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posts: 50

Shall we go back to interracial relationships for a bit?

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carole	Mar 11, 07, 13:33 / #
Hi everyone! I saw that topic on "Living in Poland" and I know it has been closed. But I'm new here and I still need to share some thoughts with someone. And some of you people seem like you would understand me. So, I'm Polish and I'm in a serious relationship with an African guy. We met abroad and that's where we both still live. It all began very normally and casually. I never really saw anything wrong or unusual about it. But then of course problems began to arise. My parents found out about us and were very very against (you know, that "I come from a small town" kind of thing...). And then nobody really knows what's gonna happen to us in the future cause his visa is about to expire in a few months and I have to finish my studies somehow, somewhere... (two more years to go). We are trying really hard cause we love each other even more, but I just feel so confused at the moment. I am not saying that I'm not sure if we should continue the relationship, cause this is one of the very few things that I am most certain about. I'm just afraid. Afraid of the people, of my family, of the future. I'm beginning to wonder (again) if it all makes any sense at all. If it's worth fighting for. If there is a way to sort things out... I know there are some people among you guys that know exactly what I mean. And to those of you whom I annoyed (or whatever..): my humble apologies. I'm trying to hang on and I really do believe (have hope?) that we will be able to overcome all troubles and find a way out. It's just that I can't see it right now (the way out, I mean) and I have no idea what to do. I know; it sounds like I'm dramatizing and pitying myself. And making a big deal out of nothing. But believe me when I say that for someone as unexperienced in life as myself, such experience is more than enough to bring me down. I feel like I was living a fairy tale all my life, you know. My parents did EVERYTHING for me. Never had any real problems to face; any difficult or serious decisions to make.. Never experienced violence, discrimination, injustice, loss, despair or grief. I guess I just didn't have the opportunity to face the real world and grow up. An everlasting, naive child.. Maybe that is why when I met my love, I was naive and ignorant enough to think that there is no problem for anyone that he's black and I'm white. Apparently there is. Anyway, I should make my point now. So, my point is not about how frustrated I am that I'm not able to live a fairy tale any more. I am more than glad and gratefull that I've been given the chance to grow up at last and confront myself. My point is that I'm simply afraid of what it means to maintain a "difficult" relationship like this (especially in Poland) and I'm writing all this to ask you for reassurance that it IS possible. Nevertheless. And don't get me wrong. I'm cheerful and optimistic by nature. And I'm still cheerful and optimistic. Just a little bit confused and lost right now. But hopefully not for a long time. Some very exciting trips ahead of me, in April. Can't wait!

sedzia	Mar 11, 07, 13:39 / #
This thread could get ugly. I personally do not agree with mixed couples but there are people on here rideing the bull. So you are not alone I think it is possible to live with each other but I can't speak for everyday life because personally I stick with my own. Powodzenia

Member 223	Mar 11, 07, 13:44 / #
carole, You study psychology and then ask us for advice. Shouldn't it be the other way around. If you are happy with him, stay with him.

Arien	Mar 11, 07, 13:48 / #
Quoting: Member 223 If you are happy with him, stay with him.

daffyThreads: 40 Posts: 2,119 Joined: Feb 5, 07	Mar 11, 07, 13:48 / #
mixed couples, mixed races, its all good! if it is love and genuine as i suspect it is in your case. I have to disagree with sedzia's sentiments of not agreeing with mixed couples BUT respect hugely sedzia's attitude that you are free to do so. It can work, The things worth having in life, usually are hard work. I am in a long distance relationship at present with a Polish girl (we are both white and catholic upbringing - a point i made refernce to in a post of mine ages ago, that this should not matter, but it did! i was accepted more easier to them and her to mine (friends and families) as we both met the 'norms' of each others backgrounds. It is still hard however as we long to be in each others arms every waking (and sleeping) moment. So my love for her keeps me going and she tells me the same. If he loves you, he wil be able to leave you only to return when he can and when you can (when you finish your studies for example) love does conquer all

Grzegorz_Threads: 81 Posts: 6,213 Joined: Nov 16, 06	Mar 11, 07, 14:08 / #
Quoting: daffy mixed couples, mixed races, its all good! For me It's nor good, neither bad. People have free will and they may date whoever they want... That's all.

