My wife wants to return to Poland...but I want to stay in the US

True, but additionally, when good men fight for custody against not so good women, the courts still continue to give child custody to the women. That explains why men don't initiate divorce because they have so much more to lose. There must be more fairness in this area.

Amazing that feminists don't want more equally in this area isn't it?

Let's take another scenario; a man is married to an American career woman for a couple of years; he tells her that he wants to go back to his country, and he will take their child with him. Is there any doubt that some here would give the concerned woman different advice than given the man?

True enough. The problem is that the father won't even get meaningful access in the case above. How can you give custody to the person who entered into marriage with a view to creating a family with her husband and then U-turns?

They are both of Polish origin, without any cultural differences, it highlights nothing.

Many people marry into different cultures, and they last a lifetime. This is quite a silly naive remark.

I was making a point that with a cultural difference it can be difficult. I know lots of people who have broken up for this reason, open your eyes santander!

Cultural differences are no different to any other indiffferences as to why people split up. People split up because they are no longer compatible, irrespective of age, finance, nationality or culture.

Has Jozek mentioned his wife's profession? Does she have means of supporting herself and possibly even her family, in Poland?

I'd like to think that we're talking about two people that fell in love and are trying to make it. He admits himself that sees how miserable his wife is. I don't think she planned to have unhappy two years in Chicago in order to "steal" his child and end up where she started from, minus the child's father. Sometimes we try our best and and if we're still unhappy, we're supposed to be able to turn to our partner and ask for reconsideration.

So, unless she has no earning power whatsoever, he should try to see how it is when the shoe is on the other foot, and give her couple of years in Poland.

Its obvious your not married or rather not married to somebody from a different culture, some people learn the hard way lol.

Jozek, if you live in the Chicago area then you might want to hire attorney Jeffrey Leving; I'm sure you've seen his pro father ads. ....if it comes to that.

Go to Poland with her, Jozek.
She had the courage to try US for you, you don't have it in you to at least try and reciprocate?
Look around this board - the few that have the balls to try another country for their love seem to be well adjusted here. The rest seem to blame everything else but themselves.

OFF Topic - The idea of every word staying exactly on topic in a reply is simply unrealistic.


You (the mods) are killing so many nuances of this virtual conversation by cherry picking some replies to stay here while removing others to the dump bin.

In my view my reply WAS on topic especially in the light of a possible future divorce (which I hope will NEVER happen). The person who started this thread asked for advice and I think the advice should touch on every possibility out there; even subjects that are uncomfortable for us to discuss.


Some people here claim that if the divorce happens it'll be tougher for him to hang on to the custody of the child since he's a man. I agree with that sentiment to a certain degree - and I think that's yet another reason why he should do whatever takes to save his marriage.



polishforums.com/off-topic-lounge-47/random-chat-thread-deleted-monthl y-40691/122/#msg845849

So a picture of a glass of JD is on topic is it? You need to get familiar with the rules. If your post is not on topic in the public section of the forums, then it will get moved to the random chat thread, where you can carry on with your conversion.

Eh, she was visiting the US and likely paid a lot of money and went through bureaucracy to do so, so don't be saying that 'she had the courage' when she was likely looking for a new and fun experience. To try the US, LOL. What a joke! I'd love to try the US and there would be no courage involved. She got married AND had a kid, major steps really. Had she had any inkling that she wanted to return, she should have discussed it with him.

You don't have it in you? LOL That was a classic. What part of "I want to stay in the US" don't you understand?

I think you're missing the first part of that statement. I also sense that you have a hard time imagining that someone might like living in Poland better than the US. That's fine. Jozek might be one of those, too. And it's precisely because of the marriage and the child that I'm suggesting he considers some tough choices to try to save the marriage before calling the lawyers.

Well, she can return and leave the kid with him. How about that? She gets her wish and he gets his.

Not at all, even more so given that she is from Poland. Poland has many things going for it.

Do you think he hasn't considered those tough choices? A good lawyer will say 'the welfare of the child is paramount' anyway. The assessment of courts tends to be against uprooting the child. Provided that they have access to their language, religion and other material factors, this is the normal outcome.

