Need advice with Polish girl, I like her but she has a boyfriend.

kaze:

The main problem is that she has a polish boyfriend (and has done for 3 years) and she has told me that they don't do much and that she is confused. She also seems to be very insecure and can't accept why I like her over other girls and worried that i'll get bored of her etc.

kazeThreads: 6 Posts: 18 Joined: May 2, 09	Edited by: Moderator Jun 8, 09, 19:43 / #
Me and this polish girl have been friends for about four months and recently we have been getting closer. We went out all day at the weekend and I told her that I had feelings for her and on the way back home that night she fell asleep on me. A couple weeks later we went out again to a bar and she kept telling me that she likes me, looks at me a lot. We ended up kissing a lot that night and I would like to take things further with her. The main problem is that she has a polish boyfriend (and has done for 3 years) and she has told me that they don't do much and that she is confused. She also seems to be very insecure and can't accept why I like her over other girls and worried that i'll get bored of her etc. I'm not too sure what to do at this point, we've both established that we like each other but I don't want to get closer to her if she will never leave her boyfriend or want to take things further.

fred_chopin	Jun 8, 09, 19:46 / #
Tell her kaze: I don't want to get closer to her if she will never leave her boyfriend or want to take things further. Honesty is the best policy if you have true feelings for the girl. But don't be a sap and wait around forever, in case she doesn't leave him. But she must know how you feel about her.

sadieannThreads: 4 Posts: 320 Joined: Apr 28, 09	Jun 8, 09, 19:56 / #
First, her relationship is in trouble with her Polish boyfriend. She likes the attention from you; if she's lacking it in her current relationship. She has crossed a line with you with kissing, sleeping with you and telling you how she feels. Now, she needs to be honest with herself as to what she wants. Don't get involved until she figures it out. May get your heart broken if this continues. You obviously like her or you wouldn't be asking what the next step should be.

kazeThreads: 6 Posts: 18 Joined: May 2, 09	Jun 8, 09, 20:19 / #
I understand that it's up to her to decide what she wants to do, i've even been in this same situation before so I don't know why i'm setting myself up for this again. But still, with her i feel like its something special.

sadieannThreads: 4 Posts: 320 Joined: Apr 28, 09	Jun 8, 09, 20:23 / #
If you know it's special than it's worth figuring out. She is confused and lacking confidence. Perhaps, your first step, reassure her of your intentions and let her know how you want to proceed. Be direct and honest.

PlasticPoleThreads: 10 Posts: 5,181 Joined: May 28, 09	Jun 8, 09, 22:07 / #
kaze: The main problem is that she has a polish boyfriend (and has done for 3 years) and she has told me that they don't do much and that she is confused. She also seems to be very insecure and can't accept why I like her over other girls and worried that i'll get bored of her etc. Well this sounds to me like both of you are insecure with each other. You do not present yourself as having a lot of faith in her or her in you. She thinks you like other girls over her and she is seeing another guy. The only way to set things straight is to have one of those heart to heart talks. Tell her you are ready to ditch the other chicks but she gotta ditch her other guy for it to work.

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,410 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Jun 8, 09, 23:19 / #
she's confuse and you must be too.. didn't you say she had a boyfriend? then what the hell are you doing messing around with her? there is plenty of fish in the ocean.. you can't have the ones in someone else's net.

johncardwellThreads: 3 Posts: 117 Joined: May 3, 09	Jun 9, 09, 08:29 / #
Hi Kaze. Many Polish Girls are doing this nowadays. It happened to me twice. With girls that were outside Poland. I don't think it is important why they are doing it. You will never figure it out. And they will waste your time and energy. Playing endless games. She is trying to control and manipulate you. The ones that speak English do this when they are outside Poland with foreigners. Ask yourself these questions. What kind of girl would do such a thing? If she did it to him will she do it to you? Why didn't you ask her is she was involved with someone first? Many times the girls behave like they are single. You really have to press hard to find out if it is true. They will change definitions etc. Girls that do this are so are so fear-filled and cowardly that they cheat, lie, or do whatever, in order to get the attention of a man. Really selfish. Really sad. My advice to you is to leave the situation as soon as possible. Don't speak with her anymore. Even on a friendly level. And if you can find a way to email her boyfriend. Tell him what she did. And tell him you did not know. And think about encouraging this girl to work in a brothel. That is if anyone is willing to pay for her. I am curious Kaze. Was this inside or outside Poland? I have heard about this happening alot in the last couple of years. Really gives the good Polish Women a bad reputation.

