Love message

Can you translate the following message for me?

From all the eternal loves promised by me, yours would be the only one fulfilled precisely. But that dream of ours, even not being yours anymore, didn't die.

Czy jest ktoś w stanie pomóc mi? :)

Ze wszystkich wiecznych miłości jakie kiedykolwiek przyrzekałem, jedynie ta byłaby spełniona naprawdę. Ale to nasze marzenie, nawet jeśli już nie jest twoim, jeszcze nie umarło.

And another version, it is more faithful to the original but sounds a bit strange:

Ze wszystkich wiecznych miłości jakie kiedykolwiek przyrzekałem, jedynie twoja byłaby spełniona naprawdę. Ale to nasze marzenie, nawet jeśli już nie jest twoim, nie umarło.

Why strange? Suggesting that love is yours, one person`s only, instead of ours...

I have to say the original is a little awkward IMO. So I rewrote it and translated that :)

Of all the promises of eternal love I've made, the one made to you was the only one truly fulfilled. But that dream of ours, even if it's no longer yours, has not yet died.

my translation (not a native speaker of Polish, please be gentle)

Ze wszystkich obietnic wiecznej miłości jakie w życiu przyrzekałem, naprawdę spełniła się jedynie ta z tobą (ta dana tobie?). Ale nasze wówczas wspólne marzenie, którego już nie masz, jeszcze nie umarło.

Yes, I agree. :):)

But I was taught at translation classes that a translator is not supposed to rewrite, improve or correct the original. He/she must translate faithfully, and the only thing they can do is to put a seperate explanation in the footnote.

What do you think?

I think this isn't translation class : )

And if you ask people to translate for free then you takes what you gets.

But yeah, the code of ethics is not to 'improve' texts (even though problems in the original text that come out in translation are likely to be blamed on the translator).

I generally dislike footnotes in non-academic translations (as well as paranthetical explanations). There are other ways to get necessary clarifying information in.

And I was taught that before I choose a strategy, I should consider what kind of text it is and who is going to be the audience. Sometimes things should be improved. But I study literary translation ;-)

I don`t remember being taught about the audience, no wonder, my classes took place 20 years ago... We translated articles on most occasions.

But what you say is quite reasonable. :)

And i was taught.. * Beggers cant be choosers *
You asked for help. Pls dont bite the hand thats attempting to feed you.

Most translators here do it happily. And freely.
If your not sure.. You can allways wait for an alternative translation.. )))