Fell in love with a Polish girl, but find it difficult to approach her

Congratulations on talking to her. I know how hard it is to go up and talk to someone you have a crush on. It was very inspiring and encouraging to hear that you did it.

Cheers, I'm still buzzing about doing it. I probably wouldn't be any happier even if she had said she wasn't in a long term relationship. I've got to kick on from this now and continue in a positive manner.

Awwww, well done Ken. I'm so pleased for you. :) Must have taken a lot of guts to do that, with the way you were feeling. But it brings closure and now you know you can tackle anything else in the future.

I'm sure you will meet someone else very soon.

Thanks honey bunny, I hope you are right

as i have said southern, this was not his objective. I know you guys mean well
but hes not you, he is his own person, with respect, that stands out.

he wants meaningful, not love emm and run.



Thats it Ken :)))) Keep your thoughts and feelings the way they are today.
I said it before and I will say it again, I am very proud.. there is a nice catch
out there for you.

Maybe you're right but I need to forget about her now. My best plan now is to start afresh, find someone who is single and take it from there. I can't let myself start thinking that, maybe she wants to be with me instead of boyfriend or I will become too obsessed and drive myself crazy. Its over, finished. New chapter.
You forget, I am complete novice at this game and anyway that isn't how I want to operate, stealing another man's woman, no way. That seems to be the way many men work and probably I am drastically reducing the number of potential matches by taking this stance but I will take that chance. I am going to do things my way, yes, I will take on board certain pieces of advice given here but I have a strong belief in doing things the proper way. To treat others the way I would like to be treated. A naive attitude in this day and age perhaps but I am going to stick with it.

Thanks again. There is no way I'm going back to those dark days. I've been through way too much sh*t for that to happen.

Right attitude.Respect the other guy.We are all in the same boat.

not at all ken :)

its the better way to think.. :)

alot of people say, its the nice guys who finish last, but its the nice guys who are
hard to find.. you just need to put yourself out there more..



I can tell you from experience with my brother.. alot of times women notice
the attentive men.. my brother is very attentive, girls come up and say
to me all the time is your brother married? no hes not, why I dont know , they
both arent, of their own choice.. but when I tell him that a girl is looking at him
he turns red as a beet!! its funny how they see that in him, being attentive
is a very good aspect in a man. my brother is friendly, he talks to all the neighbors
and everyone at work.. of course if I could get him to meet one and start dating
but hes content, so I leave him alone, but thats one of the things I was approached
with by other females.. and he wasnt really a momma's boy, i have two brothers
so she had to pay attention to both, they are just very kind hearted.

plus, the middle brother ( attentive) likes older women, he is 42. he flirts with
some, but not in a bad way, just his own way, its funny to because they bring him
things to his work , like homemade bread, cookies etc..

when he sees a neighbor out, he asks if she would like some help and he does
it for her, every store I go with him he knows alot of people and it never fails every
time, people are just stopping us to say hello and I think our whole city knows him!
I would swear by this.. lol

so ken, maybe , while your out taking a walk, or perhaps out somewhere ....

I think you have the ball bouncing now :))) so go get emm tiger :)))

Wooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!! " Whistleing"

Ken, I could not agree more. Stealing another man’s woman is not nice.
The kind of girl you got yourself involved with, however, is never alone and completely free. If you imagine a pretty girl in her twenties she probably gets scores of text messages and emails a day from “helpful guys” all with different degrees of attachment. The situation is very different from what you can imagine, and it is all a grey mess. Ultimately it is for the girl to decide who to get attached seriously to, and for that my friend you can only make your bid, just like the other guys… nobody can “steal” a girl from anybody… just make a very strong and convincing case for yourself…
The upside is that most of the competition is generally weak and can usually be swept aside without further ado. If your girl is in love with somebody else however you have a real obstacle, and it is generally better to move on.

I understand. As long as a give any opportunity my best shot, I can do no more and it is up to the girl to decide.



I can look back at the 'old me' now and see that I was very easily put off by this situation. I would be interested in someone but then see several guys also interested and I would give up any further pursuit. It was partly me feeling inferior to these other guys and thinking one of them must be better boyfriend material than me. I just didn't understand what I do now. Its just one big game really and its only now I'm finding the instructions on how to play it.

As you get better at it your success rate will go up, but it will always be way below 100%. If however you behave like Patricja’s brother, you will meet so many women that your success rate multiplied by the number of these women will produce you a nice girlfriend sooner or later… and you will be a happy guy, at least for a while.

Yeah, I've always thought that.



I know what you mean, there are a couple of people I know are like that, they seem to be friends with absolutely everyone. I will work on being more like that.

u need confidence fr dat ~ u got it?

