Polish People on Cheating?

Mirya:

Apparently where they're from (Bialystok) it's quite common for a lot of men to cheat on their other halves, and not too subtly either! They also said it's usual for the friends of the cheater, not to say anything to the cheatee and even help them to do the cheating like letting them use their flat etc
Again the religion aspect was brought up about how people will do anything to avoid getting a divorce if they (and more so their families) follow certain Catholic views as it's frowned upon to put it lightly!

dancewithmeThreads: 1 Joined: May 4, 09	May 18, 09, 16:19 / #
I am totally lost here people. Is it normal for Polish people to have an affair with other people and go back to there marriage like nothing happen? Is it a culture thing for couple in Poland to stick it out or is this the girl/guy more willing to forget and forgive each other? The crazy part is that they don't trust each other anymore but are willing to stick it out with the marriage... lost....

plk123Threads: 30 Posts: 6,412 Joined: Aug 29, 07	May 18, 09, 16:27 / #
let them be.. you were plaid for a fool.. move along.

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09	Edited by: SzwedwPolsce May 18, 09, 16:32 / #
Some people do everything to avoid getting divorced, for religious reasons. And most married couples in PL (esp. older and/or outside big cities) try to follow Catholic values. As far as I've heard these things are not very uncommon. But of course, there are people in Poland getting divorced too, esp. in Warsaw the divorce rate is pretty high. But on the other hand, people on the countryside are generally more religious than in Waw.

frdThreads: 8 Posts: 1,956 Joined: Feb 3, 09	May 18, 09, 16:35 / #
for the sake of their children..

PapiezThreads: 1 Posts: 26 Joined: Oct 10, 08	May 18, 09, 16:37 / #
I hate that catholic thing that marriage should only be separated by death

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09	Edited by: SzwedwPolsce May 18, 09, 16:53 / #
Papiez: I hate that catholic thing that marriage should only be separated by death In the younger generation people care less about this. For example, if the woman is getting beaten up she should get divorced immediately, that's obvious for most people. But on the other hand people shouldn't get married if they are not sure about there feelings etc. So there must be a balance. In Western Europe people are getting married and divorced like it was some kind of tournament.

PapiezThreads: 1 Posts: 26 Joined: Oct 10, 08	May 18, 09, 17:06 / #
i personally see no balance at all.Dont expect someone's character at present to be the same in 10 yrs time for example. I think vatican should have to approach the matter with greater flexibility.Btw im catholic.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 18, 09, 19:58 / #
I wouldn't say that the Catholic position on the sustenance of marriage is a bad thing at all. Marriage can be a convoluted process and I like the idea of permanence. Catholicism has a point here in terms of putting forward a desirable principle. How people choose to treat it is their matter.

lesserThreads: 7 Posts: 2,014 Joined: Oct 19, 07	Edited by: lesser May 18, 09, 20:58 / #
SzwedwPolsce: In the younger generation people care less about this. Yes, we keep woman until she finish 30 or give a birth to second child. Papiez: I hate that catholic thing that marriage should only be separated by death How many wives you would wish to have during your entire life? I think that you should consider Islam, this might be an option if this is issue of special importance for you.

PapiezThreads: 1 Posts: 26 Joined: Oct 10, 08	May 18, 09, 23:19 / #
lesser: How many wives you would wish to have during your entire life? I think that you should consider Islam, this might be an option if this is issue of special importance for you. The problem is not on the number of women i would love to have.I support the whole idea of one man one woman but like i said marriage life has both ups and downs.There are some disputes that need more than spiritual thing to be settled and u can not force the couple to go back to the same bed for the sake of faith.I think u understand what i mean,i mean after reaching that stage there is no need to wait till one of you is died.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 18, 09, 23:22 / #
The RCC only promulgates the idea of togetherness for life, no guns lie in waiting for those who don't follow its dictates. Within the framework of life, Catholics do the best they can to honour principles but a multitude of factors prevent their full realisation.

