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Funny Malapropisms


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pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,395
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: pawian  Jun 15, 11, 13:36    #1
I collect funny malapropisms of my students:




1. She is going to join the gym to lose some weights.

2. My t-shirt is wearing a purple shirt. (pronunciation)

3. He has hurt his uncle.

4. Clowns are performing freaks at the circus.

5. What does Masid do on Sundays? He goes to the pregnant dog.

6. She raped him in a blanket.
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 14:30    #2
pawian:
5. What does Masid do on Sundays? He goes to the pregnant dog.

And the meaning was?!

Funny stuff!
BarneyThreads: 16
Posts: 1,630
Joined: May 26, 08  Pictures: 3 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 14:40    #3
My friend was working in a school and during a science class about fossil fuels he asked if any pupils could give examples of the use of fossil fuels. A small child put her hand up to tell the class that she had an example....... "Snowmans eyes"


While not a malapropism it is funny.
teflcatThreads: 6
Posts: 1,071
Joined: May 29, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 14:46    #4
I still keep a card given to me on the last day of term by some adult Russian students in St. Petersburg. They had all signed the card and then written, "Thank you for the wonderful intercourse". Beware of dictionaries.
JonnyMThreads: 16
Posts: 4,487
Joined: Mar 9, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 14:51    #5
Not malapropisms but not far off. BBC Prime with subtitles in Polish translated by the same firm that provides Polish language 'voiceovers' for films. Some of the translations were terrible. My two favourites were:

Byłam w Oldham Aston w marcu

Czuję się jak mały koń

Can you guess what the original sentences were?
pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,395
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: pawian  Jun 15, 11, 22:16    #6
Antek_Stalich:
pawian:
5. What does Masid do on Sundays? He goes to the pregnant dog.
And the meaning was?!
Funny stuff!



It is the forum`s automatic censor which changed bitch into the pregnant dog. Sorry, not my fault. :):):)

Antek, how about this one? Can you find malapropism here?:
2. My t-shirt is wearing a purple shirt. (pronunciation)


teflcat:
"Thank you for the wonderful intercourse".


You must have satisfied Russian female students to extremes!



JonnyM:
Byłam w Oldham Aston w marcu


I have no idea.


JonnyM:
Czuję się jak mały koń


It must have been: I feel my penis is ridiculously small for my girlfriend.
SeanBMThreads: 41
Posts: 8,727
Joined: Mar 10, 08 ♂ 		Edited by: SeanBM  Jun 15, 11, 22:23    #7
In biology class, the teacher's question "what does a microbiologist do?" (with me prompting) my mate answered "Studies Micro-orgasms".
BartolomeThreads: 2
Posts: 1,345
Joined: Sep 14, 06  Pictures: 3 ♂ 		Edited by: Bartolome  Jun 15, 11, 22:33    #8
JonnyM:
Czuję się jak mały koń

I'm feeling like a pony (?)
JonnyM:
Byłam w Oldham Aston w marcu

There must be some catch with that Oldham/Ashton (railway?), so I'll wait for what you say about it :)
SeanBMThreads: 41
Posts: 8,727
Joined: Mar 10, 08 ♂ 		Edited by: SeanBM  Jun 15, 11, 22:39    #9
When I was teaching, I tried to pronounce everyone's name in Polish, I had just arrived.
To this day I use the English version of Barabara (translates to a quick shag if pronounced like I do).
pgtxThreads: 49
Posts: 6,327
Joined: Feb 14, 09  Gold Member MEMBER ♀ 		 Jun 15, 11, 22:40    #10
SeanBM:
Barabara

bara-bara? haha...
SeanBMThreads: 41
Posts: 8,727
Joined: Mar 10, 08 ♂ 		Edited by: SeanBM  Jun 15, 11, 22:40    #11
pgtx:
bara-bara?

Yeap :x
The whole class broke up laughing, except one girl.... She thought I was making fun of her, I wasn't.
JonnyMThreads: 16
Posts: 4,487
Joined: Mar 9, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 22:41    #12
Bartolome:
I'm feeling like a pony (?)

I'm feeling a little hoarse.
Bartolome:
so I'll wait for what you say about it :)

Something to do with nuclear disarmament.
SeanBMThreads: 41
Posts: 8,727
Joined: Mar 10, 08 ♂ 		Edited by: SeanBM  Jun 15, 11, 22:43    #13
A guy at work last week turned to me and said "We have fart" :)

Bit of Polish English mix, "fart" is "luck".
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 22:45    #14
JonnyM:
Bartolome: I'm feeling like a pony (?)
I'm feeling a little hoarse.

Hahaha!

Not a malamala...whatever you teachers call it but something of this kind. A song of a Warsaw band includes this English chant:
ALL GUNS! FIRE!

