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Apr 2, 07, 10:45 #64
I think you folks are nice, kind and are making good points.....however, he who has not sinned, cast the first stone
I by no means am proud of this relationship; of what i did and what i failed to do.
>Yes, I was pompous to brag (20); I am a man, and I have had lovers from 16 on, and 2/3rds were real GFs and I called every night....yes, every night and NEVER cheated. I work brutally hard, and like to live life, and see no wrong in loving a woman.....and many in this life. Better than the 50% of divorces, cheaters and diseases I read about.
Yes, I brought up a superficial point about body image; but , it was a symbol of everything that i didn't know or didn't want to know.
Now some clarifications:
-This is anonymous and I am asking in general terms, so no one is being degraded.
-This relationship was a two-way street; we both knew what we doing, and no one was forced or lied to.
-I was wrapped up in 70 hr per week 6-figure career, business travel, and resurrecting a business
-She was a new immigrant, 30, and was struggling with VISAs, school, working papers, and making money
-In the beginning it worked; she wanted nothing more than what we had....and quote unquote said: "it was 'perfect' for what i needed". She basically kept it a secret from friends / family.
-None of you, it seems (except guys maybe) are admitting how seductive and alluring, and eventually damaging such an arrangement (ie, f-buddy every 3-4 weeks) can be.
And you gals might deny she should be accountable in any way....
-So we both lived it for 1 yr.; I didn't date other women, and was monagamous with her, and she was with me.
-In the 2nd yr. I moved, started a new job and we both agreed it was time to move on, even had a little fight to make it stick. Well 6 weeks later we were back. This time it was different: she stayed all night, had brunches and weekends and dinners....and shared our ups and downs, and emotionally supported each other. Yes, her body was not perfect, but neither was I.
-Unfortunately, during this year, we both started to realize we may not be able to live down the horrible way we started our relationship. She now wanted a full boyfriend / commitment, and my reluctance made her start to throw petty jealousies in my face.
Be careful gals, somethings you say can never be retracted and stain forever.
-Well, now I felt resentful. I had spent two yrs with a woman....who in the beginning was massively sexually aggressive even predatory. She used me too, and in the end I was hooked and did not seek out better relationships. Yes, there was manipulation....and every woman knows how that works when they have nowhere to turn. I dont blame her; her pressures to survive were massive. But, that was her choice. I worked hard for what i had in life; and didn't want to risk it all for someone who so easily lived a double-life.
-She had her negatives too: pressured me to borrow money, sponsor her visa, was always changing jobs, homes, and was secretive about how she survives or pays bills, etc. (parents were wiring money, and she was eating nothing....but spending on designer clothes and clubs!)
-No woman can trade her intimacy for anonymous gratification and not pay a price. Men will judge her, and make lifelong and million dollar decisions based on it. And men too will be judged badly for their weakness and character flaws for encouraging such debasing behavior as well.
-So yes I tried to save the situation and was in deep denial, shame and guilt. I hoped family and friends would be supportive and help us transition to normalcy. Well 100% of the people said it doesn't add up; and felt I was being duped with easy sex and would be taken advantage of badly (green card marriage, divorce, lawsuit, etc). They were not lulled into denial, and just felt she looked 10yrs older, most likely was ex-married, and had a kid. Same response, any cranky mother-in-law would have when sizing up a bride.
-I finally faced the music. I admitted i was a jerk for letting it happen for so long. Had no one to blame but myself. Stepped up and ended it civilly. Does it still hurt, Yes. Was it the right decision yes. Is life fair, no. Will I be happy again, yes.
-Will she do this again; I think so.
- I hope none of you make the same mistake.....and thats the moral of this post.
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