My wife wants to return to Poland...but I want to stay in the US

We know who the ultra dude is......
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Lebowski

she hasnt changed anything, she is just home sick, she hasnt even left yet.


seanus, isnt that a bit over the top? you dont even know this couple and already
your accusing her /assuming she will b*itch and moan and you have no clue.

you said some sound advice , now it just sounds like your b*itching.
and it isnt even your wife.. go figure.



how can you even say this?? why would someone travel half across the world , to have
a kid when they can have one in poland just the same, dont have to deal with the
immigration, loss of money , courts etc etc??????

thats just plain reaching for straws there zimmy!!

she is home sick thats it!!!

Well, she should have realized that the first 6 months she was here.. not after she got married and bore a child. It's not grounds for him giving up his life.

six months is hardly enough time, as he said she hasnt met any friends, etc etc.
if none of her family is here, thats hard, it would be the same for him, if he lived
there, maybe he could pay for her family to come see here?

as for having a child and staying as long as she did, maybe she does love him or
maybe she isnt getting something from the relationship , there could be numerous
things going on.

But this is clearly a example of why international relationships are difficult.
even if there wasnt a child. there is so much culture difference, and it
is something to learn from. its not like if they did part ways he could just go
over to her home and pick up the child for the weekend like we can here.

Yes, you're probably right here.

...not a woman so I won't ever be able to fully understand but I've been told before that being pregnant is an extremely emotional time, for some more so than others.

Being away from "home" and living in a foreign country is hard enough. Throw in a pregnancy into the equation and all the 'rules of engagement' have just been changed...

Depends on the person I suppose.


They're not that difficult...been in dozens of 'em... :)

ZIMMY is right. Many women have that agenda. Get the baby and scarper. PGTX, what do you mean by 'I don't think so'? I'm trying to combine the legal reality which is inherently rational with the practical emotional aspects. There has to be a compromise. If they both sort out employment in Poland before they get here (assuming he was to move, of course) then the welfare of the kid is in that bit better of a position. I don't know if the OP will reply again but I'd like to ask him what her plans are as we can't just pick and choose in life. It is her wish to return so the onus should be on her, esp with her knowledge of Polish, to provide guarantees to him AND the child as best she can.

I agree that it is better to poor but happy.
My future husband is from Poland and has an ex-wife and 2 girls back in poland. He only gets paid once every 3 month while I work full time and his ex-wife is calling 5 times a day for money from him. He has been here for 6 years and divorced for almost 3 years.
I love him even though we don't have money.
I just wish his ex-wife would leave us alone about money. I have no problems if he wants to speak with his daughter, but for her to call and want money that we don't have all the time is hard.
Any advice?

picture yourself as the first wife, with 2 kids...

tell her to stop calling foreign countries five times a day and to save that money or change your number.

Yep change your number and use call barring when he phones his daughters up.

She is the one that wanted the divorce from him.
I understand that he has two children.
I think calling someone 5 times a day for money is crazy. He told her as soon as he gets money he will send it. He has sent money every month for the past 6 years, but in January his work got cut so he didin't have money for January of February and now has his own medical issue to attend to.
I think she thinks he has money becuase he mom lives here in the US and sends her and her boyfriend with the 2 children money.
All I am asking is that she calls for the child to talk to her dad and she does't have to call 5 times a day for money.

He told her he would call her when he has money and 3 days late the phone calls started again at 4 in the morning......

so she knows to wait 3 months, then when he's late 3 days she starts calling? I would be too, if next paycheck was another 3 months away.
let me asks you: when he gets his money, who gets the first dibs - you or his kids?

Second wives frequently find out how 'evil' first wives can be. They understand what so many divorced men go through. Calling so frequently is psychological (emotional) abuse.


Doesn't matter to ex wives. 'It's all about them(selves)'.


That doesn't matter because it's all about the money. Additionally, many women tell the kids that "daddy doesn't love you". It's called Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS).
http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/


That's intentional; lots of stuff for you in the link above. Good luck.

