Rejected - Rafal thought I was ugly?

I knew this guy named Rafał when I was living in London. The first time that I spoke to him, he introduced himself and was friendly and polite. Another time, he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him. I hesitated because I had just started dating my (ex) boyfriend, £ukasz. Another time, I ran into Rafał and a mutual friend and asked them if they were going to Ladbroke Grove. After that sometimes £ukasz and I ran into him and they had a quick conversation but we didn't talk. I felt kind of awkward because he may have been asking me out about the movie (though it would have been a group thing) and I assumed he felt the same way or felt like he shouldn't talk to his friend's girlfriend.

I had been thinking about Rafał since leaving England in April 2012 and finally decided to contact him. I got in touch with someone, Bruce, to ask about him, and he contacted me saying he had run into Rafał, so I spoke to Rafał on Bruce's phone. He said he didn't have a phone but that he would make an e-mail address and give it to Bruce the following day. In fact Bruce told me that he had given Rafał my e-mail as well.

However Bruce has not heard from Rafał although Rafał knows where to find him (and not vice versa). I feel like he lied about having a phone (it's true he did not have a phone when I was in the UK, but he was working sometimes in the last year, so you'd think his boss - construction - would call him sometimes) and e-mail in order to avoid talking to me. When Bruce ran into him, he was looking for work. It's possible he did not find work yet and was drinking with friends or got arrested after drinking and committing some crimes, but it would seem that his mentality is different now that he's looking for work, which would suggest that he no longer drinks as much and gets into trouble.

I feel like maybe Rafał thought I was ugly and am hoping for some thoughts....thanks in advance :)

besides the ones you mentioned, here are some other possibilities:
* he's trying to get his sh!t together and will call you when he gets a phone
* he's trying to get his sh!t together and will not call you when he gets a phone
* he's a worthless bum that says whatever comes easy
* He forgot or has more pressing issues

Thank you, sigh, I thought Rafał was a polite, respectful, kind, thoughtful, modest, and down-to-earth guy. I feel like such an ugly loser now.

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  Rafal's photo
  

In that photo he's dressed like a chav! Not a good sign - if his taste in clothes is as bad as his taste in anything else it isn't good news.

Perhaps he's dating someone already, and/or perhaps ladies are not his thing.

What's a chav? Rafał was homeless at the time so he wore free clothing. He is a very modest and humble guy who does not mind not wearing the most up-to-date things. He is not prideful at all. I know he is not dating someone because he is looking for a job and most women that I know do not like to date a man who does not make at least as much money as them. Also, he has a long arrest record and most women do not like that as well.

Someone who wears sports clothes when they aren't playing sports. Think Victoria Beckham with less money and more kilos.


You don't say how old you are but you may remember a popular song called something like "Ain't nuthin' goin' on but the rent".


Some of the best men do, but yes, some of the shallower among us may find it off-putting (though you don't say what for).

On the face of it:

* He's been homeless and wears free clothes
* He has a long arrest record
* He has (or has recently had) issues with drink and what you call 'trouble'
+ He seems to be avoiding you.

None of those are a green light.

Ah thank you for explaining. Rafał is usually arrested for being drunk and disorderly or for getting into fights. I see what you are saying. I have been arrested twice myself. I stabbed one of my ex-boyfriends, who was also named Rafał. The thing about Rafał (not my ex-boyfriend) is that despite his issues, he has a beautiful soul. Rafał introduced himself to me one day and that was very nice and friendly of him. Also, he did not talk to me in a disrespectful manner. He is kind to his friends and does not take himself too seriously. He is incredibly smart because he knows how to speak English. I would absolutely love to sit with Rafał in the park or eat lunch/dinner with him. I wrote him a very beautiful letter but of course he never received the letter since he didn't want to talk to me. Here is the letter:

Ja pamiętam, kiedy poznałam cię po raz pierwszy. Staliśmy w kolejce na Cobbold Road. Ty byłeś przede mną. Ty pytałeś o mnie. Byłam nieśmiała, ale pomyślałam, "Ojej, on jest grzeczny i życzliwy." Jesteś niezapomniany.

Potem ty zapytałeś mnie, czy chciałam iść do kina z tobą. Ale £ukasz czekał na mnie.

Ty często byłeś w niebieskiej kurtce i byłeś wysoki. Czasami też miałeś czapkę. Zauważyłam, że ty raz zgoliłeś owłosienie z głowy.

