About Personal Problems.

I have been thinking for some time about how quallified we are when answering Personal Problems.

It seems to me that most of these are related to girlfriend/boyfriend relationships and in particular Polish-English relationships. Not Polish-Polish or English-English

Is it because some of us might have experienced something similar ? Is it because some of us might have friends who have similar problems ? Is it just common sense ?

Another problem I have is wondering why it is that the original poster gets all the sympathy when we haven't heard the other side of the story.

And why is the usual answer to these personal problems almost always: He's cheating on you, he's married, he already has a girlfriend. Surely there can't be, what seems, such a large number of people who are taken in this way.

I'd like to know why people cheat. What drives these people ? How can they be spotted before a romance begins.

I'd also like to know what posters think about giving the wrong advice, smart a$$ comments and how this might tip someone over the edge.

Does anyone wonder if some people have taken our advice and that advice has been wrong. And in fact a relationship might have been ruined because of one of our comments.

Hopefully, the answers to these questions will show that we do know what we are talking about and can be trusted.

English = English speaking.

I think that many of the problem are down to communication. I find it strange sometimes why people come here to discuss them, and not with their "other".



I doubt we will ever hear the other side of the story. Fireif is a good example of much what you have writte. But i don't think much, if not everything he says is the truth:/



I cheated once, after i found out my ex had been seeing another guy. It was with her best friend, and it was stupid of me. But i was young and i think that many mistakes in a past relationships can be learned from.



I wouldn't worry too much about that. Cos you know, people should really take control of their own lives, and though sometimes it's good to get advice from others who are stranger. Often it can lead to the person doing the wrong thing:(

I guess discussing problems on a forum lets the original poster see a few alternative angles.

In some cases, a poster might feel more able to open up on an anonynmous forum in a way that they can't to people friends or family in real life.

Do we if fact give enough alternative angles/answers ?

Leave him/her... seems to be the most common reply

Its probably down to culture differences, Whats acceptable behavior in one country might not be seen as acceptable in another, Most of the problems seem to occur in English-English relationships but nobody really talks about it and maybe by posting on a forum people like to try and find another reason for a relationship failing rather than just incompatibility?

There seem to be more cases of guys trying to get their heads round the ways of women rather than vice versa.

I think that I tend to provide a fairly typical point of view from the average easy-going British woman.

Sometimes people wind themselves up with their personal problems, so some straight talking should help them to make sense of the situation. Sure it might be a tough pill to swallow, but posting lots of fluffy hugs really isn't the answer.

For a man to love, he must have sex. For a woman to have sex, she must feel loved.
We're screwed however you look at it:D

I don,t think anyone asking for advice blindly follows it...In most cases i think they just want to be told by several people that what they know already , is felt by others to be the case....

Apart from Fireif , who clearly has a problem nobody can solve , most people seem to follow only the advice that fits in with what they want to do anyway.....In my case i just told people what was going on in my new relationship , because so many were interested , when it all went pear shaped i was in no doubt what to do , but it was good to hear what others thought about it....None of you should feel guilty about giving advice....those asking have the choice...to follow it..or not....

So it's okay for Polish men who work abroad to cheat? In fact not only cheat but to form full blown relationships with women who they lie about their marrital stastus to.... Please dont give me that sh!te about cultural differences because it's complete and utter bollox.



News Flash! Most of the women posting here are English and are being cheated on by Polish men!

I'm actually trying to be objective with these kind of posts since I was so horrible to one poster and actually regretted being such a c.u.n.t. towards her. We are just a sounding board and some people just want answers and dont care where they get them from....But wouldn't it be easier to speak to a close friend?

The problem is when they want the answers that they want to hear. That was certainly the case with Firef.

This surely excludes prostitutes? Just a thought.

I would assume that to be obvious because we are on a Polish forum in the English language. What I dislike is that a lot of the time the nationality is blamed for things going wrong. Polish women are XYZ etc...

I do think that humans in general feel the need to communicate their problems and joys, and when emotion is involved we go bonkers and common sence is out the window.