kazeThreads: 6 Posts: 18 Joined: May 2, 09	Jun 9, 09, 23:07 / #
I know that what i'm doing is wrong but I think i've developed feelings for this girl that I never planned for. We are very close and she finally admitted to me today that in her heart she more than likes me but doesn't know what to do. She seems to not believe me when I tell her that I don't want anyone else and that i'm not using her etc. Oh, we are in England btw and i've always believed that it doesn't matter where you come from in you have true feelings for each other.

pgtxThreads: 48 Posts: 6,269 Joined: Feb 14, 09 [Moderator]	Jun 9, 09, 23:10 / #
kaze: I know that what i'm doing is wrong but I think i've developed feelings for this girl love is not enough... add to it the world around you and then you'll build something meaningful... if the circumstances suck, love won't fix it...

BevKThreads: 18 Posts: 281 Joined: Mar 20, 09	Jun 10, 09, 21:13 / #
johncardwell: She is like a vampire. You are being used. To fill some kind of emptiness inside her. Quoted for truth, probably :/

southernThreads: 116 Posts: 10,900 Joined: May 17, 07	Jun 10, 09, 23:04 / #
As long as you are not brown,black,it is OK.

sadieannThreads: 4 Posts: 320 Joined: Apr 28, 09	Jun 11, 09, 03:29 / #
Insecurity, co-dependency, infidelity, dishonesty within one's self, self-pity. Remember, when it's right you will know. Asking the above is a vital sign of potencial heartbreak. We all want to be happy.. The problem is, when it's not right, we think he/she will change and we disillusion ourselves into believing it will. Take PF advice..

LAGirlThreads: 13 Posts: 598 Joined: Apr 11, 08	Jun 16, 09, 01:56 / #
You will just get into trouble Polish people dont know what they want. pick someone who is single less drama.

SwiteziankaThreads: - Posts: 525 Joined: Jun 17, 08	Jun 9, 09, 23:16 / #
kaze: She also seems to be very insecure and can't accept why I like her over other girls and worried that i'll get bored of her etc. A little tip from a girl's point of view: run away from her! It even sucks to be considered a friend of such a person. I can only imagine how it sucks to be in a relationship with her. "OMG, I'm so hopeless, nobody likes me! What do you see in me?" Well, if you enjoy performing a function of the one who will tell an insecure girl how awesome she to boost up here ego, go for it.

BevKThreads: 18 Posts: 281 Joined: Mar 20, 09	Jun 9, 09, 23:27 / #
kaze: I understand that it's up to her to decide what she wants to do, i've even been in this same situation before so I don't know why i'm setting myself up for this again. I think you already know the answer, sweetie. Ask yourself why you are drawn to women who are unavailable and who you will probably get hurt by - we all have our "fatal attraction" types who feel ever so special but are actually the very worst type of person we could have in our lives. I'd echo what others have said: don't give your emotions to this unless and until she makes a choice. Sometimes people can't make that choice as fast as they'd like for many factors and if there's one harsh lesson I've learned it's that if someone has a self-fulfilling prophesy then all your love and care and kindness are not going to get you anything but heartache. Plenty more fish in the sea!