LoneStrangerThreads: 3 Posts: 531 Joined: Jan 30, 07	Mar 11, 07, 14:12 / #
I remember that thread still even now ... what an EXPLOSIVE thread that was

polishcanuckThreads: 10 Posts: 583 Joined: Feb 11, 07	Mar 11, 07, 14:20 / #
Well i'm Polish-Canadian (born in PL, grew up in Can.) so I have a pretty good idea of what you're thinking. My parents wouldn't be very proud of me if i brought home an African women and my family in PL would be shocked! An interracial relationship WILL definetly cause problems/embarrassment for your family and theres really no way to go around this. Poland has been a homogeneous country for quite some time and most poles (especially the older ones) just simply don't like non-whites. I go to PL every couple of years or so and i still hear some people (again mainly the older generation) calling non-whites "diabel" (devil) or "malpa" (monkey). It's terrible but eventually as PL receives more and more immigrants things will change. You seem very positive and optimistic, so my advice to you is to do what makes YOU happy. You will have to put up with a lot of "crap" but if you feel strong enough go ahead and maybe you'll change the mentality of the people around you. I'm sure things will change once your boyfriend/husband gets a job, shows that he's hard working and able to support you + future kids your family will get to like him. If you want my $0.02 about this subject, personally i would not get involved in an interracial relationship simply because there are too many cultural differences - especially newly arrived immigrants. I used to study at a very multicultural University here in canada and it was very difficult to connect with people of other cultures. Also becarefull, this guy may also be looking for an EU passport... powodzenia!

LoneStrangerThreads: 3 Posts: 531 Joined: Jan 30, 07	Mar 11, 07, 14:31 / #
Quoting: polishcanuck EU passport this one! is so sick. I tell you... there are people who say same about people from any lower income country for usa or uk etc. Even for Poles. It dont mean that everyone is like that. I say, if you love your man/woman... go ahead, speak with the family, explain why you are right! You must be confident yourself to give people confidence over yourself and your decisions! If you dont have confidence, then you cannot walk ahead in life, and you are leing to yourself. I myself am involved with a girl from another country/race... my mom knows it!... she was afraid first....but because she knows me...she knows that I have made the best choice...and my choice is the best person for me and my future. If you parents think that you will choose a monkey for youself....then dont blame their old thoughts....blame your own personality infront of them. This is not a question whether your bf or gf is able or not......this question is that Whether you are Able/Capable enough of not. Good luck and best wishes

schultz	Mar 11, 07, 15:00 / #
I find that white men who date women from asia and other non western countries because they cannot pick up a white woman. But I have seen many good looking white girls with men of other races. In this day and age it is not considered cool to date white men.

LoneStrangerThreads: 3 Posts: 531 Joined: Jan 30, 07	Mar 11, 07, 15:05 / #
Quoting: schultz because they cannot pick up a white woman You are generalizing?... Love is universal... and love dont have to be confined. If is was confined, it would not be love.... and then Love could not be a part of the Eternal Light... which we call...the GLORY OF GOD. And about picking up women... not part of a strong personality.

Member 223	Mar 11, 07, 16:10 / #
Schultz, what are you talking about. White men don't always date black or Asian women because they can't get a white date. Sometimes we can see thrrough the racial barrier and accept someone for who they are.