Because we have double standards. I definitely do. I think everybody does they just don't admit it. Extreme case your mother robs your next door neighbour, you defender her. Your neighbour robs your mother, holy war breaks out against your neighbour.

It looks to me that people who say these things have had them happen to them and humans love sharing misery. I am amazed at some of the completely erelavant comments made that reveal deep wounds the person has. Like the psycho analysis word association. e.g. Men = cheaters.

I have never cheated on anyone. I am a manogomist by default. I have been tempted. But I would have thought it obvious why. The excitement.

I was recently commenting on a certain lady's situation, I thought I might be upsetting her, so I asked twice if she wanted me to leave, I would, the first time she said nothing so I assumed that she wanted my views despite a load of other people snapping at me. Anyway the second time I asked she said to go, I left and still people are giving me carp about it. I was not trying to be smart and I was trying to be cautious about pushing too much of an emotional button. But messed it up all the same. I find it difficult when someone asks for my view and then slams me for giving it.

I know where you are coming from and I really like this thread, it is very thoughtful of you Wroclaw but on this one I would have to say that if a person in a relationship can be swayed by something we say on here, then they were bound for disaster anyway.

I am amazed at this forum world and it is quite addictive, I would love to read sociological studies on this form of communication. Can we be trusted, I think not, discussing a matter is one thing but you must make your own decisions and live with the consiquences of your actions. To say that I had a discussion and it led me to break up with my girlfriend would be ridiculous to me, no?
I know my answers are fairly simplistic. I am a much better speaker ha ha ha. But I enjoy this forum so far and I believe there is a lot of potential for it and me to develop.

I agree with this.



Would you then close a thread where no answer could be given ?



This is part of the mystery. I'd never talk about a personal problem on the internet. After all, it's your friends who know you best... not us. I imagine one or two people have got so caught up in a relationship at the cost of their friends. They may have nowhere else to go.



Sorry, I meant is the common sense on our part... those helping.

if you post your private life on a public forum, well, you get whats coming



thats all some of them want - attention and sympathy



yeah? how long have you been in poland Wroc? long to know the score i think



sorry, how long have you been in poland again?

the country is built on self-serving greed and dishonesty. which is why there are so many cheats here



yeah yeah whatever. more likely the relationship was doomed because someone felt the need to post on a public forum



yup. nail on the head



or english men being cheated on by polish women



yup. dont live in denial mate.



moral of the story?

dont post your perosnal sh!t on a public forum if you cant take what people will tell you

not all relationships you speak of are english-polish.. i bet most aren't. and imho, once background (wheather PL or UK or India) doesn't really have that much to do with anything. most relationships are basically the same.

why are the answers that 'they are cheating". i am thinking that has something to do with the content of these posts. if it sounds like a cat, walks like a cat, it's probably a cat, eh?

I've wondered this same thing myself. Why do people automatically assume that the other person is seeing someone else because they're behaving badly? A man is missing for 3 days so obviously he's with another woman. What if he really needed time alone to think about his life and the future of his relationship? What if the girl who hasn't replied to text messages isn't ready for a serious relationship right now?

most of the cheating responces is due to the content of the post not some figment of imaginations. sometimes however it is but most of the time it's based on what the author wrote. read my previous repsonce too.

Thats whats just happend with my cousin, shes been in a relationship with a Polish man for a year, the beginning of June he went home to visit his parents and brothers (so he told her) for a few weeks. She phoned him one day and a women answered she thought it must be a female relative or friend (it was his wife) she said hes spending some time with his kids. My cousin is devestated and doesn't know what to do, not only as he been lying to her all this time but he has a wife and 2 kids. He says he still loves her and doesn't want to lose her, i've met him a few time and he's really charming and can see why she fell for him.

Loads of her family and friends have said dump him, but i think until your in that situations yourself you can't say what they should do, all we can do is be there and support her in whatever decision she makes whether we think its wrong or right.

I think thats why people post there problems cos they don't really know the people on here and sometimes i think its better to tell strangers whats wrong, than it is family or friends who know you.