PapiezThreads: 1 Posts: 26 Joined: Oct 10, 08	May 19, 09, 00:04 / #
Seanus: Seanus GOLD MEMBER Today, 23:22 #11 The RCC only promulgates the idea of togetherness for life, no guns lie in waiting for those who don't follow its dictates. Within the framework of life, Catholics do the best they can to honour principles but a multitude of factors prevent their full realisation. Catholicism pushes through the whole idea.One may face serious spirituaL consequences if they'll not follow up the dogma

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 19, 09, 00:25 / #
Then that's like a cult or sect. Why not just pick and choose what fits with YOUR belief system? For example, I see the merits in many religions and for that I count myself as blessed. Why be absolutist?? That's when rigidity rears its ugly head.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 19, 09, 00:32 / #
Let me guess, the Catholic brigade will come down on us like a tonne of bricks?! Well, many Scots and Irish are Catholics too but we find other ways of carving out a living. We know that church is often just part of a tradition but it doesn't put bread on the table or give us a magic wand to form interpersonal relationships. Cheating? I don't go there, I'd feel guilty and for what? Temporary hedonism? Pff...

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 19, 09, 00:06 / #
I regard myself as spiritual and don't follow the dictates of a church. Explain that one to me, Pope.

PapiezThreads: 1 Posts: 26 Joined: Oct 10, 08	May 19, 09, 00:23 / #
If u belong to a certain religious tradition its ur responsibility to follow it as a whole,otherwise some if not all of your spiritual privileges from the religion will be deprived. back to the topic... They'll not let you have a holy communion for example,U cant marry again in the church

irishdeanoThreads: 11 Posts: 492 Joined: Oct 23, 07	May 19, 09, 00:27 / #
I believe marriage is important between two people who really love each other. They both feel love, and they want to spend there entire life with that person. Because that person will be special to them I would never cheat on any girl, Im not that kind of guy, I think people who cheat are just Pr*cks. it would be better to break up with the man/woman instead of cheating on them. People will cheat in every country no matter were there from- They just dont have respect for there marriage,children or there partner

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 19, 09, 00:28 / #
I completely echo the above by irishdeano. I don't care what any religion says, his decency is what I roll with. I don't need a book or some priest telling me how I should be living my life.

irishdeanoThreads: 11 Posts: 492 Joined: Oct 23, 07	May 19, 09, 00:30 / #
Seanus: don't care what any religion says, his decency is what I roll with. I don't need a book or some priest telling me how I should be living my life. I will back that up :)

lesserThreads: 7 Posts: 2,014 Joined: Oct 19, 07	May 19, 09, 19:39 / #
Papiez: The problem is not on the number of women i would love to have.I support the whole idea of one man one woman but like i said marriage life has both ups and downs.There are some disputes that need more than spiritual thing to be settled and u can not force the couple to go back to the same bed for the sake of faith.I think u understand what i mean,i mean after reaching that stage there is no need to wait till one of you is died. OK, so problem identified, it is your attitude! People who are afraid that they may spoil something or make incorrect decision are much more likely to fail and make wrong decisions! If you were careful before you chose wife and truly love her then nothing tragic can happen. The problem is when you were too quick or simply desperate. You must feel that you are playmaker, you must believe in your own reason. This is the purpose of lifetime marriage that partners need to take care about each other instead searching for an opportunity to escape like a rat. It also encourage people to don't hurry with decision that affect at least most of their life!

z_dariusThreads: 22 Posts: 5,091 Joined: Oct 18, 07	May 19, 09, 19:44 / #
Papiez: I hate that catholic thing that marriage should only be separated by death Except that this is not true. The married parties can be separated through nullification of the marriage.

asikThreads: 2 Posts: 547 Joined: Feb 17, 09	Edited by: asik May 20, 09, 06:09 / #
dancewithme: I am totally lost here people. Is it normal for Polish people to have an affair with other people and go back to there marriage like nothing happen? Is it a culture thing for couple in Poland to stick it out or is this the girl/guy more willing to forget and forgive each other? The crazy part is that they don't trust each other anymore but are willing to stick it out with the marriage... It's not a cultural thing. If both care about each other they will try hard to work out their relationship problem. If both are willing to forgive each other a very strong relationship can develop. On the other hand some couples are staying together for the sake of their children and are tolerant towards each other until children are grown up or maybe even afterwards because of housing shortages in Poland. It's like an agreement between them and their marriage is an "open" marriage - if you know what I mean.

