'Tez mi sie sniles..' - Help me translate my polish bf's email

tonicwater

Dec 5, 11, 12:49 #1

Hi,

Can someone please tell me what is being said in this conversation? My bf is emailing his ex and I want to know whats going on:

ex gf
Tez mi sie sniles w dobrym kontekscie. Mam nadzieje ze glownie to bedziemy pamietac.
Tak ogolnie to wszystko dobrze u ciebie pomijajac ciezar sytuacji w jakies sie znalezlismy. Ukladasz sobie zycie? Latwiej jest jak jane jest z toba?
Przykro mi ze nie bedziesz na swieta w domu, mam nadzieje ze mimo wszystko dobrze je spedzisz.

my bf:
ja staram sie nie wspominac nic bo rani mnie to wciaz bardzo mocno. zycia sobie nie ukladam bo nie ma tu poczucia stabilizacji. wszysko jest tymczasowe. z jane latwiej jest nie myslec o samotnosci, bo nie ma na nia miejsca. tak to wyglada.

I tried to translate on google translate and it sounds like he is with me just so he is not lonely. I don't want to be some rebound girl. Please tell me if I should be worried?

Thanx

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 12:54 #2
Mods, this is a forum that values privacy so I suggest PF has one less member. Too many people think they can get off with prying&spying, govts first and foremost, and it's just not on!! Tonicwater, you should be ashamed of yourself! Helping you in this situation would be like rolling around in a gutter.

♂

Dec 5, 11, 12:55 #3

In a nutshell he was hurt before and they both talk about their current lives. I don't want to give you a word by word translation because it doesn't feel right. I don't think you should worry about the email BUT ask yourself this - do you see a future for the two of you when you don't trust him already and read his private correspondence? Seriously, what kind of relationship can be built on distrust?

tonicwater	Dec 5, 11, 13:04 #4
You right i should not be prying, I do trust him but im insecure. It's human to be insecure, right? Even if you do trust someone. Sorry seanus - I was just asking. Sheesh!

♂

Dec 5, 11, 13:06 #5

Seanus:

Tonicwater, you should be ashamed of yourself! Helping you in this situation would be like rolling around in a gutter.

Why so?

Maybe she has been hurt before by him. Maybe she has reason to mistrust him. Maybe she has been hurt in a previous relationship which in turn leads to her mistrust and insecurity. There are a 101 factors that may contribute to her obvious insecurity. The fact that he is able to communicate freely in a language Tonicwater doesn't understand will also add to her insecurities. Maybe she really does love him and is scared to commit totally.

When I first met my wife she was insecure and jealous and went through all my mail because her previous (1st) boyfriend took her love and stamped all over it. This has a long term negative affect on her.

It happens. We are shaped by our experiences.

Comparing her prying to that of the kind of prying carried out be governments is absurd!!!!

She is an insecure girl in need of some peace of mind. Nothing more.

♂

Dec 5, 11, 13:07 #6

Don't allow yourself to be that way. Maybe my wife is cheating on me right now (I doubt it) but why think about it? What I don't see or know doesn't hurt me (to a large extent, that's true). As for privacy, how would you feel if I asked you to post a naked picture of yourself to me? It wouldn't be right, would it? It's entering forbidden territory unless there is consent involved and I doubt he consented.

southernThreads: 116 Posts: 10,955 Joined: May 17, 07 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 13:15 #7
Seanus: Maybe my wife is cheating on me right now (I doubt it) but why think about it? Feeling the horns growing?

tonicwater

Dec 5, 11, 13:16 #8

EdWilczynski

Thanks for your compassion. I dont know what seanus is being an anus. Yeah sure i have been cheated on many times. And yes, i want to know if my time invested into the relationship is false? cause sounds like maybe im being used to get over his ex. Fair enough - we all need rebound relationships. And if thats the case then I's rather know, have peace of mind and move on. We have only been together 4 months. I never talk to my ex but he still does.

I just want to know so I can just know and move on if i'm just here to fix loneliness.

JonnyMThreads: 16 Posts: 4,487 Joined: Mar 9, 11 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 13:20 #9
Looking at the message, you don't have anything to worry about. The passage you're most concerned about is saying there's no place in his life for loneliness with you around. He sounds OK.

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 13:22 #10
And he still will. That's the Polish way. Almost without fail there is a significant other left behind, of varying degrees of closeness. Time and time and time again I've seen it and even experienced it. Their romanticism causes it. Without me going into specifics, tell him 'do widzenia i wypierdal*j do Polski'. He should get the message!

♂

Dec 5, 11, 13:26 #11

EdWilczynski:

She is an insecure girl in need of some peace of mind. Nothing more.

If a person owns up to snooping where they shouldn't I almost don't mind obliging them, kind of poetic justice, don't ask if you don't want to know.

