Polish Parents are controlling

I am not sterotyping, in general, when two women live under the same roof
its difficult, and Krysia is right, the generation gap, I had same problem as far
as having my own life while under my moms roof. she expected more from me
and we did fight , same as Krysia and her mom.

my brothers didnt get it as much as I did, although they did. but our heads
collided because I wanted to do things one way, and she another.

never said my mother wasnt great, no matter how much we fought, I loved her
with every ounce and wouldnt trade her for the world.
still miss her, and wish we could bump heads, hug, hold hands, talk , I could go on.

I've been with my mother for two years since I had a car accident and have lost everything, my house, car, job, health, husband divorced me because I was paralyzed, cheated on me, etc. But before that I had my own house and I wasn't in her hair all the time and now all my junk is in her place. We don't fight because I avoid that, and she likes the company but she thinks differently than I do because she had different experiences while growing up. I grew up in Poland and I think differently than people in USA. I think the Polish way.
But I sometimes shut up. It's her house I have nothing to say.

Krysia, when I moved out from my moms, she wanted me to come back and send
my brothers on their way, both were getting on her nerves, although we had
alot in common and got along most of the time, there was alot of things she didnt
approve of because it wasnt like that when she was young.

I find myself saying this to my own kids. i just hope I can keep our relationship strong
like it was with my mom. I frustrated her as much as she did me. but I think the love
outweighed any arguments we had.

your are right, it is her home, but, she too has to remember you are now adult
and have your own feelings, different views. and your not a child, although you are
still her child.

That was what came up with me and my mom, she always referred to me as the baby
her baby, yes I was the younger child, but when something went wrong, it was me
that everyone called. even my older sister.
talking about it, is better then avoiding it. even though I know where your coming
from, I remember my mom asking me why I dont come to her for advice or help.
she was right.

my husband is getting same response, his grandfather, who raised him, says now
why dont he come to me for advice? or anything else. he even asked me that.
I had no reason, only that I conditioned my self to be independent so I just do it all
my self. "survival"

but, his grandfather is up in age, and might not be here much longer, I point this out
to him, cause there will be a time when he wont be able to talk to him.

that is why I say that. yes, life is short.

Hello I feel you

My mom is the same way. When I was visiting her in chicago , that women hated my computer. And heaven forbid if someone found out i was in chicago , and wanted to go out and have a few drinks or what ever just visit. It would be a million questions . Were you going , why you going. I love my mom but Damm, She is relentless. So I know the feeling. I was there for two months and when It came time to go boy was I ready.
Its was hard on me as I miss her. But I think even her being Polish has nothing to do with it. I think a mom is a mom no matter what. And no matter her age it will always be the same. She is being mom. Remember the days when you were young. Don't sit to close to the TV. Did you do your homework. Its to cold outside to go play. Its time for bed. You need to eat fruit. Carrots for stronger eyes. LOL
My mom is still the same way. And I'm 41 lol.

Oh Buy the way when i was leaving to get back to california . Since I try to visit her in chicago as often as I can. She said . Don't forget when you come to visit leave that computer at home..lol.........lol.........lol

There's a difference between visiting parents and living with them. I lived 30 miles away from my mom. Didn't see her for days and it was cool, I could go and do whatever I want, had my own house, cleaned it and decorated the way I wanted to and a person feels in control. But living with mother after that is harder. She's always asking or telling me what to do.She feels bad if I don't tell her where I'm going, etc. And she doesn't like it when I'm on the computer either!
I guess she's just being a mother.

I understand that there is a difference. As much as i love living away from home . I love hanging out with my mom. And my sister thanks me everytime..LOL
But your post reminded me of my mom when I was there. And I spent 3 months there.
So I know what your talking about . But MOMs are MOMs . That will never change.
I'm 41 and I get questioned on everything. When i stay with her there I even have a curfew. I have to be home by 10:00.. LOL
And If I go to do anything or if the phone rings or anything. My mom has to know all. And I mean all.. who called , why were you gone so long. why you on the computer all day.
Its like my mom in your words....

Blimy my mums a saint in comparison to some of the mothers here, my mum doesnt question me, she knows Ill tell her stuff If I need to, I moved out many years ago, but even when I was at home, she knew I had my own life and she let me get on with it...but yes she did nag about certain things, you dont eat enough, you spend to much on shoes, you should have an early night....and on and on, but mums are mums....no matter what age you are..

MY mother was the best, no matter what. if we argued it was because she cared!

two women under the same roof do clash. because they want things their way.
has nothing to do with polish, had to do with beliefs. her generation did not go out
on saturdays to a bar, they went to the movies and came home early.