No, but I think the rest of the post was...

Does every single word in a reply have to be on the subject? A pretty extreme position, isn't it?

easy, seanus. I thought his aim was to seek advice on how to keep his family, not on divorce.
My fist instinct was to tell him to get out of Chicago - personally I don't think anything cures the blues as fast as palm trees, blue skies and a walk on the beach, but I didn't want this to veer into Florida bashing, or defending Chicago, for that matter.
The fact is that he posted here, where english speakers living in Poland frequent. That's saying something.

Where did I mention divorce in my last post? Sth's gotta give and what was wrong with my suggestion that she goes home and he stays? He has likely settled in the US under the belief that she wanted to do likewise as she didn't say anything to the contrary until later on in the day.

To keep his family?? He has them.

The idea is to stay on topic in these threads. If someone goes off-topic then it encourages other members to follow suit, and these public forum threads will start looking like the random chat thread. Would you really like to wade through lots of trash to find an answer to your questions?

Also, getting married and having a baby are highly suggestive of a 'settled intention', a major factor in habitual residence. Read Beaumont and McEleavy's book for more caselaw. The first guy was my prof and we discussed it extensively in Masters seminars.

That's the official legal position. Reality shows that women often want to elope with the kid. Say otherwise and you show me that you haven't read the bulk of the caselaw. I've seen it firsthand, the woman treated the man like dirt and ran off with the kid.

Josef, I'm just saying that you seem to want your wife to be happy and also it looks like you don't think you can be happy in Poland. You might be right, and you might be wrong. It may be worth finding out for sure. If nothing else, you'll earn the right of comparing the two from your own experience. And I'm sure you'll score some huge points with your wife.

And he should pay for upping sticks, should he? Scoring points, LOL. For how long? Until she starts moaning and bi*ching that she can't find work. Or wasn't that in the plan either?

Feel free to give Jozek your heartfelt advice, Seanus. You really are wasting your time trying to pick an argument with me.

I see your point but I think as long as there's some kind of connection to the subject - it should be allowed.

If I posted here trying to sell womens underwear made in China - then yeah, I would've agreed with you 100%.

Anyways, that's my obviously biased view on the subject...

Often times, I label anything Peanus pens as hyperbole and or even blatant idiocy.. but this one was to the contrary. Yes exactly, if she had any inkling she wanted to return to Poland that should have been expressed outright.

Well, the beat goes on, and unfortunately we will never be free of the assanine whims of women.

F stop, Jozek is likely reading this and picking up on what he needs to. That which I have given him, the legal position and what I've seen many women do (abscond). ZIMMY also chipped in with some good stuff.

Scrappy called it right. He must be firm and stand his ground. Even trials in foreign countries are fraught with pitfalls. Jobs don't often work on a suspension basis (why should his employer hold it til he returns?) and he can't give that up easily. Besides, there isn't a plethora of options for him here unless he uses Polish fluently.

Wasting my time? LOL The next classic.

The woman in this marriage is 'changing the rules'. They married here, had the baby here, decided to live here. I almost hate to mention the following but maybe having a baby and going back to Poland was her plan from the start. Some women want a baby and therefore put in a minimal amount of time in their marriage investment. Sorry, but it happens.


Some women use men as sperm donors.

My question is: Josef, how were you treated by her prior to this announcement of hers?

Seanus
I don't think so... People like to know other people's position, but the final decision is theirs... It doesn't mean that all your input is not valuable...

Well, then stay....dude r u serious?

What is a duderu?

Have you been to Buffalo, NY? :)


Have you been to NYC?[/quote]


Surely worse than in most metro areas in the US?

Joking aside, I'm pretty sure she already knows all that, but she possibly decided that whether one likes to live in one country or another does not depend on the weather, plastic smiles and empty roads.

Dude: slang for guy, man, male, boy, etc.

r u: Are you

Example: Dude, are you having a beer with us?

or

Dude r u having a beer with us?