is it that my love is worthless? (a sad heart)

hello everybody.
i am from a place called kashmir (its beside persia and afghanistan, north of india).
i fell in love with a polish girl. its been more than a year now. i would like to tell you the story:

i just wanted to learn the polish language, because i met in the net a very old woman whom i called my 'matka polka'. she was very kind to me, i also used to send her oriental songs and movies , she used to call me sonny! she was from krakow. in july 2005 she died, and that was the time i met this girl.

i was very sad (obviously), but found a friend in this girl (usually polish people are not on internet in major chatrooms, and i am not a regular chatroom visitor, because i remain busy in studies and business). i just and ONLY wanted to be her friend! and learn some language. because i was looking forward to come poland for my studies.

she was very kind to me, she was from a really small village in poland, even polish dont seem to know its name (its a place south west of lodz). in her emails, she was all over me (she wont be able to refuse it if she would be honest!). i always tried to keep it at friends. she even said that she made msn only because of me!

then we started chatting. i learned some polish. we shared pictures.

she was so much excited to see me, she was praising me, always showed every evidence that she wants more from me. i still was away.

i knew i am from the east, she is polish, maybe she will not appreciate me. i never loved anyone before. also, my country is very simple, mountians and suburbs, very different from west, and even most of east. we are known as tolerant, labourious and harmless people.

slowly, i started to feel for her, and i knew she also loves me, but somehow didnt confess that to her. i wanted to come poland first and see her, talk with her and then maybe tell her that 'yes, i love you too, will you marry me..' . but oneday she herself asked me to tell her how i really feel for her, because she is afraid that she is the only one! so, what could i do?...i told her that 'i love you' (Kocham cie). that day was very big for her, we talked for hours (tele).

she at first used to say that she didnt have faith in God. but i insisted that God is there between us, and He guided us towards each other. that my love and her love, after meeting our lord, united into one... and she even cried at that... she always emailed me, when i was not online... she couldnt take one minute without me!

outstanding, slowly she became a strict catholic christian! and said that it was me who got her into it :S... though i am not a christian (i am a Baha'i, bahai.org). i had no problem with her religion, i knew my parents dont have problem either (in my family itself, we have bahai+hindu, bahai+moslem and even bahai+christian). but she became so extreme christian!

she said she saw mary, felt jesus inside her, wanted to be a nun!!!!!!! i explained that it wont be possible, because i love her, and we would have to marry...how can she be nun!

she used to smile, and ask me to come soon. but you all understand dont you?, that crossing continents do take atleast a few more months! i am not superman . even her mother was disturbed by me, because her daughter is becoming religious all of a sudden, and there was me, a non-catholic! sometimes i felt that her mom almost considers me as a devil!

it had to happen, one fateful night, while talking with her, i realised she was not giving me time. all the time she is in church! going to church training etc (or whatever catholics call it). she was now wearing those round cloth around her head!! (in kashmir, even muslims dont wear that much hijab nowadays). i didnt know what to do!

i asked her, if she could bring her religious actitivities to more control... and decrease the volume abit! and that day was quarrel people...heartbreaking quarrel.

i have her emails, this is the girl who told me that 'no matter what happens, she will be with me'. i told her in the beginning, that my heart will not be able to take it if she leaves, and she promised that my heart is the place for her worship!...all those words? lies?

after that quarrel, i was angry (i am a human too). i asked her to block and delete me if she cant become normal, or aleast apologise for her sudden violent behaviour (which triggered the quarrel). she refused, and said that she is in tears and cant block r delete me. i also...ofcourse...asked her, pleaded her to get rid of me (i was in thorough pain). she finally did it.

now...i will be in poland soon. its been long since i got any msg from her. recently i tried to call her on birthday, she didnt pick it up. i sms'ed her, she replied in the same priest like manner!

TELL ME PEOPLE, I APPRECIATE YOUR CATHOLICISM, BUT ISNT GOING TO SUCH LEVELS EXTREME?
LOVE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE IS ALSO HOLY! HOW CAN YOU LOVE GOD AND LEAVE THE LOVE THAT HE GAVE YOU?

i wish i get some comments. i know my post is very long

in short: the girl i was in love (and it was her who shared that feeling with me first), suddenly is almost a priest now! in her rare sms's now, she gives me holy guidance! i have true love for her, why take me through all these tests :S

if you can, please read my post above. its a story of 1 year span between us. really really abridged. it was alot from her part for our love. but once i have loved her, i truly want to be with her for eternity. how can i explain but say: i truly love her.

i love her...