I was still young, and wanted to get out. she had every right to yell when it was under
her roof. because I find myself now thinking that way. I dont want to see my children
get hurt no matter where they go.

Parenting doesnt come with a book that says how to.



all moms are saints!

the most embarrassing thing my mum did to me was come and drag me out of a pub (bar if you are in the US). I went out with my workfriends for a Xmas drink. it was not even that late only about 10pm.
It was the first time I had been out in a year as I had a baby the year before, and I was really enjoying myself. I even broke the heel on one of my boots , it was a great night, the place was packed, the atmosphere jolly... and then my mum comes and drags me out and tells me I have to go home. I was SOOOOO embarrased - I was 31!

My mum isnt polish but she is exactly like some of the moms you describe on here....She likes to know what i am doing..who i am going out with etc..a million questions!!!so i started lying to her which i hate to do as i am very honest...i have had to hide some of my relationships from her also as she is very judgemental of who i date etc...would move out but renting and property prices in London are an arm and a leg but having said that i love her to bits and wouldnt change her for the world!

My parent's are strict so i can not go out unless i have a good reason to... like they were especially in high school now their more understand.. but with my brother he gets to do watever he wants they even give him money to make him go out.. i was like okay well then... it is not very fair..

Brothers do get to do more. same here. till I turned 18.

Sorry to hear that ania. that is true my mom let me get away with a lot more than my sister ever did.

and my sister remindes me to this day . Oh her angel . is what she says.

I never did anything on purpose to get her in to trouble . or even brag to her that i got away with something. And she could not.

when i think back I feel kind a bad.

But i think its that parents are just more protective of there daughters.
A son just is taught to be on his own at a much younger age.
So I think thats why it seems we get away with more.
And to a point we do get away with more.
But once the women is it out the house and Married with kids .
I think the parents at that point really focus on the daughter and what they can help her with.

So hang on you'll see as you get older how the table turns on the son. Or your brother.

The same situation with my sister - she met in Poland a boyfriend (Who is settled in Norway), and my mum is just getting crazy over him, not accepting him and furious that my sister is going to visit him for 2 weeks. And telling all the stuff - Shame on you! I would never go to a man for two weeks, no marriage, nothing and you want to go, ok go but with no my own acceptation of this

I never had a Polish mother, but my mother (now dead) could have been one.
She was a hard to live with Yankee. Very cold too.

But the sad part is, that I never was interested in her past, or her relatives.
So now, I have few clues as to her ancestry, and will never get the complete
story of her ancestors.

Those of you still having mothers and fathers to talk with, get them to tell you all
they know about their ancestry. You won't regret it.

now this is interesting- i lost my mum three years ago and i miss her so much-my husband left me becuse he couldnt cope with my grief-he is emtionless. so trying to get on with my life-my point here is i am a modern mum and i dont harass my kids-but i do like to know they are safe-but there are constantly questioning me -who i talk to, why i am on the computor, where am i going-its driving me crazy-so what do you make of this?

I'm with you, my mom and I didn't agree on anything when i was a teenager, but i think it would be hard for anyone to pick out anyone who is agreeable with their parent/child when the kid is a teenager.

I do that to my mom now but she knows that I'm just playing around with her. It would be weird being serious about that.

seems to vbe a polish thing.. none of my foreign (american, latin) friends have this type of issue.. all their mothers are way more supportive instead of tearing you donw.. it must be a cultural thing as my mom is nuts too. although, as of late my dad has been a real arse to my sis.. not sure what gives.. they both hate to give up any control.. ie.. cut the freaking cord.. EVER. lol :D

guess there are playing around and also care that about me =just like when i ask them lots of questions.

krysia -i know it must be driving you mad the constant questions-but do you not think they are just concerned about you?- from what you say you hvae had a rough deal-is it possible for you to move out soon?

My family and I moved to canada when I was 5 or 6. Growing up my mom was so controlling. she was always so concerned about what other Polish families thought so when visiting I had to wear really stupid clothes and comb over my hair really lame. She never allowed anything at all. I was just shut in completely. growing up I really hated her and wanted to run away all the time.

I wouldn,t say it was just a Polish thing....I was born and brought up in the UK...My mom came and tried to drag me home from a gathering of several of my biker mates when i was 16...very embarrasing when you are trying to be a tough biker guy , i hated her for it , and we never got on at all till i moved out when i was 17...Looking back now i can see she was just trying to look after the only man left in her life after my dad went absent when i was 5....My mom died three years ago two days before my birthday....I wish i understood then what i do now.....

- I wish it were always the case! Unfortunately, it often isn't.

maybe she wouldn't be so much interested in your life if she had her own?