy I am on the same page you are!! call her tell her everything!! and I would even call his parents or someone in his family let them know what hes doing !! Krisha: I am a product of that situation you need couseling then. thearcher: i just have to accept the fact that he's not going to be involved in any decision i make. i've never met someone so selfish in my life! do what you feel is right.. but the most important, dont think your father or mother will hate you for being human and wanting love in your life , just as they did, I am sure they will understand and of course always love you because your their daughter and no matter what, you can get thru this. be strong and talk to them about it.