The audience sings the chant: OOOORGASM! FIRE! ;-)
BartolomeThreads: 2
Posts: 1,345
Joined: Sep 14, 06  Pictures: 3 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 23:09    #15
JonnyM:
Something to do with nuclear disarmament.

Damn, that's too hard for me. I attended Oldham Ashton's march?
JonnyM:
I'm feeling a little hoarse.

Yir nivir too auld tae learn.
JonnyMThreads: 16
Posts: 4,487
Joined: Mar 9, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 23:15    #16
Bartolome:
I attended Oldham Ashton's march?

Very close. 'I was on the Aldermaston march.'
Bartolome:
Yir nivir too auld tae learn.

Indeedy doody.
BartolomeThreads: 2
Posts: 1,345
Joined: Sep 14, 06  Pictures: 3 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 23:29    #17
JonnyM:
'I was on the Aldermaston march.'

Hehe, Cathy was just 2 years old when they started, then.
JonnyM:
the

Ah, the 'thes'. I'll never learn properly how to use them.

I've got also some little stories from my life. For example, I once called certain guy Oven (I quickly corrected myself, though, replacing the 'v' with a 'w'). And IIRC I also asked a site engineer to 'design' a person to give me a hand with carrying heavy things :)
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 15, 11, 23:32    #18
Bartolome:
to 'design' a person to give me a hand with carrying heavy things :)

Instead of "designate"? ;-)

I once said our President at that time had his name derived from the word "sore' ;-) (it should be "sour")
strzygaThreads: 4
Posts: 986
Joined: Apr 30, 08 ♀ 		 Jun 16, 11, 01:57    #19
Bartolome:
And IIRC I also asked a site engineer to 'design' a person to give me a hand with carrying heavy things :)

While you're at it, please desing one for me too :)
pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,395
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: pawian  Jun 16, 11, 09:43    #20
She has just crushed her car.

Yesterday we saw Star Wars - Episode Python Menace.

Rare planets and animal species are disappearing.

London was built my Romanians.

Who says: Most of my clients are rich and I spend a lot of time in court. Student`s answer - tennis instructor

We were surrounded by dangerous waiters on all sides so there was no way to escape.

Druids were learned priests and lovemakers, wise men and bards.


Now the one which was the hit of the year - hearing it I started RODL (rolling on my desk laughing).

PISSED TO MEET YOU!
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		 Jun 16, 11, 10:16    #21
Just unbelievable!
HA HA HA!
pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,395
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: pawian  Jun 16, 11, 19:56    #22
Antek_Stalich:
Just unbelievable!
HA HA HA!



Yes. :):):)

Some students insert Polish words in English disguise into their utterances:

This is a koszul.

How many ogórs do we need?
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		Edited by: Antek_Stalich  Jun 16, 11, 20:14    #23
pawian:
dangerous waiters

What was that bit about?
Villains?
pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,395
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: pawian  Jun 16, 11, 20:16    #24
Antek_Stalich:
pawian:
dangerous waiters

What was that bit about?
Villains?


Dangerous waters, shark infested, deep etc.
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		Edited by: Antek_Stalich  Jun 16, 11, 20:17    #25
Oh, Mother of People! ;-)))))) And Father of Capitalism! (Miron Białoszewski)
ladyboy  Jun 16, 11, 20:19    #26
A Thai lady I once worked with asked to leave work early due to testical pain. I didn't know what to make of it or pry.
The next day she told me she meant intestinal, not testical.
z_dariusThreads: 22
Posts: 5,091
Joined: Oct 18, 07 ♂ 		 Jun 16, 11, 20:26    #27
- He's a wolf in cheap clothing
- Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel
- We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile (George W. Bush)
- Nowadays, every Tom, Dick and Harry is named Mike
- Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. (Dan Quayle)
- He had to use a fire distinguisher
- It's déjà vu all over again
- I might just fade into Bolivian (Mike Tyson)
- The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder
- Include me out
- Say "No!" to negativity
pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,395
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		 Jun 16, 11, 20:37    #28
Antek_Stalich:
2. My t-shirt is wearing a purple shirt. (pronunciation)


Have you deciphered this one already?
Antek_StalichThreads: 6
Posts: 1,533
Joined: May 6, 11 ♂ 		Edited by: Antek_Stalich  Jun 16, 11, 20:51    #29
pawian:
Antek_Stalich: 2. My t-shirt is wearing a purple shirt. (pronunciation)

Have you deciphered this one already?

Not this one. Tell me.

z_darius:
- We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile

Perfect!
BartolomeThreads: 2
Posts: 1,345
Joined: Sep 14, 06  Pictures: 3 ♂ 		Edited by: Bartolome  Jun 16, 11, 21:01    #30
Antek_Stalich:
Instead of "designate"? ;-)

Yup.
strzyga:
desing

I've got an advice for you: będ your ni-s while lifting.

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