Marriage is for life and you should remind her of that. There are all kinds of arrangements that can be made. I still believe that the man should stay as that is his life. My wife and I had talked about my views on returning to Scotland a lot before finally deciding to get married.

That's assuming the woman is a rational human being. As you must have found out by now most women make their decisions based on 'feelings' not logic.


Of course. The woman took the "for better or worse" vows but evidently those don't mean much in the modern feminized world, and indeed, our current culture gives women incentives to divorce.

"While 70% of all divorces are initiated by women, 85 to 90% of custody awards go to the women."
http://www.askmen.com/daily/austin_60/92_fashion_style.html

Yeah, talk about raw deals. Still, 100% of men enter into them ;) ;) ;)

.....and then, with some women a divorce settlement is only permanent if a woman says it is.
How's this for 'female entitlement'"
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1253909/Ex-wife-claims-560-000 --30-years-marriage-split.html

Sorry, I didn't read it as it was the Daily Mail. Divorce is such a cumbersome business, so much fiddly paperwork.

Simply put, a woman wants a £560,000 payout 25 years after divorcing her husband. He's been paying her £27,000 a year in maintenance all that time but being an "empowered" woman, it seems that isn't enough for her "entitled" female self. No kids are involved.

You see, that's when things get ridiculous. Absurd figures are bandied about and people go cuckoo. She needs to come a cropper somehow.

I know this thread is old, but just want to put my 2 cent here - Is it not possible to make arrangement with your wife that your whole family (you, your wife and your little daughter) to make a visit Poland very year for 1-2 weeks or more?
If your wife is very homesick now, can you go with her to Poland and visit a month and return to US with her?If you go with her, then she may not have the chance to oppose you as you are with her and that there is no cnace for her to stay in Poland?

Dear Jozek.
My name is Tony and I have the same situation as you do but only the opposite. My advice to you is to have her visit her family in Poland at least once a year until that homesickness eventually wears off. She'll have something to look forward to and if she truly loves you with all her heart she'll have to let go of these negative feelings. I have ruined my life for making a stupid decision of moving to Europe from the U.S. and will now regret it for the rest of my life. Your wife should be thankful for living in the BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD! Don't make the same mistake I've made. If you have a steady job then keep it! Let her look for a job this way she can contribute to her traveling expenses to Poland and BACK!

It's always the same. she wants to go home but what work is there for us? we have to learn a new language and the pay is 10 times less...
Ask her to stay in the states. you can have a better life there.

Sad, why did you marry a piece like that? This was unheard of not so long ago, but, yeah, in the West it is a norm, I hope Poland won't follow this method of resolving marriage problems any time soon.

Sorry, but I think this is often a big part of the problem and downright ignorant. The USA is the best country for US-Americans, but not for your foreign wife. And she surely doesn't have to be thankful! The best country for a Polish woman is Poland, and the best country for my Russian wife is Russia. You guys have to understand that your wife gave up everything to live with YOU, but her better economic situation in the USA can't replace what she gave up for you (family and friends, language and culture). In her new life she basically turned from adult to child, not being able to deal with the most basic things. It's no wonder that a woman that has to stay at home in a foreign country all the time wants to go back home!
I can tell you what I did. The first thing I made sure is that she isn't dependent on me. She learned the language and got a job, which gave her her own money and her own social circle. I told her she could redesign my house to make it ours, not mine. Whenever possible I show her my country (almost every weekend) and why I like it, and I always try to find connections to Russia, and now she likes it here quite a lot. She avoids the Russian diaspora because this would again isolate her from the majority society. We celebrate the holidays of both countries, like Western and Russian Christmas. Her family visits her at least once a year, and we visit Russia also at least once a year. But despite all this I know that my country will never be like Russia, and I'm so incredibly thankful that she gave up everything for me. And as long as you don't feel the same about your wife it will not work. It's as simple as that.

Paliviec- very good post. Thank you for that :)
I can't imagine how would it feel to leave everything I know and love behind me. It must be hard and it's no wonder your wives miss their homeland

Paliviec - well put, sometimes you have to experience things as an immigrant or place yourself in immigrant's shoes to understand issue such as this one.