It's improving. I am confident that I'm a really decent person if thats what you mean, if others don't think that I'm nice, fair enough but they are mistaken and have some sort of sterotype in their minds. I can't do anything about that, I can only control what I do and what I think. I am not going to radically change my personality. I am always going to be shy and reserved, I am comfortable with that, it is an intrinsic part of who I am. This where I fell down in the past. I felt the only way I could succeed was to be this extrovert, life and soul of the party sort of person. I couldn't do it and then I started feeling depressed and believed that I was useless and that there must be something wrong with me. Now I can see that I don't have to be this way, people like me just the way I am. I have strengths in other areas and I am going to concentrate on those from now on.
So, to answer your question, yes I am confident.

yes, and you dont have to bend over backwards to please everyone, dont think of
it as a chore that you must complete, its a lesson in ethics.(human duty)
how you want to be
as a person. small favors go a long way really.. and you feel better because you
did something helpful without expecting back..

I think so far your doing wonderful, because not only did you accomplish something
you found that fight that you need to survive.. something you had all along just
tucked away!!



:)))))))) rule of the universe. without it, we dont go to the moon, we dont sail
strange waters, or find new lands..

Big congratulations Ken on accomplishing your goal of making the move. When you challenge yourself to approach and speak it is a victory in itself. In many ways your situation was the same as mine (even with the same outcome). Ok it was not a positive outcome this time but someday it will be if you keep going with confidence.

Thanks, it feels good. What was your story?

Well like you I have been a bit doubtful and shy in the past so i know what it is like.

With regard to the Polish woman I was interested in at work (which led me here on a google hit). I was very nervous to speak to her as well and blew it a few times. What totally knocked me was when she approached me and we started talking one day.

I guess I took that as an indicator of interest and a few days later I mustered up the courage to ask for her number and say that I really like her and wanted to meet with her sometime. She told me that she was married and that her phone was not with her so she could not hand me her phone number, she then apologised and said she thought I was sweet for asking.

The thing was like you I felt a lot better having done it, I set myself a goal and I was happy to have reached it.

The fear of doing something is always about ten times worse than actually saying to yourself "screw it, lets go" and actually doing it.

Yeah, seems to be lots of parallels between our stories.



This seems to be an all too frequent occurance (this misunderstanding has arisen on several other threads) and I have enquired before as to why this is. Is it because Polish girls are more friendly than girls from UK? Maybe yes, maybe no. It could also be that we are just too eager to jump at the first sign of affection. I'm not sure what it is. It could well be a bit of desperation or a fear of missing a golden opportunity.
The signals I was getting just before I finally asked the girl appeared to be very clear indeed and I'm quite relieved that I found out immediately that this was not the case. It stopped me before my hopes had a chance to get too high.
Someone told me once that a mistake is only a mistake if we don't learn from it. This wasn't a mistake then, it was an opportunity to learn a bit more about ourselves.

Agreed, and I don't consider it a mistake to test the water and find out where things are. Saves things getting worse later on as you say.

Yep, there is nothing worse than wondering what if?

So, what now?

I find that whenever I become interested/obsessed (some would say it is a fine line with me!) in someone, everyone and everything else just ceases to be of any importance. I'm not sure if this is altogether healthy but I'm pretty certain that I am not the sort of person who would ever cheat on a girl, which I guess is good. I think I would either give them my 100% undivided attention or we would break up. Some have given advice here that the best way to counteract this is to date 2 or 3 girls at the same time.
This doesn't seem right to me and I am keen to understand how widespread this is. Is it mainly men that do this, or are women as guilty? Is this whole approach ficticious?

no, i never did this, even when I was single, one man at a time, it always ends up
someone getting hurt, people dont realize the domino effect it causes.. because
then that hurt person goes on this huge revenge kick and everyone in their path
including the ones that actually love them get hurt. the process never ends till the
domino effect is broken. everyone on a re-bound, just dont work.

even when you break up with someone, take it as learning, to not do it with
the next person, or take it slower, think before you react so to speak..

That makes better sense.

I have friends that have been in what appeared to be serious relationships and they have broken down for whatever reason and then suddenly they seem to be straight into another long term relationship. I just don't understand that. It just seems way too quick after the previous one ended.

re-bound relationships are just horrible, because the unsuspecting new lady or gent
has no idea how much was involved and they wont ever measure up, its up to the
one who broke it off recently to take a break, because this causes more problems
in the end, and what if the "old love" shows back up and says I want you back?
the new one gets hurt, then the old love says, oh yeah, I remembered why we
didnt work and leaves again, and thus, another mess..

not good to jump out of the pan and into the fire..

nice that she didn't cut you to the quick like an english would have

This is exactly the point.Exactly.This is the advantage of both polish and english girls.They cut you to the quick.
The difference is that english girls tend to do it in a rough way,so you need guts to approach the next while the polish girls do it so politely that you find it amusing to approach the next.Meeting one girl brings you closer to the next one.
Contrary to swedish or dutch girls who talk to you for hours without any (quality) result.

thanks Southern, i know what you mean about dutch women, lovely and tall though!

I think the average height in Holland is the biggest on earth.184 cm on average for men and 172 cm for women if I remember,that is about 15% of dutch women are above 180cm!
And among young generation possibly about 25% of dutch women stand over 180 cm.