Do Poles Lack in Social Skills and Etiquette?

cable:

I ask this question rather tentatively, as the Pole in question is my BF of 1 year. He lives here in the UK, and is the most loving, kind and gentle man.

However, we have never gone out on a date - ie. dinner, cinema. I'm working and earning a good salary, so would be happy to pay my way, but it just seems that all socializing goes on in the home.

He thinks it strange when I ask if he has ever dined out, or would he go out on a date, almost as if it simply isn't something he has ever done!!!

Your comments will be much appreciated!!

cableThreads: 7 Posts: 64 Joined: Mar 10, 09	Dec 7, 09, 17:55 / #
I ask this question rather tentitively, as the Pole in question is my BF of 1 year. He lives here in the UK, and is the most loving, kind and gentle man. However, we have never gone out on a date - ie. dinner, cinema. I'm working and earning a good salary, so would be happy to pay my way, but it just seems that all socialising goes on in the home. He thinks it strange when I ask if he has ever dined out, or would he go out on a date, almost as if it simply isn't something he has ever done!!! Your comments will be much appreciated!!

delphiandomineThreads: 42 Posts: 9,954 Joined: Nov 25, 08 [Suspended]	Dec 7, 09, 17:58 / #
cable: He thinks it strange when I ask if he has ever dined out, or would he go out on a date, almost as if it simply isn't something he has ever done!!! Seems quite odd behaviour to me! Poles are generally quite socialable people.

slonceThreads: - Posts: 23 Joined: Aug 24, 09	Dec 7, 09, 18:04 / #
cable: However, we have never gone out on a date - ie. dinner, cinema That is not normal for polish people!!!!It just must be they way he is! Maybe he doesent like spending any money....because eating at home is so much cheaper!!!

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 7, 09, 21:29 / #
Some do and some don't, like anywhere. I think slonce made a good point in that many Poles prefer to eat indoors as they can prepare some really good stuff. If they do eat outdoors, it tends to be grabbing a bite on the way home like a kebab. Many Poles take great delight in saying 'idę do domu' (I'm going home). It's where their family often is and they generally love to chat with them. I wasn't much of a cinema person either until my partners got me into it. Girls like the romantic feel of the cinema and it is cosy. Dinners too. Maybe he just likes the quaint feel of your place. Be careful not to mistake preference for ineptitude.

KapustaThreads: 5 Posts: 120 Joined: Apr 29, 09	Dec 7, 09, 21:48 / #
Cable I think it's just that your man prefers home. You could be totally right that he has never been on a date. Do you know his dating history? Maybe he's a newcomer to all things 'datey' :) Or he could just prefer to eat at home. Maybe suggest to go to a movie without involving food. Just the movie and home. Seanus: I wasn't much of a cinema person My friend Piotr was like that too and then his new GF suggested going a couple of times. Now they buy a ticket that gets them in any time they like etc. Can't keep him out the cinema! ;) I think he didn't like the cinema before because he always went with friends but it's a different experience with his GF ;)

time meansThreads: 9 Posts: 2,306 Joined: Apr 21, 08	Dec 7, 09, 21:51 / #
cable: we have never gone out on a date Maybe he is married and does not want to be seen with you.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 7, 09, 21:53 / #
Girls can really have a big influence on this one. If a guy asked me, I'd probably recommend watching it at home from a download but it's just different with a girl at the cinema. It reminds me of the Pulp Fiction sketch where Jules asked Vincent if he'd give a guy a foot massage, LOL. That's kinda how this is :) Besides, would you really wanna be alongside a member of the same sex in a dark room? ;) ;)

jedenThreads: - Posts: 297 Joined: Nov 30, 09	Dec 7, 09, 21:55 / #
Seems quite odd behaviour to me! Poles are generally quite socialable people Close... We are rather home birds. ...so would be happy to pay my way maybe this is problem . he has not money, and he doesn`t want situation that You pay.

KrystalThreads: 7 Posts: 108 Joined: Sep 17, 09	Edited by: Krystal Dec 7, 09, 22:11 / #
I think your BF is watching his money. I think he do not want to spend too much money. Some men are very tight with their pay check. I know some men or women do not like to go out to fancy places. Some do go lot of places like going to movies, theatre, dancing in night clubs and fancy restaurants. That is between you two.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 7, 09, 22:22 / #
Some men are tight with their paychecks for good reason :) They are not trees upon which money grows.

NikaThreads: 3 Posts: 651 Joined: Jul 21, 09	Dec 7, 09, 22:52 / #
joepilsudski: joepilsudski hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Totally agree. As a Pole I confirm that Poles Do Lack in Social Skills and Etiquette. Never ever do we go out on dates, dine out, go to cinema, go for a drink or coffee/tea, go to dance clubs. Don't ask why - that's just the way it is....