carole	Mar 11, 07, 17:53 / #
Hey again! First of all, thanks for response and/or cheering me up And then... SEDZIA and LONESTRANGER, I've seen the previous thread. Well, most of it. I gave up at some point but I think I got the idea. I saw how ugly and explosive that subject can be. Even without reading that thread, to tell the truth. Anyway, I never intended to start another "fight" or cause any kind of "trouble" on the forum. So, peace everyone! MEMBER 223, in fact I do study psychology, but it doesn't mean anything really. Have you heard of brilliant psychotherapists who have problems in their own marriages/families/personal lives and can't cope with them on their own? That is why every psychotherapist usually has to go through his/her own therapy before even attempting to help anybody. And then during their practice they are assigned a supervisor with whom they consult any doubts or problems. If you're Polish you must also know a wise old saying: szewc bez butów chodzi. That's how it is. Psychology students (psychologists as well actually) are normal people, you know. POLISHCANUCK, thanks for your opinion. Me and my bf have been together for quite a long time now and we've been through a lot. Had our ups and downs obviously. Got to know each other pretty well and (unless he's a magnificent actor and I'm stupid and completely blind) I know perfectly well that he would never be with somebody for the EU passport. He's too proud for it anyway. And initially he didn't even consider me as a potential "material" for a serious relationship. He simply didn't want to be with a white girl. But he fell in love (we both did) and made his decision. It's been a while ago... And I also don't quite agree with you about the multicultural environment. I happen to live in such at the moment and I find it enormously interesting, stimulating and educating. And, so far, I haven't had any serious problems communicating with people from different cultures. On the contrary, they're all lovely, friendly and adorable and to tell the truth I prefer that community to the one I've lived in in Poland. But obviously it's just a matter of taste and it's just my opinion

Patrycja19Threads: 79 Posts: 3,974 Joined: Oct 31, 06	Mar 12, 07, 00:01 / #
Quoting: carole But he fell in love (we both did) Carole, this was your answer all along. isnt it love we marry for? isnt it love we look for? if you have found it, why would you let others make some of the most important decisions of " YOUR LIFE" for you? The Older generations dont accept anyone much, because when they grew up times were different, so its hard for them, what you have to have is patience with them , eventually they will accept and just want you to be happy, and as long as they see that you are, I am sure they will rest easy.

ztynf	Edited by: ztynf Mar 1, 08, 13:54 / #
white women are made by white men they are our women white women it is not cool to date blacks it is the behaviour of tramp let the black have his own women and u stop being a pervert and find a whiteman

Patrycja19Threads: 79 Posts: 3,974 Joined: Oct 31, 06	Mar 1, 08, 14:04 / #
ztynf wrote: stop this at once you are a white women made for a white man stop this perversion now I think they stopped it back in march of 07 :))) LOL... march 11, to be precise.. you dont have to worry about it now..

EbonyandBathoryThreads: 7 Posts: 349 Joined: Feb 14, 08	Mar 1, 08, 14:18 / #
You've got to be kidding me, ztynf. I hope, for your sake, you're being sarcastic.

DiceThreads: 20 Posts: 677 Joined: Nov 27, 07	Edited by: Dice Mar 1, 08, 14:34 / #
If it was up to me I would make it a law that everybody would have to date people from other races. The World would be a better place then. ztynf wrote: white women are made by white men they are our women Zynf is just a very sexually insecure man, that's all. One of the racist stereotypes (true or not, I don't know, you ladies tell me) is that Black Men have bigger hmmm... 'tools'. One may say that this is a positive stereotype, but in this case it backfired because of a large number of sexually insecure White Men (ztynf), who just simply freak out when they see a White Woman with a Black Man. lol

Arien	Mar 1, 08, 14:54 / #
Dice wrote: If it was up to me I would make it a law that everybody would have to date people from other races. The World would be a better place then. No it wouldn't be, because of the simple fact that some people will always try to find a new reason to make eachother feel miserable..

Madzia22Threads: - Posts: 73 Joined: Dec 20, 07	Mar 2, 08, 05:01 / #
Dice wrote: If it was up to me I would make it a law that everybody would have to date people from other races. The World would be a better place then. Thats why it isn't up to you... there are smarter people then you to make a law Dice wrote: is that Black Men have bigger hmmm... 'tools' I don't know and I don't care, horses have bigger tools... should I have sex with them then? lol

whteverThreads: 1 Posts: 3 Joined: Feb 25, 08	Mar 2, 08, 16:50 / #
hi carole, I understand u that it's a really tough situation for u but like wht others say, love conquers all to me, u should bear in mind that it's really hard to find someone u love i think if ur family loves u, they should support u for the fact that u both love each other!! i m sure they want someone to adore u instead of getting a white jerk, rite? so gd luck n all the best! X