johncardwellThreads: 3 Posts: 117 Joined: May 3, 09	Jun 10, 09, 04:49 / #
"She seems to not believe me when I tell her that I don't want anyone else and that i'm not using her etc." This sounds like a flashback of what happened to me. But it was a Polish Lady in Prague. She is like a vampire. You are being used. To fill some kind of emptiness inside her. How can a situation that starts like this ever end good? You will never trust her. The longer you stay in it the worse it might get. Also, think about what you are doing to the other guy. You should tell him. She might be saying the same things to him. Yuck!

mark007Threads: 1 Posts: 74 Joined: Jan 19, 09	Jun 11, 09, 01:16 / #
She may be telling porkies, with regards to the situation between her and the boyfriend. She could be having her cake and eating it, have you met him? have you seen how they are together? take a step back, or don't think too deep and enjoy the moment.

shewolfThreads: 5 Posts: 1,829 Joined: Dec 23, 06	Jun 11, 09, 03:12 / #
kaze: i've always believed that it doesn't matter where you come from in you have true feelings for each other. I think if you really had true feelings for her, you would care about her situation with her boyfriend and not try to mess with that. It sounds like what you're feeling is something other than a genuine caring for her.

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,410 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Jun 11, 09, 03:23 / #
karma.. will bite you in the arse, kaze.. have fun.

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,410 Joined: Aug 29, 07	Jun 16, 09, 07:11 / #
LAGirl: pick someone who is single less drama. you don't say? LAGirl: Polish people dont know what they want. are you sure you do?

LAGirlThreads: 13 Posts: 598 Joined: Apr 11, 08	Jun 24, 09, 01:41 / #
Yeah PLK I do say to the whom post this thread stay out of a relationship with her because you will get hurt and have drama there are plenty of other girls for you.

SeanBMThreads: 41 Posts: 8,647 Joined: Mar 10, 08	Jun 24, 09, 01:47 / #
Need advice with Polish girl, I like her but she has a boyfriend. Easy, Get a top notch prostitute to jump the "boyfriend", then show your "friend" that he is cheating. And you can be her shoulder to cry on and jump her then. It always works ;)

wildroverThreads: 180 Posts: 8,143 Joined: Jun 7, 07	Jun 24, 09, 01:49 / #
Capture her boyfriend...stuff him full of gherkins...then run him over with a tank....never fails...

pgtxThreads: 48 Posts: 6,269 Joined: Feb 14, 09 [Moderator]	Jun 24, 09, 01:52 / #
SeanBM: It always works ;) wildrover: never fails... wow... i need to use your advices more often, gentlemen....

LAGirlThreads: 13 Posts: 598 Joined: Apr 11, 08	Jun 24, 09, 01:53 / #
Good advice but very funny.

kazeThreads: 6 Posts: 18 Joined: May 2, 09	Jun 24, 09, 21:48 / #
Thought I would update this a little. Things have gotten a lot more serious between us and she's told me that her boyfriend knows that there is another guy but now what she's done and that she's looking for a new place to live. We went out this last weekend and spent the night together. She told me today that she's feeling bad about having to lie all the time and thinks that we should slow down a bit before she moves out.

sausageThreads: 25 Posts: 1,053 Joined: Sep 21, 07	Jun 24, 09, 21:52 / #
remember "once a cheater always a cheater"...

dcchrisThreads: 11 Posts: 687 Joined: Oct 29, 07	Jun 24, 09, 21:53 / #
hmm watch out 'cause what she does to him she might do to you in the future...

kazeThreads: 6 Posts: 18 Joined: May 2, 09	Jun 28, 09, 22:30 / #
So a lot has happened these last few days and I met her for the first time in those few days. She realises that she has to make a decision between us now, her boyfriend has "changed" and is sorry and all that. She was telling me that she really cares about me and if she didn't she would've ended it with me a long time ago. She says she's a lot happier and has more energy when she's with me and she even asked me to kiss her just before she left. If i'm honest with myself, I would be very surprised if she chose me. She knows what it will be like with him but with me its a gamble. It hurts a lot but I think I should start preparing myself for, in my opinion, the inevitable outcome.