RomanaBrazil: Greetings, I am from the states (black) and my honey is Polish, we have been together for a little less than a year. He is extremely gracious, however I feel as if he picks me apart. Being a student, I can see that he would like for me to be my very personal best(this is one of the many reasons I love him), however I am starting to wonder if he truly has the best intentions. Recently, I have disclosed my financial situation (not the best) with him and to my surprise he is more than eager to help. He is, in fact, ready to take on my finances head first, offering much needed help--with just a few rules. In order to receive this 'help' my honey is asking (do not know if this is the correct word b/c it is the only option) that I move in with him. I really do not have a problem with this, however, I am from the school where if you really want to help someone there are no rules or regulations. He has also insisted upon knowing all of my banking information, debts, expenses, etc. I can understand this to a certain extent, but he has also informed me that I will need to basically turn over my debit card and essentially ask him for my own money. I have made bad financial choices in the past, but I cannot say that I am just terrible with money, nor do I blow it on materialistic things. Certain people close to me find that this is all a way to control me and have me soley dependent upon him. It does sound a bit extreme, but I do love and trust him. He talks about our future and how he wants me to have financial freedom, which is of course important. He says he is the REAL DEAL and that I need to open my eyes, I am not use to help, so I have many questions. Is this the basis of a mature relationship? Do I stop being so private and listenpen my to my man? Are polish men known to be controlling? Is this support? Should I let him take the lead and follow (like he suggests)? Please be kind enough to share...
It reminds me of a story a friend once told me about how her mother used to give her dad "spends" because he once lost them a house, by the time I knew her (we were 9 years old when we first became friends) they lived in a nice house....Maybe he just wants to secure your future, but who knows, I dont know him....controlling comes in all forms...Does he mind you seeing your friends or family, does he tell you what you should eat or what to wear?
A compromise to the whole thing would be that he manages your finances and you only have a card that allows you to draw out what you have and have no overdraft...the other account he could manage...thus you still get to draw out your "own" money but know that you have a limited amount.
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