Help me! I fell in love with a Polish man!

Rowan, you have already e-mailed him, so the ball is in his court. If he doesn't respond, then look at it as a night of passion with someone you were attracted to. As for being a "slut", you are only a slut if you think you are---it does not matter what others think, it's what you feel about yourself that is important. You are a grown woman and he's a grown man.
I met a Polish man last summer who pursued me to no end. When we first met, I really was not looking for a relationship but he was very persistant. Over time, I fell for him, but as soon as he went back to Poland, I never heard from him again. I cared for him and still do---I hope he's doing well, but when I think about the reality of a relationship with him, I realize that the age difference, cultural difference and geographical distance is too much (at least for me) to seriously consider a long-term relationship. I have no regrets about the time I spent with him and have nothing but pleasant memories, including photos and gifts from him, that will be with me for the rest of my life.
I hope all goes well for you, but if it doesn't, don't beat yourself up----you had a good time, right?

Disgrace

Thankyou Ranj. Yes i aggree that the ball is in his court and i am not going to make a fool of myself pursuing him. I am sorry that your guy disappeared without a trace. Men seem to be better at doing this than women. Are we just brought up with better manners? Or greater courage?? And, thankyou, i don't feel like a slut - although what i think about myself is not going to make him email me.
I will not ever get into bed with a man from a country where the sexual politics are stuck in the 1950's. It's like the sixties never happened over there, thanks to Comunism and the Pope.

So perhaps they can't help it.

But you don't watch a great film or eat a great meal and then run away screaming "Look what you made me do! I have no respect for you!!!"

Well, maybe right but is it wrong that sexual politics stuck in the 1950's?

http://www.urbandictionary.com said: slut - a woman with the morals of a man

If he thought after what you did: "Well, I have used her, good for me. I will never call her, for what? She's a slut."

And you thought: "I hope he will call me and things go further" and you didn't have sex just for pleasure and to use him, but thinking about something more and have feelings for him than you have not a morals of a man, so you are not a slut.

I know i am not a slut, some of you know i am not a slut but it is whether he knows this or not that is the question.

Basically, I fell in love and it looks like he didn't. So, that's it

My dog loves me and she doesn't care whether i am slut or not.


The sexual politics of the 1950's suited men better than women - this is why they had to change.

The problem looks like:

He would like to call and have a constant relationship with you, but on the other hand thinks: "If she went into bed with me on first meeting, she could do this with another guy" - So this is thinking affected that 60's never come to Poland and that Poland is CONSERVATIVE COUNTRY and sex so soon is just INADMISSIBILITY so that is what you are worried about, man from Poland can't have good opinion about woman from foreigner country that had sex with him so soon, and that is maybe a culture difference. The 2nd problem is that he can be in relationship here in Poland.

Are you serious? Is it okay if the man is 40 and the woman is 25?

I don't know how does it look in the Western Europe, but personally I like to put some energy in seducing a woman. The more effort I have to give the bigger reword and satisfaction I will get after completing my goal. Sure one night stands are fun, but the excitement very quickly vanishes, and there’s this feeling of emptiness after it. There’s just something missing. Situation looks totally different when there are all those love games involved. You know, those innocent looks, first chat, the art of conversation, compliments, flowers, messages hidden somewhere between the lines, the feeling of insecurity, getting to know each other, etc... I always were paying attention to the woman’s looks, but the thing that's really sexy for me was always personality. Is this what you meant by 1950's English sexual morality?

Still, I would be far from thinking that every woman that has sex on her first date is a slut. It can also be a very pleasant and metaphysical experience. Ok , I will stop here as I am starting to sound like a bloody Santana on LSD. My point is, that he doesn’t have to necessarily think about you as a “easy tart”. The thing that makes me think this way is what you have written in your first post, which other users and you as well seemed to overlooked, mainly that he visited you once more before he flew home. Not a very common thing to visit a slut for just a chat (I feel like rhyming ), thus in my opinion the cause why he still haven't contacted you is totally different. Maybe he is just trying to figure out what to do. It’s not an easy decision to engage in a relationship with a woman from a foreign country. At some point one of you will have to decide where will be your future home. Somebody will have to go for a compromise, and taking under consideration that's it is far more easier to start a new life in the UK that would probably mean leaving his family and friends. What nationality his children would be, how would you communicate with his parents, your future mother and father in law, etc... Woman tend to follow their feelings while men try rather act more reasonable. There are many possibilities. My advice for you is to wait a little more. If he doesn’t contact you, it means that he is a coward and not worth your time and nerves anyway. Wish you all the best.

Not Ok... age difference can be at the most 9 years...

Ofcourse... people do whatever they want...but we should try and have somekind of order.

Men are usually older in marriage. But it is good if the difference be at most 3/4 years.
Women if older... let it be again 3/4 years.

I am talking love, marriage and a lasting relationship here.

Ranj... I am curious about that Pic of yours in the display. Are you polish?...it looks like an exotic pair of eyes to me! (but very beautiful indeed!...if those are yourse...then you are quite amazing)

In what way a beautiful Polish woman is more beautiful than a beautiful English woman? It's sounds silly don't you think?