AmathystThreads: 30 Posts: 3,967 Joined: Nov 10, 06	Edited by: Amathyst Dec 7, 09, 22:54 / #
We've just had two secondees from our Warsaw office...they were out every night of the week, pair of little social animals they were :D They were also out every Friday after work with colleagues, which aparently they miss now they're back in Poland because everyone goes home on the dot, no cheeky Friday beers :( I think its your b/f - If after one year the tight wad hasnt taken you for dinner, you should really consider if this is what you want for the rest of your life?

NikaThreads: 3 Posts: 651 Joined: Jul 21, 09	Dec 7, 09, 23:02 / #
Amathyst: We've just had two secondees from our Warsaw office...they were out every night of the week, pair of little social animals they were They must have had some Social Skills and Etiquette training before they came.

frdThreads: 8 Posts: 1,956 Joined: Feb 3, 09	Edited by: frd Dec 8, 09, 13:27 / #
Seanus: Gliwice is not the best for restuarants. As most Silesian cities there's a huge gap between these 3 segments "cheap diners for hobos or homeless aka bary mleczne/jadłodalnie","junk food bars" and "expensive restaurants".. I could say that "Sphinx" is trying to fill it but don't want any forum Sphinx hater to stab in some dark alley. Seanus: You just need to squeeze it out of them more as it doesn't come naturally to many. I agree. Although I think that the lack of possibilities in cities and towns in Poland might be blamed for such habits as "not going out". If that's the case as Seanus said you'd need to squeeze it out of them, show them all the bright sides.

joepilsudskiThreads: 44 Posts: 2,529 Joined: Apr 27, 07	Edited by: joepilsudski Dec 7, 09, 22:25 / #
cable: I ask this question rather tentatively, as the Pole in question is my BF of 1 year. He lives here in the UK, and is the most loving, kind and gentle man. However, we have never gone out on a date - ie. dinner, cinema. I'm working and earning a good salary, so would be happy to pay my way, but it just seems that all socializing goes on in the home. He thinks it strange when I ask if he has ever dined out, or would he go out on a date, almost as if it simply isn't something he has ever done!!! Your comments will be much appreciated!! The reason for your friend's reticence is because Poles are sorely lacking in manners and etiquette, just as rumored...Your suspicions are confirmed...You friend probably has not understood the difference between a sink and the toilet, or still gets them confused...He is reluctant to go to, say, a restaurant with you because he is afraid that if he needs to go, he might walk into the kitchen mistakenly and pee in the sink...Perhaps you, as a civilized and sophisticated person, can help him distinguish these things, and in this way you two can have normal social activities in a public place. Do you ever notice an 'unusual' smell from your own kitchen sink after your BF goes into the kitchen to get something from the refrigerator? Just Ask Joe..........StoLat!

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 7, 09, 22:30 / #
Poles themselves can spot 'wieśniaki' a mile off. They are the boorish types that you need to avoid but they can be found in different cultures. Your lad sounds like he's not like that. He is not one of the kurwa boys, those hooded wan*ers that can be found in quite a few places.

derek trotterThreads: 12 Posts: 252 Joined: Apr 10, 09	Edited by: derek trotter Dec 7, 09, 23:10 / #
cable: However, we have never gone out on a date - ie. dinner, cinema how you people meet each other if there was no date of any form? you just basically shoveled him directly from building site to your house or what?

aphrodisiacThreads: 22 Posts: 3,998 Joined: Apr 15, 09	Dec 7, 09, 23:15 / #
cable: Your comments will be much appreciated!! I guess it depends what he learnt at home. My parents had a social life as long as I remember and I like going out. Ask him what kind of people his parents are. Maybe they did not have the opportunity to go out, so he does not see anything wrong with staying at home. Also, he this could be just his personality. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Ask him to go out every other weekend, or so and then both of you will be accommodated.