jones101Threads: 1 Posts: 554 Joined: Jan 14, 08	Mar 2, 08, 17:32 / #
Carole...I know it doesn't make dealing with the idiots any easier but if you love him and are happy with him inside of your personal world then SCREW everyone else. NOBODY has the right to judge or tell you who you can love. Racism is all over the world but is is more prevalent in Poland and I think you know that. Just remember what is important (meaning loving and caring for each other) and try your best to avoid/ignore the simple minded morons who would give you grief.

polishgirltx	Mar 2, 08, 17:41 / #
carole wrote: If it's worth fighting for. if it's love, it's worth fighting for no matter what.... jones101 wrote: happy with him inside of your personal world then SCREW everyone else. NOBODY has the right to judge or tell you who you can love. i agree...

KilklineThreads: 3 Posts: 894 Joined: Jul 23, 07	Mar 2, 08, 17:42 / #
schultz wrote: I find that white men who date women from asia and other non western countries because they cannot pick up a white woman. But I have seen many good looking white girls with men of other races. Alot of Asian girls are very pretty. Also when I see a white girl with a non-white guy she tends to look a bit....mmm... trashy. Its all a matter of choice though. I've been out with different ethnic girls and it was more because of opportunity than preference for a particular colour. You talk to someone in a social situation, you like each other and go on a date etc, etc.

jones101Threads: 1 Posts: 554 Joined: Jan 14, 08	Mar 2, 08, 17:45 / #
Kilkline wrote: Also when I see a white girl with a non-white guy she tends to look a bit....mmm... trashy How sad for you that you see her that way.

LondonChickThreads: 43 Posts: 1,261 Joined: Nov 19, 07	Edited by: LondonChick Mar 2, 08, 17:55 / #
schultz wrote: I find that white men who date women from asia and other non western countries because they cannot pick up a white woman. I don't think that this is true in every case, but yes... I've met my fair share of older ugly chaps with Thai / Russian wives who are 20 years younger than them. Hmmm... wonder what the balance is like in those relationships.... Kilkline wrote: Also when I see a white girl with a non-white guy she tends to look a bit....mmm... trashy. Totally judgemental. Care to elaborate?

JustysiaSThreads: 15 Posts: 2,869 Joined: Oct 14, 07 MEMBER	Mar 2, 08, 17:57 / #
My brother-in-laws cousin (Polish) is married and has a baby with a black guy she met in England. The Polish family hasnt got anything against it, the kid is cute and the bloke speaks good Polish, too. There is nothing wrong with interracial relationships, you dont choose whom you love and definitely your family doesnt choose them for you. If they love you, they will accept it, even if it takes them a lot of time. Poland is still quite prejudiced towards other races, but who says you need anyones acceptance? Its your life, live it the way you want it. Like whtever said, youre better off with someone who adores and loves you, than with someone white, catholic but an as*hole.

KilklineThreads: 3 Posts: 894 Joined: Jul 23, 07	Mar 2, 08, 18:10 / #
jones101 wrote: How sad for you that you see her that way. Its not a personal judgement on her morals or anything. Just a visual impression. I have no opinions on her choices. LondonChick wrote: Kilkline wrote: Also when I see a white girl with a non-white guy she tends to look a bit....mmm... trashy. Totally judgemental. Care to elaborate? Council estate mums pushing prams, bleached hair, smoking, loud regional accent, Argos jewellery, tattoos, bad skin. This isnt a judgement just an observation.

jones101Threads: 1 Posts: 554 Joined: Jan 14, 08	Mar 2, 08, 18:11 / #
Thats what I meant...it is sad that your visual impression is so low of her.

KilklineThreads: 3 Posts: 894 Joined: Jul 23, 07	Mar 2, 08, 18:14 / #
jones101 wrote: Thats what I meant...it is sad that your visual impression is so low of her. Are you saying its said that she gives such a bad visual impression?

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