That's not my dating style...

I have been in the US 5 years. I've dated a few Americans. Every relationship wasn't longer then 6 months; i have been only with my 1st American boyfriend for 3 years. I don't understand how it is, but all of those guys are like kids - they only want to have fun. And they are in their 30s and older. Beginnings with them were always great: romantic, dinners, movies, gentlemen... But after all, they just stop care about our relationship. They just want to eat and have sex and they forget about me. None of them want to build something serious.... I'm not a drama queen, i dont like fighting, im very laid back.... i understand that next friday he want to hang out with his buddies, playing video games, or go play golf all day... I dont have a problem with that. But when he knows that im ok with that, he goes more and more....and i dont matter anymore. It hurts.... I want to meet a guy and i want a long term relationships.... but i started giving up....
And why we have to talk about being "exclusive"? Being with somebody is exclusive enough for me. I dont look for anybody else to play. One guy at the time... I thing it's fair... But it was new for me when i got to the US. In Poland it's obvious that we date one guy, one girl. Besides cheaters....

Excuse my English....i didnt pay attention while writing....

Caluski!

Hi there,

Having read what your story i can sympathise with your position, i think it may be simply a case of, your grown up and the guys you have dated have not. They are not wrong and neither are you, people grow up with different values morals etc etc. Its just that yours are different from the guys that you have dated.

I'm guessing your thinking that your never going to find somebody and thats why you shared your story, however there is somebody out there for everyone, I'm glad your not giving up and that your continuing to look for a serious relationship. I too am pretty serious and am not one just for a 'quickie' or a relationship purely based on 'sex'. I have to tell you that its not just guys that are immature girls can be too :)

I hope you find what your looking for, i'm sure there is somebody out there who will care for you and give you all the attention and time that you need. It's just a matter of waiting for the right guy to come along. Relationships are like anything, you have to fail at them before you become successful at them, all these guys you have dated have told you things that you don't want in a man so that next time you can find and identify the right one.

Good luck

Tornado

Thanks Tornado... Your post makes me feel better... :)

Glad your feeling better, always happy to help :)

I'm a Polish-American man, 46. Here's my take on this: Be consistent. Don't give a man mixed signals. Communicate. Be polite, but clear on what you want. If he's a good guy, he'll treat you well consistently. If he doesn't, don't talk to him anymore.
Now, please know, that after a while, any man will want to get a little more physical. Then a little more. Men need that physical attention. Women like affection. It can work if you send out consistent signals. If he's a good guy, he'll pick up on the signals and behave politely. If you do mixed signals, he'll be confused. Then angry.
The right guy will treat you right.

You are just not meeting the right guys just now. Maybe you need to think about changing your social circle and the places you go to meet someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve. Don't give up.

Take heart... you will meet someone who will treat you with respect. I know exactly where you are having been there... just focus on yourself, do what makes you happy and don't worry about meeting someone. Then it's bound to happen, take care and have a hug!

PolishMan, what do you mean by mixed signals? Can you give us examples?

Yes, what does it mean "mixed signals"?
Those guys are all different, different backgrounds, age, countries...etc. I don't know what I do wrong. I like to express myself but I'm not a drama queen. I care about them. I respect their time with their friends. I try to make our dates interesting (movies, pool, games, parties, relax at home...etc.). I don't like to give up, so if something is going wrong, i try to fix it. I don't fight, if so, it has to be really serious.
I think, my signals say: long term relationship. If you are not up to it, sorry....i'm out.
At this time of my life i know what i want.
But those guys are self-centered. I loose their interest. And i don't think i am a boring person.

I dont know....


What mixed signals?

I don't think you need to worry, you've made yourself pretty clear in the last statement you made, about what you want etc etc. however i think your flapping a little, maybe some guys see this and think that for some reason its better not to get involved than get involved. Of course i'm not saying your a bad girlfriend or un attractive, what i mean is its your demeanor, who your come across to other people, what you show of yourself.

When you first meet somebody there is no need to say straight away i'm looking for a serious relationship, this will scare most men away, its a shame i know, but its a sure fact.

Feel confident in yourself, you should say, i'm a nice girl, i'm sexy, i have a good personality, i have a lot to offer to a guy, i can offer a good loving, caring fun relationship :) Keep it positive and you'll find the right guy.

No need to worry about mixed signals etc just be yourself and i'm sure you will strike gold :)

For me this was interesting, because I have the opposite experience. My partner is Polish and I am British, I find that he wants us to spend every day, hour, minute, second together and doesnt want me to go out with my friends and nor does he want to either. I found this incredibly strange at first and difficult to come to terms with.. even now it causes problems. I do still see my friends, but not nearly as much as I used to, which is tough on them, but I felt I had to make the choice if I wanted to stay with him. It seems to me that Polish couples do tend to spend more time together than perhaps other nationalities, although maybe its just an individual thing. I guess something inbetween in the two would be good.

yes, sometimes I think its the way they (american men) grew up, more important to be self-centered and only care about themselves. Many dont have the ability to care about someone else for more than a few weeks.
Dont give up, there are many guys out there who care about their spouse/girlfriend and have fun with them, and only them. Be strong and express yourself. Your to kind it seems, and your doing the right thing in caring for him and his needs. But your not getting care from him and its obvious its making you unhappy.
I was the same for years, worked hard for a better life for her. She complained we didn't have enough 'fun'. My only regret, I didn't get out of the relationship fast enough. When it works between 2 people, its magic. Never a doubt.

I can't agree more! I thought I had special relationships in the past that really meant something, and then I met my girlfriend. Wow! Almost instantly I had such a strong connection with her. It didn't take me long to be able to read her every mood, and know exactly how she thinks and feels. I have used the very same word "magic" so many times in talking with her about our relationship. It really is magical, and I have no doubt.

...how long do you know her?

I've known her for 5 months now. And I know to some it seems such a short time, and I used to be one of the biggest advocates for taking things slow and getting to really know each other. And then I met her, and I realized that when you know, you know.

absolutely...:)

What does this word mean?

Caluski - kisses

very true

That's great!!!

I think so too....

Sorry I didn't mean to come to your post about your relationships and talk about how happy I am with my relationship to rub it in your face or anything. I am sure if you keep trying, and you keep a positive attitude, that you will find the right man for you.

Don't worry about that! I didn't even think that way! I'm happy for you!!! :)

Hi polishgiltx,
Your post reminded me of something kind of funny. I was sitting next to a woman in family court and we had a really short conversation that went like this: I said, "Divorce," she said "Yep." "Let me guess, he's a child?", she answered "Yep." Seems like a universal problem. I know men with wives and children who still spend Saturdays playing video games. Age has nothing to do with maturity, but some of us are lucky, and do grow up. Just be picky.

I think there's nothing wrong with declaring that--it shouldn't scare a man who is also looking for a serious relationship. And, it might shake out the players.

true if you don't say something you may find out the players, but a lot of guys are scared to commit and scared of serious relationships :)

just great.....

;)

not trying to scare you but its a 'said' thing about men. Of course there are those who are not and they are looking for a serious relaitonship, however they have probably had their fair share of short term friendships :)

no worries....
i realize/know all you said...

it just came from a guy (you)-thats kind of scary....

why is it scary coming from a guy??

because there is no doubts anymore
:)
But it's all good.... it's a real world.... :)

i think it can depend on age, obviously when a guy is younger he isn't looking straight away for something deep and serious, that is usually, there are cases where guys do want a serious relationship early and theres nothing wrong with that.

It would be harder i think for a younger girl to find a serious partner than say somebody who was middle aged. My advice or views for girls would change depending on their age.