MiryaThreads: - Posts: 8 Joined: May 12, 09	May 20, 09, 08:57 / #
I was having a discussion about this the other day with a few of my male Polish friends (upon realising one of them was cheating on his gf of 15yrs and has been for a while). Apparently where they're from (Bialystok) it's quite common for a lot of men to cheat on their other halves, and not too subtly either! They also said it's usual for the friends of the cheater, not to say anything to the cheatee and even help them to do the cheating like letting them use their flat etc Again the religion aspect was brought up about how people will do anything to avoid getting a divorce if they (and more so their families) follow certain Catholic views as it's frowned upon to put it lightly! Obviously I'm not saying this is true of all Polish people as it's just a few male opinions, but it did make me think a bit considering I have a Polish bf and he's one of the ones who is helping someone cheat... needless to say I had words with him!

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09	Edited by: SzwedwPolsce May 20, 09, 12:17 / #
Mirya: Apparently where they're from (Bialystok) it's quite common for a lot of men to cheat on their other halves, and not too subtly either! They also said it's usual for the friends of the cheater, not to say anything to the cheatee and even help them to do the cheating like letting them use their flat etc Again the religion aspect was brought up about how people will do anything to avoid getting a divorce if they (and more so their families) follow certain Catholic views as it's frowned upon to put it lightly! I live in Bialystok too. I don't think cheating is more common in Poland than in other European countries. It happens too much everywhere. But I am sure that people that go abroad (to work etc) generally cheat more, probably because the probability of getting caught is almost zero.

MiryaThreads: - Posts: 8 Joined: May 12, 09	May 20, 09, 13:44 / #
I agree with you SwedwPolsce, I don't think cheating is more common in Poland than other countries but the world seems to have placed a stigma on the Polish people for being notorious cheaters and having wives/families back home and then a bf/gf on the side. I think it's purely because a large number of Poles move to different countries for work and so everyone assumes they must cheat while they're away. When the cat's away the mouse will play so to speak! Obviously it does happen with Polish people but by no means any more than anyone else. My friends seem to think it does back in Bialystok but again, that's just their opinion. I think it's completely ridiculous to say that a whole nation can have the same attitudes towards things like this i.e. saying that all Polish people will cheat on their other halves just because they're in a different country and most likely won't get caught. You can't base things like this on being a certain nationality. It's like saying all British people love a nice cuppa tea and standing in queues just because they're British...

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 20, 09, 13:53 / #
If you were to look at it more closely, you'd find that many people do that when they go abroad. Opposites attract and the thrill is just too much to resist.

markcooperThreads: 6 Posts: 113 Joined: Apr 27, 09	May 20, 09, 13:58 / #
asik: It's not a cultural thing. If both care about each other they will try hard to work out their relationship problem. If both are willing to forgive each other a very strong relationship can develop. On the other hand some couples are staying together for the sake of their children and are tolerant towards each other until children are grown up or maybe even afterwards because of housing shortages in Poland. It's like an agreement between them and their marriage is an "open" marriage - if you know what I mean. you say " if both are willing to forgive each other a strong relationshio can develop". I'm sorry mate, if married and one cheats on the other then the line is crossed. Forgive, yes, forget no. The marriage is over and both have to move on, things will never be the same. Trust has gone = very little left. Sad but true. There is this over-romantisised idea that we/they can cuddle / talk and work things out...............but in reality .....it never goes away.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 20, 09, 14:00 / #
Very true, marriage is for a reason and it shouldn't be jeopardised by primitive lust. Yes, of course you can love another woman at the same time (the feeling I mean) but standing by your decision is vitally important.

markcooperThreads: 6 Posts: 113 Joined: Apr 27, 09	May 20, 09, 14:45 / #
Seanus: Very true, marriage is for a reason and it shouldn't be jeopardised by primitive lust. Yes, of course you can love another woman at the same time (the feeling I mean) but standing by your decision is vitally important. There's a few guys in the office here who on a friday regulary go to the local " sauna bar" aka ********** before going home to wife and kids. This now has become a formality and on a friday at 3pm presides over everything else. In a dark humour sort of way I do find this amusing. I would not call myself old fashioned......but I couln't do this.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	May 20, 09, 14:47 / #
It's just a way of letting off steam for those guys. Still, they are only cheating their own conscience in the end.