Maintenance for child born between Irish/Polish parents.

He still has to pay up. No matter which country he's in and no matter whether he claims to have a job or not. But please: get a lawyer. And stop speaking to that arssehole, nothing good will come from doing that.

I say forget the guy and do the best you can. If you go after the support, his family might convince him to get visitation, get involved in the child's life and you'll have more headaches than the money is worth.

I have answered the phone but I flat out refused to help him. His paperwork is not my responsibility. Im sure he can find some other idiot to help him. The strange thing is, that he has no friends. He has burnt every bridge with a lot of people because of his attitude.

Did I mention that he is never wrong? And it is always someone elses fault when f**ks up. That giving apologies is a no no for him.


He knows every word to cut me when he wants (Verbally abuse any mothers child and its going to get a reaction, he knows that that is how to get to me) but as you pointed out, his english is not good enough to fill in forms.


Trust me, I have no pity for him. Im so happy that he is out of my life. The egg shells under my feet suddenly disappeared. And I have started to enjoy life again. But I do not think that he should not have to support his baby.


I would never stop him seeing his son whether he paid child support or not. But I am certain that visitation/custody is not going to be an issue. Our son is 9 months old and he has never given a feed, never changed a nappy and never spent more than 20 minutes alone with his son (his choice, not mine). That is not going to change now that we are seperated.

Inka - I sincerely sympathize with your plight and hope for the very best for you and your baby and yes, for the baby's father too (for him to realize how wrong he is). He seems to be a total jerk and I'm sorry it took this long to realize it.

However, your postings are very quickly turning from someone who's asking for advice to someone who hates. Remember that hate eats people from inside out. So do what you can to get the money your child needs but stop yourself when your angers is spilling over, it will change you as a person and yes, your child will notice that too. Just my take on it and again I truly hope you will get all the advice and help you can get, just try to keep your emotions out of it (I know it's very hard) because he simply isn't worth you and your child deserves so much more.

Thank you Skysoulmate. I dont hate him. And I dont mean for my postings to seem that way. I was simply replying to responses that I got here.

I have no emotions towards him other than pure disappointment and sadness that he has chosen to take the path that he has (and taking that path 9 months after his son was born shows exactly how cold his heart is)

I am still looking for advice on the subject and I appreciate every response, The positive and negative ones.
I do intend seeking legal advice on the matter. And will take the advice and course that my council gives me.
In the meantime, I am enjoying my life, enjoying my son. And you are right, my son deserves so much better. He is a little miracle and has brought me so much joy. So you will understand that it amazes me that his father does not see him in the same light as I do. (probably not uncommon but very strange to me)

Thank you again for your response.

Based on your first post I knew you had it in you. Yeah focus on getting the child support, (ok child maintenance for you anglophiles :) and put him in your past, that's where he belongs, every time you think of him he's stealing your time from you. He's shortchanging you and his kid but one day he'll realize he shortchanged himself the very most. A sad excuse for a man.

Under Irish law a father has to go to court just to get visitation rights. The mother has all the power. Fathers never get custody. It is very unfair (except in this case).

Inka: Change your number, get a barring order on this clown and have you solicitor inform him that he is never to contact you again. Go to court and get a judge to make a maintenance judgment against him, it is enforceable anywhere in the EU. If he quits his job he is the only one that will suffer.

He is not the only one, here in Poland its a normal reaction, everyone else is to blame. I cannot believe how hard it is for a Polish person to say sorry!!!!, its always excuses.

Polish men are very much like that, they can't even take man jokes lol (i'm happy to say sorry - if i'm wrong ;-D)

I have never stopped him seeing his son. I try to encourage him to see him. But he has no interest.
I had our son christened recently, he was refusing up until the day of the christening to attend. That was the second time he had seen our son since our split. The 3rd time he saw him was the next day when he arrived at my house, spent 5 mins with his son and then tucked into the beer that was left over. After a few cans he started to verbally abuse me and He left when the beer was gone.

Since that day I have stopped answering his calls.

I believe that my only option now is to let the courts decide whats best as I do not have the emotional or mental strength to deal with him anymore. I have no interest in listening to his rantings and even if I did, they would make no sense to me as I do not think that he is thinking in the best interest of our son. Just his own best interest.

Thank you everyone for all your advice and views. Please continue to give me advice as all of it has been of great use to me so far.

