Poem into Polish for Girlfriend's Anniversary

♂

Mar 5, 11, 01:05 #1

Hi everyone!
I was hoping to get this short poem / song translated into Polish for my Polish girlfriend. She loves this song by Thom Yorke and I was hoping to surprise her with it tomorrow if possible. We've been together for three years and I think she'd really love it! Thanks a lot!

Sleight of hand,
Jump off the end.
Into a clear lake,
No one around.

Just dragonflies,
Flying to the side.
No one gets hurt,
You're doing nothing wrong.

-by Thom Yorke

-Bill

HavokThreads: 14 Posts: 1,508 Joined: Mar 12, 10 MEMBER ♂	Mar 5, 11, 06:23 #2
Dude you can't really translate English poems to Polish. It's almost impossible. It's like asking to translate Litwo! Ojczyzno moja! ty jeste jak zdrowie to English... it wouldn't make sense to anyone outside of Poland. Just send her that.. it will do. Piękne jest słowo kocham, Piękne jest jego brzmienie. Lecz jeśli się kogoś zdradzi, Ciężkie jest tego cierpienie.

LeopejoThreads: 6 Posts: 154 Joined: Sep 16, 09 ♂	Mar 5, 11, 09:47 #3
Havok: It's like asking to translate Litwo! Ojczyzno moja! ty jeste jak zdrowie to English... it wouldn't make sense to anyone outside of Poland. Wrong.

♀

Edited by: Magdalena Mar 5, 11, 11:42 #4

Havok:

Just send her that.. it will do.

Piękne jest słowo kocham,
Piękne jest jego brzmienie.
Lecz jeśli się kogoś zdradzi,
Ciężkie jest tego cierpienie.

What? You think this doggerel is in any way comparable to the poem Wilhelm quoted? What is it anyway - part of disco polo song? Certainly looks like it!

Also, what nonsense:

Havok:

Dude you can't really translate English poems to Polish. It's almost impossible.

Well, it's been done for centuries, you know? Poetry has been translated from and into various languages. Wow.

Willhelm:

Sleight of hand,
Jump off the end.
Into a clear lake,
No one around.

Just dragonflies,
Flying to the side.
No one gets hurt,
You're doing nothing wrong.

Magiczna sztuczka
skok z końca pomostu
przejrzyste jezioro
nikogo wokół niego

I tylko ważki
przelatują bokiem
nikt nie czuje strachu
nie robisz nic złego

Willhelm:

She loves this song by Thom Yorke

Of course I had to change it a bit, and there is only one rhyme. But it is a translation into Polish, and I hope your GF likes it... :-)
Edit: I just noticed that there's only about one rhyme in the original, too. But the way you read it, it sounds like there were more... ;-)

♂

Mar 5, 11, 18:19 #5

Thank you so much Magdalena! I'm sure she'll really love this and I really appreciate your work! You're a life saver! I tried the whole Google translate thing, but I was really worried it would say something ridiculous. Just for fun, do you think you could try translating what Google Translate gave me into English? I would really think it'd be funny to know what I just saved myself from! Here's what Google Translate spitted back to me:

Rękawa
Przejdź na samym końcu.
Do czystego jeziora,
Nikt się.

Wystarczy, ważki,
Latanie na bok.
Nikt nie stanie się krzywda,
Robisz nic złego.

Thanks again everyone!

♀

Edited by: Magdalena Mar 5, 11, 18:26 #6

Willhelm:

Rękawa
Przejdź na samym końcu.
Do czystego jeziora,
Nikt się.

Wystarczy, ważki,
Latanie na bok.
Nikt nie stanie się krzywda,
Robisz nic złego.

Sounds like fun! ;-)

Of the sleeve
Pass at the very end.
To the clean lake,
Nobody themselves.

That's enough, dragonflies,
Flight to the side.
Nobody will not happen harm,
You are doing nothing wrong (this sounds OK when translated back into English, but Polish requires double negation, so it's not OK in the Google version).

♂

Edited by: Willhelm Mar 5, 11, 19:48 #7

Thank you so much Magdalena! You saved me from saying "of the sleeve" to my girlfriend hehe. A little strange way to start a poem. One more thing then I think I'll have it. I know very little Polish, but does Magiczna sztuczka mean like a magic trick or slight? I think in the poem the connotation may be trying to get at more of slight of hand, done by let's say a thief or trickster. Would kuglarstwo be an ok translation of that? I have no idea. I'm just going with what I tried looking up myself in dictionaries. I would hate for it turn out to mean "of the cufflinks" or something equally ridiculous. Thank you so much for your help!