My quick version of what seems to be going on:

The ex-GF is definitely still interested in the guy and scoping out the territory and looking for signs of encouragement. That part could not be clearer (though if the bf's clueless in that typical guy way he might not get it).

BF is (politely but firmly) rebuffing the GF for the time being but .... not 100 % invested in the relationship with the OP right now. Nothing wrong with that, many long term great relationships begin with one partner there mostly because they'd rather not be alone. But the OP probably doens't have the maturity to let things be and will quickly push him away with needy, obsessive behavior.

SteveramsfanThreads: 2 Posts: 401 Joined: Nov 22, 09 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 13:29 #12
tonicwater What Seanus means is, don't pry into his messages, its not a nice thing to do even if you are insecure. If you think you are a rebound Girl, just ask him to his face, don't read his mail. If he finds out you read his mail and you are not a Rebound Girl you will be a single girl anyway! I'm with Seanus, don't pry, be open about it.

♂

Edited by: Seanus Dec 5, 11, 13:32 #13

So I see we are ok with snooping. I could gain instant access to hackers if I so wanted and you'd see your private messages up on the screen in no time. How about that? One phone call and it's done! However, I wouldn't do it as it's immoral/wrong and also against the rules. Also, the rules frown upon it so I expect the Mods to take a stance on this one.

Words of wisdom from Steve APU. Relationships are about honesty. Besides, it's not as if he is having sex with her (I assume she lives in Poland). Living in paranoia will shorten your life.

carrie655

Dec 5, 11, 13:58 #14

EdWilczynski:

She is an insecure girl in need of some peace of mind. Nothing more.

Well said, it can be very difficult when you are not fluent in an aspect of a language and your partner is txting or emailing some one of the opposite sex, even if it a message that has to be passed on.
Sometimes Polish women can give the non polish G/F's of Polish men a really hard time , I expect the reverse happen's too, this doesn't make people feel secure!!!!

Seanus:

elping you in this situation would be like rolling around in a gutter.

You must realise the problems of mixed culture relationships, you're in one! I would normally expect you to be the voice of reason, this is hardley in the same league as the Stasi or KGB!!!

mafketisThreads: 17 Posts: 1,880 Joined: Mar 31, 08 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 13:58 #15
We've had plenty of snoopers before, they're kind of a cliche even, why are you getting so upset just now?

rozumiemnicThreads: 4 Posts: 1,019 Joined: Nov 16, 09 ♀	Dec 5, 11, 14:01 #16
mafketis: why are you getting so upset just now? oh he is dying to get into his wife's inbox......

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07 ♂	Dec 5, 11, 17:23 #17
There's a joke there but I'll neatly sidestep it. The voice of reason is that it's not ok to snoop around in that way. If his e-mail was left on then it's somewhat forgivable but still an invasion of privacy. I don't want to be a stickler here, I just see how I'd feel if it was done to me.

♂

Dec 5, 11, 18:01 #18

I dunno, the OP is just more open and honest than other snoopers (male and female) who ask for help with texts they 'just happen' to have found and which are obviously copied from so's email or phone....

The OP may be poor girlfriend material but at least she's copped to nosing around in things that aren't her business. And the answer was probably more deflating than finding out he was cheating would have been....

♀

Dec 5, 11, 18:39 #19

tonicwater:

I tried to translate on google translate and it sounds like he is with me just so he is not lonely. I don't want to be some rebound girl. Please tell me if I should be worried?

The conversation probably confirms what you were fearing before you started snooping in his email. The only way to know were the 2 of you are is to talk to him, heart to heart, not arguing, just stating your fears and insecurities. It might end the relationship it might improve it. Either way it will free you from the rebound girl status.

♀

Edited by: f stop Dec 5, 11, 18:59 #20

the ex is trying to hold on. Many women do that. Even after a break-up they like to feel that, just in case, the door is not completely shut. She tells him that she dreams about him, hopes they'll remember only the good times. She wants to know if him being with Jane (presumably you) is better than being alone. She wishes him good holidays despite the fact that he's not coming home. Evil, evil bitch.
The guy is clueless, does not realize he's being manipulated. He tries to be polite without hurting her feelings.
If the right opportunity ever presents itself, try to ask him not to keep in contact with her. And if you run into her, kick her ass.

carrie655

Dec 5, 11, 19:58 #21

f stop:

the ex is trying to hold on.

yes I agree with you here and men being men they just can't see it!!!!!!
Makes me really mad when women do this! Didn't want the man then but if there is improvement in staus
or a new woman on the scene suddenly it's true love !!!!!!
This is one of the reason's why women sometimes snoop! We've all done it and I bet a few men have too

Seanus:

The voice of reason is that it's not ok to snoop around in that way

Obviously you are morally correct here but given the games some people play the rest of us can be forgiven for being human ocassionally !!!!

beckskiThreads: 19 Posts: 2,148 Joined: May 15, 07 MEMBER ♀	Dec 5, 11, 22:06 #22
tonicwater: Help me translate my polish bf's email I don't think you'd appreciate it, if he were to read your private emails. A sincere thanks PF, for putting up with me FIVE terrific years, muah!

tonicwater

Dec 6, 11, 02:12 #23

He might be reading my emails too but I don't care, I have nothing to hide. When I broke it off with my ex I deleted all his emails and told him it was best we not keep in contact as I needed to get over it. So I have nothing to hide. He doesn't hide his emails either but I think it's cause I can't read them that he doesn't hide them.