Good move, now get on the phone to the CSA (Im assuming they have that in Ireland?) and start the ball rolling...You have been reasonable, in fact I'd say too bloody reasonable (he's a low life!), now its time to take some action and make him realise that there are consequencies for his actions - if he does dissapear to back to Poland, remember you have been told that any court actions pertaining to him owning your child money will follow him there - he can run but he cant hide :D

One more bit of advice, find a nice Irish man...They're better looking (IMO) and know the craic!

If he goes back to Poland, at the most he will have to pay a percentage of his income,so he may only have to pay about 30 euro a week max. If he pays rent and is on a typical crap Polish wage, he will not be even worth chasing for the money, it would be buttons in Ireland.

He's paying fek all at the moment so its more than the baby gets now..besides, I dont think you're getting the point milky, its not really about the money, its about him being responsible and acknowledging his son.

Maintenance for child born between irish/polish parents.
This is what the heading says. So money is the issue,this guy has and is a runner.
At the most he will be means tested and forced to pay what he can afford. Which would be buttons and not worth a sh1t in Ireland. Maybe it would pay for 3 days nappies. Sorry for sounding grim but i have a point. I think you know well what i mean

You are right Milky, you do have a very valid point and I know how bad the pay is in Poland. And yes the issue is maintenance. The reason that I asked the question in the first place was because he flat out told me to take him to court for it, (even though I never asked him for anything). He told me that he would run and hide (impossible, I know). He also told me that he would give up working to get out of paying it (a crazy statement if ever there was one). I am not trying to milk him of every penny but his attitude is such that I am incensed enough to take him to court for maintenance.

As for whether he could afford to pay, I know full well that he can. He owns 2 homes in Poland which he rents out, has a very good, well paid Job here in Ireland (which I got for him through a close friend) and if he moves back to Poland he has very good job prospects with one of his friends there.

He is just a man who believes that since I was the one to give birth to our baby then it is my full responsibility to provide for our baby. He is also a man who believes that I am stupid enough to believe everything he tells me without checking the facts for myself.

His attitude is one of bullying. He doesnt want to part with money but in saying that, I do not want his money if he will be a responsible parent to our son. Play a part in his upbringing. Share the responsibility. (even joint custody is an option if he so wishes, I would never stop him from seeing and spending time with his son). However he also does not want to share his time.

Please do not get me wrong. I am not angry or being vindictive in this matter. It is purely just a case of me being dumbfounded that he can reject his son so quickly and easily. And that I believe that he should help with the upbringing of his son without question.

Am I wrong to think that?

Dont be, it happens all the time.
I think there are new EU laws coming in or already in, that help people with your situation. I heard about it on the radio a couple of months back.

Even a good job in Poland can be sh1t pay so you may get very very little, but if he has 2 houses in his own name you may be on to something.

BTW He sounds like a b0lox.

I dont want his houses. I just want him to grow up and be responsible. Share the responsibility. I dont think that will ever happen though. At least not willingly.

sad story. im sorry that youve ever met this worthless polish cvnt. i believe your kid will give you lots of happiness and love.

Not too sad of a story McCoy. Im not sorry I met him. I got a Beautiful son out of our relationship. The only good thing to come out of it all. And he is already bringing me lots of happiness and love.

Inka-
Don't waste another breath or a minute of your time on this sub-human excuse for a man.
He is not a man - you were his plaything and now he doesn't want to take any responsibility.
He is not simply worth it. MOVE ON.

If you take him to court for maintenance payments, he will have rights to your son. Remember he wanted the child ABORTED. Think what kind of low-life this sad excuse for a man is.

Bring the child up by yourself.

If you allow this missing-link sub-human to infest your life again, you will be worse off.
Men like that should have their ba..s cut off so he never does it to another girl.
Don't beg him for anything - he had his choice. He will want to know his son one day - but show him the door.

Tell your son (when he is old enough) that his real Dad wanted him aborted.