frdThreads: 8 Posts: 1,956 Joined: Feb 3, 09	Dec 8, 09, 00:59 / #
Seanus: I think slonce made a good point in that many Poles Take Gliwice for instance, where would you "eat out" in Gliwice? McDonalds and kebab stalls and pizzerias are the only places where you can eat out. Most Poles are pretty thrifty and will go to a restaurant only when they are rich or if there's a big occasion for that. I think many polish cities lack of cheap places that serve something beside junk food. I personally find it irritating that there are no such places in Silesia, same thing with cafes, you've got coffee heaven in big supermarkets but no nice places to have a coffee or tea in city centres. Maybe Katowice is the only exception.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 8, 09, 10:26 / #
Gliwice is not the best for restaurants. It had a placed called Something Different but the rent was too high for the upkeep of the building. Gazdówka is a good bet. I like the joke postings by Nika and Joe. Of course many Poles have social skills and etiquette. You just need to squeeze it out of them more as it doesn't come naturally to many.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Edited by: Seanus Dec 8, 09, 13:49 / #
Some of us can have that effect on others. When there's a radiant glow from sb, only the most ignorant can't pick up on it. Gotta put the good vibes out there in the hope that you get sth back, otherwise life becomes a lesson in futility. I really think the education system should shoulder a lot of the blame. I see many young Poles think they are hotshots, that they are somehow gifted beyond all recognition. Then they realise the harsh reality of working life and their 'knowledge' goes out of the window half of the time. Maybe it's just my old head on calm shoulders that sees that. As for etiquette, I had a classic today. One of my pet hates is not having locks on doors. The toilets at my school don't have. Still, I went in the main door and there are 2 toilets behind closed doors. Rather than cough and splutter or clear his throat, a guy sat like a prize fukin prune on the throne and I opened the door to see him sitting there with his kegs down. When he saw me, all the fucnut could think of to say was 'zajęty'. I figured that you dumb pric*! I had no way of knowing he was there. Still, a woman said thanks for me holding the door open so that almost made me faint through shock. Manners exist, hallelujah! I think that merits some Cohen or Buckley. Ah, some Cohen, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJTiXoMCppw, Hallelujah

sledzThreads: 29 Posts: 3,202 Joined: Sep 19, 06	Edited by: sledz Dec 8, 09, 14:02 / #
cable: However, we have never gone out on a date - ie. dinner, cinema. I'm working and earning a good salary, so would be happy to pay my way, but it just seems that all socialising goes on in the home Maybe hes saving up all his money he can make in the UK and return back home to Poland when he has his nest egg all saved up? Id find another guy that treats you like a lady should be treated, it sounds like hes just using you, Guys can be very cunning,,,,tell him to take a hike:)

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 8, 09, 14:06 / #
That would make sense. Polish people save a lot in the UK, it's sth of a convention. They dream of their return to 'paradise'. In the interim, they need love and sex so I'd take what sledz said on board. I'm not saying your lad is like that but I've heard way too many stories about cheating going on. The Catholic sticker gets ripped off.

sledzThreads: 29 Posts: 3,202 Joined: Sep 19, 06	Dec 8, 09, 14:08 / #
I could be wrong but then again???? It doesnt sound like shes having much fun anyways, theres plenty of fish(sledz) in the sea:) :):)

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 8, 09, 14:33 / #
Who knows, right? It's good to be positive and work with that but you have to paint as full a picture as possible. Life has people pinging about in all directions and some need reaffirmation or even first confirmation of sth. Take marriage, for example. Why do you think that quite a few reaffirm their vows? Surely they thought that it would be for life when signing the contract the first time!? Uh uh! Life isn't quite that simple and we need a clarification of the position. The same with contract law, an area I've gotten back into. It doesn't hurt to ascertain intentions, really. Like it or not, we live our lives in phases and we shouldn't just put the blinkers on and choose to see what we want to see. There's little worse than being used in life.

MatyjaszThreads: 2 Posts: 1,786 Joined: Jul 20, 06	Dec 8, 09, 16:30 / #
Seanus: When he saw me, all the fucnut could think of to say was 'zajęty'. I figured that you dumb pric! I had no way of knowing he was there. Easy there Seanus. If I would be caugh sitting on a toilet with my pants down I would most proably say the same as this guy.Does the british etiquette say anything about such situations? ;) frd: I agree. Although I think that the lack of possibilities in cities and towns in Poland might be blamed for such habits as "not going out". And this attitude in turn can be blamed by the peoples lack of funds. I've read once here on this very forum that it is a polish tradition not to dine out. Nonesense. The only people that eat out are those that can afford it, and lets be honest here, up until recently, not many could. Since the 90's things have been changing here, though, and no doubt with the population getting wealthier so will increase the number of nice, cheap restaurants other than pizzerias.

frdThreads: 8 Posts: 1,956 Joined: Feb 3, 09	Edited by: frd Dec 8, 09, 16:37 / #
Matyjasz: And this attitude in turn can be blamed by the peoples lack of funds. I didn't rule that one out, did I? It's just another cause, and they are not always intertwined. Seanus: I opened the door Isn't one of the basics of good etiquette knocking before entering? Can't image such situation where a person doesn't knock on the door first.

MatyjaszThreads: 2 Posts: 1,786 Joined: Jul 20, 06	Dec 8, 09, 16:49 / #
frd: I didn't rule that one out, did I? It's just another cause, and they are not always intertwined. Of course, and I didn't try to make it sound as if you ruled that posibility out. I think many a times its a case of an old habit that dies hard.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07	Dec 8, 09, 16:56 / #
Matyjasz, we actually have locks. Frd, I usually do but this time I didn't.

MatyjaszThreads: 2 Posts: 1,786 Joined: Jul 20, 06	Dec 8, 09, 17:23 / #
Seanus: Matyjasz, we actually have locks. Well, that sounds quite sensible. :)