W jakąś sobotę my byliśmy wszyscy na Ladbroke Grove. Ty i brat Bartka zostaliście zaaresztowane, bo zakonnicy rozgniewały się na was. Jesteś śmieszny!

Też pamiętam, że ty, £ukasz, i ja spacerowaliśmy na Hammersmith Road, bo wy chcieliście ukraść derkę od hotelu.
Raz ty i brat Bartka spacerowaliście na Uxbridge Road. Zapytałam, czy pójdziecie do Ladbroke Grove.

Zobaczyłam cię i innych przyjaciól, których kocham, na wideo. Ucieszyłam się ogromnie was zobaczyć - jestem pewna, że jesteś bardzo pięknym człowiekiem, chociaż nie znałam cię dobrze i często przypomniłam sobie o tobą, żałując, że nie rozmawialiśmy bardziej.

How old are you, uglywoman?

25, and you, love?

you sound much younger...
Why do you think you are ugly? Have people called you that?
You also make a lot of simple grammatical errors. I'm beginning to wonder if this is not an exercise in your Polish language profficiency.

Well I just feel really upset that Rafał rejected me and I feel like it's because of my looks because he had 1.5 weeks to get back to me with his e-mail address. I feel like he had a phone but he just didn't want to talk to me. Being ugly sucks so bad.

@ the OP, I'm not quite sure where to start regarding this man, except perhaps to say that he does not come across as the best partner material, so don't worry about what happened.

As for being ugly, I'm sure you're not, but if you want reassurance why not post your photo here?

Thanks English, I am nervous to post my photo here because I know you guys will laugh at me but here you go :'(

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why miss uglywoman you are beautiful!

You've got to be kidding me. Thanks for trying to make me feel better though. *hugs*

Indeedy doody

Are you totally sure this Rafał is one for the ladies?

I don't think he is gay because he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him back in the day. (Maybe he thought I am pretty then because he was drunk.) It was a group activity, but I thought maybe he fancies me then *.*

Actually when I spoke to Rafał on the phone, I explained that I had been looking for him and thinking about him, and he asked me if I want to know about £ukasz, but I said no, I want to talk to you. So in fact I was talking in a platonic way.

Ugly woman, you need a new username. You're not ugly, you're beautiful. You had the misfortune to encounter a strange man who does not seem to know what he wants. Plenty of other men would consider themselves honoured to be dating you.

You're very kind English. Thank you so much for your words but at the moment I cannot believe that I am not ugly :/

whoa.....

Being ugly sucks so bad :/

oh, enough already. "I'm so ugly" routine only works on very few, to most people it's annoying.
Maybe that's why Rafal didn't call.
Try something else.
No weapons though.

@ f stop, I agree - no amount of beauty can compensate for the risk of getting stabbed...

getting annoying and probably selling the guy short. How about, are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative?

Her blog looks pretty good if you like make-up. Strange she thinks she's ugly but is really into beauty products etc - it would be a shame if she's judging herself against supermodels etc who are often more photogenic than pretty. Plus airbrushed to hide the bad skin from starving themselves.

The OP answers this in her only other post, I Quote

"The other day when I was applying a Dior foundation that I had just purchased, I realised that the colour was too light for me. I had asked the sales associate to get the right colour for my skin.

Therefore, I went to the mall today and asked if I can exchange it and gave her my receipt. However, she said that I cannot exchange it since it was already open.

I was annoyed about it because the salesperson made a mistake about the colour. In fact, when I lived in England, once I bought a blusher from Dior and later realised that it was too light. I had been using it for 2 weeks but I brought it back to the store and the salesperson immediately exchanged it and he was very polite about it as well.

So after asking to speak to the manager but she said no, I exchanged my foundation with one of the tester foundations in the display that was the right colour. It was pretty much full. No one saw me and the security guard certainly did not notice. I feel that I did nothing wrong because I paid for the foundation.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz.......................................................what? Oh wake me up when you find a knife so I can stab myself in the face......

HAHAHAHAHA! Please tell me that photo was meant to be a joke.

So you must be the sensitive poster....

I'm not sure what you mean but that dude looks goofy. The woman posting here is far too attractive for him.

F*ck, I thought you were being sarcastic, which makes me the as5hole... and you must be American. <sigh> I'm going to crawl back under my stone now....