Thing is I knew he was emailing her as they had legal issues after their breakup as they were together for a long long time and I thought those legal issues were sorted now. I already asked him if he needed to keep emailing her now that it was over with the legal stuff.

It gets to me that she is asking him about me and he is telling her about me. I know she wants him back, and what if he is hanging onto her in case things dont work out with me? Yes I need to speak with him, what I have done isn't right either, snooping is not good. But I have snooped before on previous bf's and found out they were cheating on a massive scale - so I live with the paranoia yes developed from the scars of previous relationships. I just don't have to be taken for a ride either - I deserve to be with someone and have the real thing. People do lie and I don't want to go through
it again.

fstop you are right! I will ask him not to email her anymore, it makes me feel very very uncomfortable.

f stopThreads: 33 Posts: 2,861 Joined: Dec 9, 09 ♀	Edited by: f stop Dec 6, 11, 03:14 #24
one thing he does mention is that his life seems very transitory/unstable/impermanent/transient. Did you know that? This piece of information would be more useful to me than whatever she's saying. It could be his job, place he lives, general lack of direction, ...or you might be a rebound girl. Not that rebound relationships are bound to failure, but they are difficult.

tonicwater

Edited by: tonicwater Dec 6, 11, 04:02 #25

He is talking about his job. He doesn't know if his job will last past January. So he might be unemployed. I am pretty sure that what it is.

Discussing his personal life with his ex is what i'm curious about. it's none of her business anymore. I dont like the fact that he is telling her about his life as its panning out while he has been with me. I was with him when he got the job and i was with him when he found out it might not last past January.

Sounds like he is leaning on her shoulder a bit. He leans on mine as well but why lean on hers too? does he need emotional support from two women?

f stopThreads: 33 Posts: 2,861 Joined: Dec 9, 09 ♀	Dec 6, 11, 04:27 #26
consider this - Polish people have an aversion to bragging. It's.. impolite. Usually, if someone is in melancholy mood, we'll try to outdo them.

♀

Edited by: ReservoirDog Dec 6, 11, 04:33 #27

Sounds like he is leaning on her shoulder a bit. He leans on mine as well but why lean on hers too? does he need emotional support from two women?

Well it depends. As I see she wrote to him first so he answered. There is nothing wrong with that considering the fact that they know each other very long and probably come from the same town. Girl hurt the boy, he wrote he doesn't want to think about her because it hurts - clear message (I hope she got it ;) )
The question is : will he come back to Poland if he lost his job.

One thought, maybe he feels as insecure as you, that's why he mentioned loneliness. Maybe he thinks you will leave him...or something simmilar ;)

♀

Dec 6, 11, 05:26 #28

Jesus. I don't know about you people, but I wouldn't like any of my private messages, phone or mail, discussed on a public forum like this. add to this that the OP is not even the addressee, she has simply stolen the message from her boyfriend's mail account. if my partner did anything like this to me, that would be it. and it wouldn't matter how much he might have been hurt in the past. I might be able to forgive the very fact of snooping in my mail in a moment of weakness, I don't know, but I certainly wouldn't come to terms with bringing it out publicly like this.
girl, talk to your BF. and if you have any insecurity issues, work on it. but this is leading nowhere. this is reason enough to not treat you seriously.
sorry but that's how I feel.

tonicwater

Dec 6, 11, 05:47 #29

Is it unreasonable that I ask him to never email her anymore? As a new gf do I have this right? or can i just let him know it really bothers me and let him decide if he want to or not and accept it.
But I guess ur all right - i just need to talk to him but i'm just really really scared. I have no idea how to bring it up. I'd be ok with admitting i read his email, if he has nothing to hide he wont be angry right?

♂

Dec 6, 11, 06:43 #30

tonicwater:

Is it unreasonable that I ask him to never email her anymore? As a new gf do I have this right? or can i just let him know it really bothers me and let him decide if he want to or not and accept it.
But I guess ur all right - i just need to talk to him but i'm just really really scared. I have no idea how to bring it up. I'd be ok with admitting i read his email, if he has nothing to hide he wont be angry right?

I wouldn't admit that you read his email. Slow down. Maybe there's nothing to worry about. Don't let your imagination get the better of you. And about having a heart to heart, well I'm of the opinion that actions speak louder than words. How does he treat you? Does he have your best interests at heart?

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