Need help in understanding a woman

Hi friends, I had been following this forum for quite sometime and finally decided to seek help from you all. Neither I nor the girl I am talking about is polish. But I think race doesn’t matter much when it comes to feelings. And I really want to know what a girl should feel in this situation. Here is goes –
I am an Asian working in a major IT company in London. Few months back I met a girl who is a friend of my housemate. I liked her the very first time I saw her. And we started partying at home and in clubs along with other friends. Once she invited me in the hotel where she was stating with her foreign friends overnight. But I didn’t go.( I am very uncomfortable with a group of girls). One day I asked for her number and she gave. But she also told her friend that I have taken her number. I didn’t realise that it’s so important to exchange numbers. Actually I saw her only as a friend and casually asked for it. Anyway, I never called her.
After a few months her friend texted me saying that she wants to knock my door and I accepted. We slept as u might have already guessed. We continued till 8 in the morning. Then she went to her friend’s room and never came back to my room. Once she left I had a chat with her friend and she said that she doesn’t want to date me. I said ‘its ok’ as I don’t want to date her either because I would be leaving soon. She texted me saying that she is in a bit of strange position at the moment and don’t want to deal with any emotions. She also mentioned that she enjoyed my company. So I decided to give her some time to settle down. I know it’s a bit hard for her as she recently broke up with his boyfriend. We exchanged some casual text for the next 2 weeks. Then she texted me saying that it’s not a good idea to continue this because I would be leaving soon. It was a shock for me. As far as I know she already knew that I wud be leaving soon (in next 2 months). Then what was the point in sleeping with me? At first I thought it was a kind of one night stand for her. But she is not that kind of girl either. She was in a relationship for 7 years and broke up 6 months back. And she didn’t sleep with anyone else. But I still kept texting her to make her comfortable. But she said she is bit embarrassed about the whole situation and wants to keep it in the past. She was feeling bit of pressure and was bit defensive – that’s what she said.
Now I am really confused. Do you think she likes me but just don’t want to fall in love because she will be heart broken once I leave? Or she is just not interested in me anymore? I don’t know where did I go wrong. She is ignoring me as if I don’t have any existence. She doesn’t give me a chance to talk. But at the same time she also knows what I do during the weekend like where I go etc etc. Hope I could explain my situation in a nut shell.

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What do you think about her feelings?

Thanks for reading. Hoping for your valuable comments and suggestions on how should I take this.

It's hard to understand women - I have no idea what she might think..

Well I do not think there is a man alive who understands women it is all in their hormones. I doubt she saw you as a one night stand. However it maybe because as she says you are leaving and sees little point in starting a relationship with you. And I can see her point of view.

TomBoy,

Jeez! She invited you to her notel and you didn't go. Then you took her number and didn't call her. Then you had a one-night stand which the friend had to initiate. Then you said you didn't want to date her cause you had to leave.

You approached the relationship right from the start with a casual, half-assed attitude, and wonder why this girl doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

Where were the roses? The chocolates? The passion?

Personally I hate it when men don't at least *begin* the relationship with some romance. My current boyfriend got me to do all kinds of naughty things, simply because when we first met, he actually MOANED when he kissed me, and seemed totally on fire for me. And he still does :)

I think most girls appreciate a man who seems really into them. It gives the relationship a certain ooomph. Even if we're putting you off when you're making the moves, we are still flattered that you're chasing us, if we like you.

I don't think there's a woman alive who understands men and all their raging testosterones!!! All these wars and fights, and hunting and shooting. Why? Isn't it better to sit home and nurse a baby, sucking on your boobie? geez, men. Never understand them.

I agree with Lucynda, and i don't really understand why, after all you told her, you are confused....
Your behavior and understanding of the situation confuse me.... what do you really want from that girl??

Yeah...I'm wondering that too. I think both are sending mixed messages..

Becase men have no boobies good enough to be sucked by babies?

Hehe check 1 minute into the vid.... :P

wow ... gr8 to see some responses .....
I am kind of hopeless u know ... I am not sure what I want from this girl ... I agree that there is little point in getting into relationship when I am leaving soon ... But I could extend my stay here if the situation was positive and I was certain that she loves me.
Do u think she loves me? I know its hard for some one to tell after reading a short story. When I didnt understand how will u. But as u guys are so experienced and mature I woud like to know what u think.

U r right ... its bit complicated and we are both sending mixed messages .... dont know how to break the ice

yes



possible..

I am actually confused reading your thread.. your asking us to evaluate her yet
none of us know what your feelings are.. so I am sure thats her problem as well..
if you dont open up more, how do you expect her to just throw her feelings on
the table when your not openly expressing yours? its basically a two way street.

dont expect much if you dont give much..

yep, no point to start anything if you'll leave soon...

did you talk about that with her?? did you ask her?

how should we know??

did you tell her about your feelings? do you love her?