No this is not what i meant: a slow seduction or 'wooing' as we say in English, is always better than jumping straight to sex. By 1950's morality, i am refering to the idea that good girls become bad girls (and therefore worthless) by going to bed with a man too easilly and/or quickly. Whereas a man is not judged one way or the other for this.
In the case of what happened here, there was no time for wooing. And sometimes things simply happen and only afterwards you think to yourself - how on earth did that happen. Like fire.

I slept with a Polish guy, just a few hours after meeting him in a bar... and he barely spoke English either.. we are still together nearly 2 years later... although I have to admit that he did have a wife that he left for me. .. anyway, just wanted to share this with you..but all experiences are different. I would be surprised if he didnt have a wife or serious gf at the age of 31.. but maybe not.

LOL

why is that so funny? we were both looking for some fun.. just didnt know that we would end up falling in love.. it might not be a traditional approach, but you never know whats gonna happen.. thats all Im saying.

Well than you are right. This is very similar to the polish males mentality. When we want to engage in a serious relationship we prefer that women are not to easy to get. But than again, I don't think that we would call a woman that has sex with a man on the first date a slut. A slut is a woman that does it frequently with many men. At least that’s my and my friends opinion.

Everything would be alright, if he didn't left his wife...
Not picking on you or your partner, but I really HATE that kind of behaviour...
Does he have kids in Poland?

And what is the male equivalent?...or is he just a stud!!...who said it was an equal world!



There always seems to be fall out...but who knows..the relationship coulda been or the rocks for years...then an opportunity came along!

My advice is forget him, I met a guy out the other week, it just so happens he is Polish, very nice guy, met him last night for a drink, he seemed inteligent he's 29 and all grown up, how insulted was I when he basically said he was very honest and he came out with the hopes of sex, I wasn't happy told him that in England maybe some women didnt mind just shaggin anything that moved but I for one had some values, needless to say the date went down hill from there.

On a positive point he did open doors!!!!

No, they have no kids... and believe me I didnt know he was married at the time.. but sometimes things happen for a reason.. he clearly wouldnt have been with me had he been happily married.... and at least he had the guts to tell his wife and do the decent thing by leaving a loveless marriage.. I believe its a lot more common to leave your family in Poland and pursue another relationship in another country.. keeping them both on the go.. being fair to no-one.

If you are refering to my avatar, that is a standard one I found on this website. My actual picture is under my profile---as for my eyes being that exotic, I can't say that they are, although I've been told that I have beautiful eyes and smile!

The male equivalent would be "babiarz", "kobieciarz", "lowelas", which isn't a positive name, but at the same time it isn't as negative as "ladacznica" or "wywłoka" (eng. "slut").

Equal world? I agree that men and women should have the same rights when it comes to the law, the right to vote, equal state of wages for people that work on similar posts, etc...but we can not forget that men and women aren't the same.

If a guy doesn't have any problems that his girlfriend had sex with multiple partners every party, then I don't have any problems with it. It's not my business. But I wouldn't engage in a serious relationship with that kind of woman. Simple.

this is so true and thank god for that.....whilst I say each to their own...I dont think women should be acting like thirsty dogs..I know Im gonna get called a prude or whatever else but I dont care I think that one night stands are shallow and from what most of friends have said the sex is usually quite poor i.e, generally no orgasm...so whats the point!..you have to know someone to be truly intimate

rowan,

My opinion is that you're putting thoughts into his mind that probably aren't even there. Maybe he did fall in love with you. And what proof do you have that he thinks poorly of you? He spent two days with you. He wouldn't have done that if he didn't approve of you.

Didn't you say he has a wife and child that he is separated from? I think that explains why he hasn't returned your emails. Maybe he can't just leave everything to be with you. I'm sure having a child complicates things.

Shewolf, Yes i aggree that having a young child and probably loving his country stops him from seeking his fortune here like his cousin. I would hate to be reposible for upsetting a childhood, even one where the father already lives elsewhere.
I just wish he would let me know how he is and whether or not he feels the same.
I had cut any kind of love out of my life (except for love of my animals and plants) for so long and life was simpler. Then - BANG - i am hit by a Polish truck of a man and turned into jelly!!!!

Who are you talking to, Ary?

I love the way you said that. Do you mind if I borrow it?

Please go ahead Shewolf!!!

I felt the same way over the 25yr old polish lad that let me take those photos of him

Its quite a BANG aint it??? LMAO!

how is thing going on, roman?
I had the same experience with a polish guy last year. He was visiting his friends who are my neighbors in Germany. We slept together after one week. It is not that fast, but the problem is that I was in a strange relationship(sextual relationship) with one of his friends. I was in love with him in this week. He also likes me a lot, cuz i am a beautiful, intelligent, laborous and independent woman. He was 27 at that time, and i was 31.
He went back to Poland without leaving me any contact methods. But I got his email from his friends, and sent him an email saying hello. He answered me, but he didnt think anything serious. We met 3 times later, and I kept write him email with my poor english telling him I am in love with him with time. He is the one that i dreamed for from i was a little girl.
Now we are together, and I visited his family in poland last xmas. we are happy now although it is still a long way to go to live together.
What I want to tell you from my experience is: make your effort, offer your love, show the true you, explain the misuderstanding between you, and then you can get his love if he is a good man.
I love polish guys with traditional values.