A little more research says it could also mean juggling? Another hilarious misstep? Is there no direct translation of this phrase into Polish? Maybe I could be a little more roundabout with it, like sztuczka "of the hands" or something?

♀

Edited by: Magdalena Mar 5, 11, 20:05 #8

Willhelm:

Magiczna sztuczka mean like a magic trick

Exactly. I hope I got the meaning right!

My translation very literally goes something like this: Magic trick / a jump off the end [of the pier / jetty] (this I added because it would sound very awkward without mentioning from where the jump takes place, hopefully this is not too much of an intrusion) / a clear lake / no one around [it] (added because of rhythm and rhyme) / and only dragonflies / flying to the side (sideways) / nobody feels fear (changed from "gets hurt" because a literal translation would make the phrase clumsy) / you are doing nothing wrong.

♂

Edited by: Willhelm Mar 5, 11, 20:20 #9

Thanks for the explanation, that's really awesome Magdalena! I used to be a Comparison Literature major and seeing your rational behind the translation is really interesting! Would kuglarstwo or zręczność be more of a literal translation of slight of hand? Also if I wanted to change "fear" back to "hurt" (even if it might be a bit more clumsy) how would I do that? I really appreciate your help, and find your translation to be really great. I really appreciate the thought you put into it!

EDIT: By the way, I'm going to try to give it to her tonight, so all of these quick responses are perfect! Thanks!

EDIT: Also if you ever need a translation into Spanish, Latin, or Russian let me know! I owe you one!

♀

Edited by: Magdalena Mar 5, 11, 21:03 #10

Willhelm:

Would kuglarstwo or zręczność be more of a literal translation of slight of hand?

Kuglarstwo - the dictionary does mention sleight of hand, but the main association would be with juggling; that's one problem. The other is, in the case of this particular poem, that "kuglarstwo" does not fit gramatically either. It would literally mean "sleight-of-handing" or "activity through which sleight of hand is performed" - not a good opening for a poem, methinks ;-)
Zręczność, on the other hand, literally means "agility" or "dexterity", so no magical connotations here, I'm afraid.

EDIT: I just read what you wrote once again and it seems you want to back away from the magician a little bit and go more towards a trickster - you could probably say "sztuczka kuglarza", but then you totally lose the picture of someone jumping into a lake.
I know "sleight of hand" has got "hand" in it, but I think it has become a way of describing any trick, a special way of doing something in a surprising manner, etc.? While "sztuczka kuglarza" drags in the image of a clown in full regalia or a magician in a top hat doing card tricks. Maybe I'm lost here a bit. But in the face of all the evidence I'd stick to "magiczna sztuczka".

Willhelm:

Also if I wanted to change "fear" back to "hurt" (even if it might be a bit more clumsy) how would I do that?

I was afraid you'd ask that ;-)
Seriously, though: no problem. I have a thing about verse length and stuff, cause I write myself, but that's just me. ;-)
Here's a bunch of "hurt" versions:

"Nikomu nie stanie się krzywda" or "Nikomu nie dzieje się krzywda" or "Nikt nie zostanie skrzywdzony"

Willhelm:

Also if you ever need a translation into Spanish, Latin, or Russian let me know!

Thanks :-)

I really enjoyed this! Please let me know if your GF liked it :-)

♂

Mar 6, 11, 18:33 #11

Thanks so much Magdalena! She thought it was wonderful, and it really helped to make the night special!

After I gave it to her, I made sure to give credit to you and the other rare but awesome people on the internet, hehe. Often times when I think of the internet, I am struck by the pessimism, lack of empathy, and overall dearth of humanity that especially fills commenting and forum threads. In this way, I thank you for not only putting hard work into translating the poem in a beautiful and thoughtful way, but also on the level of a stranger helping a person they don't know or even see. In some small way, it helps remind me of the optimism and empathy possible on the internet and the world.

My girlfriend and I both thank-you, and I hope that you keep up your artistic and thoughtful translation work!

-Bill

MagdalenaThreads: 5 Posts: 1,389 Joined: Aug 15, 07 ♀	Mar 6, 11, 20:03 #12
Willhelm: My girlfriend and I both thank-you I like poetry and I like translation, so basically there was no stopping me! :-) Likewise, my best wishes to you and your girlfriend! Live long and prosper! (I do hope you like Star Trek) ;-)

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