(her father and mother has crisis, they were/are never together...so is it some reason. we dont have divorces here in kashmir, no live together, so maybe i dont get it :S. here divorse percentage is perhaps 3%, i presume. dont worry, the place has high women empowerment)

p.s. i am coming this june 2007

There's an old saying that is someone cliche, but still holds true: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours. If not, then it was never meant to be.

I'm sorry for your heartbreak, but at least be grateful that she told you the truth. Good luck to you.

i told her that when i am in poland, i will sms her and ask if she want to meet me once atleast. in warsaw (not her village).

do u think i should do it?

how long can i knock on a door which is so odd, doesnt seem closed or open!

i have left my ego, i have tried everything, should this be my last try?...should i make this my last try? and if she dont come, do you think i should move away ?

Is It for real ?

yes, and i dont know where to end. so maybe, in warsaw? i can see if ends, or will she come.

if she dont, should i take it granted, that ~~~

Mate, you gave her the ability to become what she wants to be. If you love her, as you say you do. Be happy that you've been able to give her what she really wants and leave her to live the life that she has chosen.

If she wants to, she'll contact you, i'm sure.

Sad story really. I think you should give that meeting in Warsaw the last meeting.

I have always thought this nun-izm to be something WRONG. Yep....and me a Polish from Poland!

You went for the religion thing, and look at what you have done! Now dance on your roof! enjoy!...cha cha cha

If you wanted her to come into realization of God and soul, then you could do it after you have married her, or made her your own. I just fail to understand that WHY did you explain her all those spiritualistic things so early?

And no one should have any mercy or sympathy for your so called 'true love'! Atleast I dont.

Now think of life ahead. You got nothing else to do.

Good luck

my heart is too a home of God. how can she break it?
all her promises. i have believed her. herself. she! why? i just wanted her to have more patience and confidence in heart. her heart to be strong. her family problem or any problem not to effect her. i wanted her to be happy. i want her to be happy.
if i find she is nun, i will ask her question. even if peple kill me. and if she deny me. it will be ~~ why ??
ok. i dont know if its my fault. but i thank all the replys.

my heart was ever a highway.

She isn't. You just are expecting that she'd be grateful to you for what you've done and now she's gone off and done what she wants, you're saying I love you, how can you do this blah blah, becuase you wanted something in return and now you feel cheated.

As someone once said to me, and changed my life forever. "You love me? Well, that's YOUR problem isn't it!"

It's not her fault that you love her. (I seriously doubt that btw)
All i'm seeing here is a case of a man who thought he was in line for a result, has shot himself in the foot introducing her to god, love and spirituality. Realises he's made a boo boo and is transfering his feelings of anger onto the other person.



YOUR WORDS

She is happy, in the house of god. So, if she's happy and you want her to be happy, what's your problem?

are you out of your mind? did you read my first post (where it is in detail). you are out of your mind actually.


anger? you know the difference between anger and melancholyness?


that is not happy. it is called extremism.

anyway. i got my answer. i am not to expect frm any human or soul. only God. if i am honest, God will help me. if i am not, then God will do what He want.

about her. and the words. you dont know, so dont imagine. you have a preconceived notion. you did not bother to read my post properly even.

You brought your personal life here! That I see as your fault. Why are you doing mistake after mistake?

Do you not know already that no one accept you can help yourself best? How long does it take for someone to realise that?

Huegel seems to be enjoying his time in the forum. He will not care for your heart and soul and etc. He can crush it any time. So why are you upset with his comment? Did you expect saints and angels here when you appeared with you issue?

All kinds of people, with all kinds of thought live here ... and you haven't seen anything yet ... NOTHING AT ALL ... there are more dangerous things present .

You come Poland buddy. Take this as a reality lesson, and DONT involve any human into this. Yep...God is a good option, and all the info between you and her, if you remember, will help. Explaination to her will help. Maybe she thinks you will never come! Maybe after you come, she will be with you! Think positive.