I think that you should talk with each other more and spend less time in bed.... ;P

HELLO! Because of our 3rd eye

I think this girl has a boyfriend or someone else in her heart. You cannot hope to win such a girl by prolonging the confusion. You are going away and if you leave things as they are you may wonder "What if?" for a long time. Look, start by admitting your feelings. You really like this girl...always have. She doesn't know what to make of you, she has sent you plenty of signals that she likes you (more than you will need when you get a bit more experienced)...and she might have (foolishly) expected your sexual encounter to say the things you aren't saying (but which she wants to hear from you)..ie you are tongue-tied & awkward around her, following her lead & she may have slept with you to break you down/get you to open up? Tell her now..that you really like her, always have, tell her why you like her. You like her enough to extend your stay & see where it all goes. Be prepared to fall on your sword...she might have thought you'd have like'd a no-strings bit of fun..and backed off because you don't get it?? Either way you will only get the truth from her when you give her the truth from you. Good luck

Why was she feeling pressure and was defensive? Did you say something to her that made her feel that way?

Its too early to say that. But I have strong feelings for her.


We slept only once.


I haven't known her much to really fall in love . But I want to meet her more so that we understand each other before I can tell that I am really in love with her or not - its actually at a very early stage. I had spoken to her and tried expressing my feelings in indirect means. But she felt bit pressurised.
Best thing I have realised is to give up. But still somewhere at the corner of my heart I have feelings for her. And that is why I wan to know her feelings. But dont know how.

do as uncle superjay told you...

What did you mean by this? Is she watching you or asking people about you?

Superjay - U are so true. I think she is thinking exactly the same way. She had given me enough signals but I dint respond it right. I think I went wrong and she is absolutely right. But only thing that put me back at the first stage when she told her friend that she doesnt want to date me - and I stepped back. I thought she might be thinking of no-sting relationship. I didnt want to show my feelings so easily and put me down. But later I realised that she is not that kind of girl. And now things are quite messed up.
I should give up.

Never give up, it'll be stronger if you have to fight for it.

She really likes you thats why there was more than one signal. She definitely doesn't think you are a fool...so don't give yourself a hard time. Most women are far more intuitive than men, so she probably understands more of what you are feeling than you think. But, it's what you do that counts. You can walk away (give up) and you will be ok in time...or you can take a chance & tell this girl she is a bit special...which it sounds like she is??

yes indeed - to me she is very special.

that's more like it TomBoy1978!...she would write the same thing about u, i reckon. Why not explore this honestly! Remember a very special girl can take or leave male attention because there is usually more on the way...the difference is you ring some bells for her, you tick the right boxes...

You're so funny, superjay. It's usually not a good sign if a woman tells a man that she doesn't want to be his girlfriend right after she slept with him.

Seriously, it sounds to me like she has too many issues with the ex-boyfriend. She probably really loved him if they were together for 7 years and she isn't over him yet. I don't think it would have mattered what TomBoy1978 said or did. There's no way she's over her ex a few months later.

This is correct. i think this too. see my previous quote,

my point is he has to take MUCH more of a lead or else forget the whole thing! He is hearing anything important through her friends including

She is mixed up and has friends thinking for her, talking for her. Sooner or later she has to (and will) get over this ex-boyfriend when the right guy makes her forget about him. If TomBoy1978 tells her he could be this guy & she gets her friend to tell him she's not interested (LOL) then he can walk away with his head up..knowing its a case of right girl, wrong time.

shewolf - u are right .. she is still not over the past relationship yet ... read the story below
superjay - u r right to ... she is very much confused ...
Here is the story -
As per lot of our friends suggestion I confessed to her that I had always had a stong feeling for her. She said that she knows it and she never wanted me to get hurt becasuse she is not in a situation at the moment to get into any relationship. She appologised for all the mess up and also said she cares for me. She didnt want to hurt me. She also said that she is still in the process of unwinding her 7 years of bitter relationship. I think she loved her ex a lot but had to give up at then ... i know that story.
I am very happy today to know all these. I now know that she has got a very strong feeling for me too ....

We both are good but the timing wasnt right. My hard luck .... So I decided to give her time and see how things go. I dont have any choice. I am leaving soon.

Thanks to everyone who responded and read it .... U guys are gr8 !!!

tomboy, you got some.. be happy.. move on. :D

yes

yes

yes

oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh yes

yes

end of. hopefully you ain't too sore & won't spend another wasted moment wondering.... you tried and she ain't ready...remember...


i hope so

it's time to move on TomBoy1978...