Men like that give the ones who are decent a bad name. What a sad reflection on today's society - Lots of pleasure - but ZERO responsibility. Sad, but true.

there must have been something between the OP and this man. Just continue the dialogue through a lawyer.


before conception this may have worked both ways


taking him to court is on behalf of the child. one has to pay to live in this world and the child has no means of income.

he may have a change of opinion and come to love his child, but it is the child who will decide if he (the father) should be included in his (the child's) life


if he is interested and keeps to an arrangement then things may be to the child's benefit.
if he doesn't show up the child will have at least 90% of the story.


there is no need to do this. we have no idea what the future holds and putting this barrier in the way will not help.

every thing is about the welfare and upbringing of the child. the parent's problems should be kept apart from this.

making this guy out to be an evil bastard is not going to help anybody involved. sensible dialogue about raising a child and responsibility are the way forward. but do it through a lawyer and the court system. that way the mother should get some peace of mind. And the child needs the door open in case he ever wants to meet his father.

Oh I would never ever tell my son that. And I would kill his father if he ever told him that.
I dont want my son to be bitter towards his father. Whatever problems that we need to deal with as his parents I would like my son to have a healthy and happy relationship with his father. That has nothing to do with maintenance as my son is not pay per view.

Few contradicting things I believe:
1. insisting that he pays will not make his relationship with his child better. From what you write about the guy, worse, more likely. There will probably be times when you'll have to re-inforce the order, and the child will be reminded that the father was forced into 'caring'.

2. insisting that he pays is really your duty, even I you just put that money in the bank for the child's future use. I hate that one, but it's true.

3. insisting that he pays will prolong the torture of putting up with the jerk. But, I'm not sure what to think of the fact that he thinks you can help him with some papers. It looks like you didn't make it clear enough that if he does not help you with the child, he has no right to ask you for anything. Promoting a happy and healthy relationship with his father does not mean he can waltz in and out of your flat. Next time he comes, phone for a friend, neighbor or a family member to come over.

I read on a forum some kind of similar story. Basically the story went like this:-
Irish lad dating polish girl for 6 months, she got pregnant, had the baby and returned to poland without him know she returned for good, then suddenly when the baby was born he had the solicitors in Poland on him demanding 300 per month maintenence.

Basically you can get maintenance off him but you need to get a solicitor who knows polish law, you can google some polish solicitors on good 'notariusz w irlandii' or something like that.

Hope that helps.

Soory to hear what has happened but just to let you know Polish guy has done same to me! todl me he would disappear if i go to court he is in U.k and at first he promised to support me ! Its not just about he money ! I still can't understand how a father can walk out on a child without sseing them ,supporting them emotionally and finacially .I've really taken as a fool by this guy .He is also using same storey about not paying if i take him to court saying i am using my daughter seriously they should of kept the Berlin Wall UP. then i never would of meet the Polish rat. Anyway just to let you know your not alone i've been had by a Polish guy! Im going to solicitor as a matter of principle .sorry for my rant. take care and good luck. just go through courts don't communicate with him. and know your rights.

I am Polish...had child with Irish guy living in UK. My ex walk away when I was pregnant, but I have invited him for every scan and baby birth and christening... which he did not turned up...we lost contact when my daughter was 3 months old...now almost 6 years after out of blue he is coming to claim his parental responsibilities... My child met him few times now and she dose not like him...she only wants him to buy her presents(to little to understand) after that long time he wants to take her without me...and she dose not want to . He dose not understand this and taking me to court for DNA and parental responsibilities ... I ask him to wait when she gets bigger so she can decided better if she wants him in the life or not he said that I am manipulative and I am her mother not her friend and she should not tell me what is right for her...I love my little one and her opinion is very important to me ,if she dose not like something how can I push her...

I want to know if the court will give him parental responsibilities after such a long time???

Dont know Uk law but american courts will certainly give him visitation rights at least,and or vacation rights and the child not to be taken out of state borders until 18 without blinking.Just to add on you have the right to ask for child support money also.

are you still in the UK?
If so I doubt it, he walked away and was not there to put his name on the birth cert and so could only obtain PR through a court order. AFAIK.

However you should get yourself a solicitor.
For advice perhaps try a parenting website such as mumsnet or netmums.

I would imagine that the court would want to know why he has waited 6 years to come forward and push for parental responsibility. I'm sure this would be taken into account.

You may well end up needing a solicitor, but I would contact the Citizens Advice Bureau first. They give telephone advice if you don't have a branch locally. I've used them before on a couple of legal matters and they were brilliant.

citizensadvice.org.uk

Don't forget that if he is given parental responsibility, he should also have to pay support for his child.

Any updates on this situation here? I am in reverse of this situation so I like to know very much.