See what life can give till the end. Dont come to conclusions.

As you say, it was her also who took many steps towards your love. And all that you have written, does seem like she still loves you (or why would she sometimes sms?..with blessings ofcourse).

Be brave... and scrammmmmmmmm as fast as you can for your own good ...its not the place for the already HEART BROKEN...

Good luck again... and be more strong....take your own decisions!

gosh Hueg... that's a bit harsh...



mate... all goodness etc... but if you come on here and bare your soul in public... hoping for advice and response... dont be upset when people tell you something you dont want to hear... youre a guest... you havent even registered... behave like one...

[

BW .... did you consider to be nice host in that case? hmmm ?

quote=plzreplyme] See what life can give till the end. Dont come to conclusions. [/quote]

thats difficult to learn .... LS but indeed wise and useful

Who gives a damn about it, he met on line she blew him out....end of really... I seriously doubt she even wants to be a nun, I think thats an excuse she probably met a nice Polish guy and is going to marry him!!!

And his command of english is very good since he lives in some little mountain village in Afganistan...so I think he's full of sh$t

The way towards decency and civilized behaviour opens from the door of heart, respect, and reason.

When we do not understand something, or are not sure, then we should not just go ahead and do the first thing that comes to our mind. We should instead not bother at all, or learn about the matter more closely.

English is nowadays very much practiced. I am not an English myself, but I think my command in English is not all that bad either.

You should meditate, relax, and think positive. Whatever you have gone through in your past, present or whatever you see in your future, should make you stronger and more matured. Not weaker and too violent.

You attitude towards humans shows your level of understanding, and coping with the modern world. Modernity does not come with dresses and methods of relationships. It comes with intellect and wisdom.

If you can help someone, you can pray. If you cant pray, dont bother atleast (let alone the ailing, and not give them another blow... it may not give blessing, but will not make you the reason for a drop from the eye!).

...Best Wishes

sure do... im not polish... a guest in my house is not god... if he is rude to my people i show him the door...

Tell me about it. Opened my eyes though. After all, she was right in a way I loved her, no one says she had to love me back. Certainly gets you over any feelings you may have thought you had, if you follow my drift.

thats exactly the drift i was following...

If people come on here bleeting on about how hard done to they are.....do you really think Im going to give them sympathy.

I do think positive thanks very much and I consider myself to be a very strong person, maybe thats why I dont tolerate others who come on here looking for tea and sympathy....he needs to get over it and move on...simple really!

wasnt Amathyst that said this to you by any chance. was it..?

I said the same to him. But for a different reason.

It is Polish Forums. A place where no tea is available, and also, it is nobodies home. Its an internet forum available to all. Let us understand that first.

So he made a mistake, took out his load in here! These Love matters are too much tender and complex. Only the couple involved should be able to understand whats going on.

Strong people are tolerant.



yes

i think thats the point mate... why air your dirty laundry in public... ?

Not to people who tell the whole world about their failing love lives, its private and personal and like you said should be kept between those involved and some random strangers...

Because it's an anonymous forum and he won't have to risk hearing the same things from people that know him. If he doesn't like what he reads here, he can just write it off as a bunch of nobodies that don't truly understand his situation. To actually talk to a friend who knows him, he risks being told the same thing and then having to accept some responsibility for any future actions he might take. This way he can do what he wants without regards to anyone else (the girl he supposedly loves.)

It's great that you learned from that, Huegel. When people learn not to hold expectations of others, they will be a lot happier.

ok... but he didnt... did he...

We don't know that for sure, but it sounds to me like he's going to do what HE wants, and to heck with what anyone on here has to say!


I think I agree with Amathyst on that one!

he came in, bared his soul to the forum... asked what we thought... fair enough... i wouldnt do it but if he wants to then fair play to him...

...but when hueg told him what he thought... gave his opinion... the guy didnt like it and asked hueg if he was out of his mind...

... if someone asks me for my opinion... and i give it... and they then tell me im mad... dont respect what i have given freely when requested... then fek em... theres not of respect coming from my direction... cheeky...

whatever...