My Family hates my wife because she's American ...

♂

Edited by: LukaszJagiello Jan 4, 11, 00:26 #1

First of all I was born and raised in South Poland now for all that don't think there is a difference where you wore born in Poland this would be a lesson ... I'm what's considered a Góral (Highlander) to some people that would be something like white trash ... never the less we still have our traditions ... 10 years ago I met my wife 6 years ago we got married ... my wife had three little girls when i met her and we had a son together ... My family can't stand my wife because she's American and I married outside of race if you can call it that (both her parents wore from Poland but they died when she was young) ... my mom was so mad that she didn't come to the wedding and on top of all that she tried to blackmail me now here is the kicker ... she bought us (my wife and I) a home and three day after we moved in she told my wife to get out with the kids and she wants a paternity test on MY son to make sure it's MY son ... now like I said before ... I was born South Poland thing like me going outside of race are not even spoken more less done but ... I understand to be strict to your owen but is this CRAZY or is it just me ...

♀

Jan 4, 11, 00:30 #2

LukaszJagiello:

First of all I was born and raised in South Poland now for all that don't think there is a difference where you wore born in Poland this would be a lesson ... I'm what's considered a Góral (Highlander) to some people that would be something like white trash ... never the less we still have our traditions ... 10 years ago I met my wife 6 years ago we got married ... my wife had three little girls when i met her and we had a son together ... My family can't stand my wife because she's American and I married outside of race if you can call it that (both her parents wore from Poland but they died when she was young) ... my mom was so mad that she didn't come to the wedding and on top of all that she tried to blackmail me now here is the kicker ... she bought us (my wife and I) a home and three day after we moved in she told my wife to get out with the kids and she wants a paternity test on MY son to make sure it's MY son ... now like I said before ... I was born South Poland thing like me going outside of race are not even spoken more less done but ... I understand to be strict to your owen but is this CRAZY or is it just me ...

Is it really because your wife is from the states or because she's not one of you guys?

LukaszJagielloThreads: 2 Posts: 26 Joined: Jan 3, 11 ♂	Edited by: LukaszJagiello Jan 4, 11, 00:32 #3
I think It's both ... After we moved out of the house she bought I didn't talk to her for about four years ... we just started to talk few month ago ... we'll see how it goes ... she's still my mom ..

guesswhoThreads: 23 Posts: 3,326 Joined: Mar 17, 10 ♀	Jan 4, 11, 00:41 #4
Strange but sh*t happens I guess.

LukaszJagielloThreads: 2 Posts: 26 Joined: Jan 3, 11 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 00:47 #5
Just wondering if anyone ever want through something like that ... I know polish culture is strict but I think this is ridiculous ... I love my wife and my kids but I miss my family ...

adamkutThreads: 2 Posts: 14 Joined: Aug 3, 10 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 00:49 #6
Where are you from Poland? What village?

LukaszJagielloThreads: 2 Posts: 26 Joined: Jan 3, 11 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 00:53 #7
Nowy Targ ... (Podhale)

f stopThreads: 33 Posts: 2,861 Joined: Dec 9, 09 ♀	Jan 4, 11, 01:00 #8
I think you're looking for excuses for your mother's behaviour. My guess is that it has nothing to do with górals, or Americans, she probably wanted to keep you close to her and she worried about your wife taking you far, far away.

♂

Jan 4, 11, 01:00 #9

Of course it is crazy Lukasz. You are a grown man, and you have married a woman you wanted to marry. That is your decision, your responsibility and your life. Your mother should learn to accept that, or at least respect your decisions, whatever she may think of your actions.

I would never allow anyone to buy a house for me though. No one owes me anything, and I do not owe anyone else anything. I will never allow someone else to control certain aspects of my life that way. I may sound blunt to you, but I hope you have learned a valuable lesson there?

You are a grown man and a father to four children. You should work for your own property Lukasz, because that way, you will always have control over your own household and your own life, and no one will be able to blackmail you into doing anything that you firmly disagree with, and no one will be able to kick you out of your own house, unless you do not pay your bills.

I am not you, and do not know the slightest about your situation, but I can safely state that I would never forgive my mother if she treated me and my wife like that. It is utterly disrespectful towards you and your wife. You should not allow your mother to humiliate you and your wife this way.

wildroverThreads: 180 Posts: 8,188 Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 01:04 #10
Your mum is just going to have to accept that who you married is your business , and not for her to interfere in.... If she does not like your wife its going to be difficult , but she is not going to win this battle , and i even if she does its not going to do much for her relationshop with you... Tricky one...

♀

Jan 4, 11, 01:04 #11

LukaszJagiello:

my mom was so mad that she didn't come to the wedding and on top of all that she tried to blackmail me now here is the kicke

Has she done what she can to please your family? Cause I don't think she can appease them.

Really, sit them down in front of your wife and get them to fess up what it is they want you to do differently. Confess to them the strength of your love for your wife and remind them of the beautiful grand-kids she has bore.
Admit that marrying an American (outcast if you will) was not the first choice for their happiness, but that it is essential for yours. But find out exactly what it is you can do about it?

There's no point in them hanging on to lost hopes for you to marry the village princess or anything cause you have been out in the world and have found yourself a foreign woman.

Unfortunately you simply don't know if they would take this approach with any woman you married. They are looking to have some sort of control of your life; Are you the eldest/ only son? Are your folks happily married?

Good luck.

shewolfThreads: 5 Posts: 1,835 Joined: Dec 23, 06 ♀	Jan 4, 11, 01:12 #12
LukaszJagiello: Just wondering if anyone ever want through something like that ... I know polish culture is strict but I think this is ridiculous ... I know people who have been through the same thing. They married outside of the race and the parents didn't accept it and they didn't speak to them for years and didn't accept the children. It happens more than people realize.

warszawskiThreads: 60 Posts: 2,389 Joined: May 21, 10 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 01:19 #13
LukaszJagiello: I love my wife and my kids but I miss my family ... Lukasz, you all live in the USA do you have American passports?

♂

Edited by: LukaszJagiello Jan 4, 11, 01:21 #14

f stop:

it has nothing to do with górals

Maybe not but its a culture I know and that's the culture she was raised in ...

A J:

and no one will be able to kick you out of your own house

that's why we moved out back to are owen place that night ...

wildrover:

Tricky one...

yea I cant believe I fell for that one .. she's a smart woman

Ashleys mind:

Confess to them the strength of your love for your wife and remind them of the beautiful grand-kids she has bore.

yea I think they got the picture when I moved out of the house that night ...

shewolf:

It happens more than people realize.

well I dont know if I should be happy but I guess I am ...
Yes we have passport why?

IronsideThreads: 59 Posts: 6,788 Joined: Feb 26, 09 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 01:40 #15
LukaszJagiello: My family can't stand my wife because she's American and I married outside of race i I think that it is BS! Could be that your wife is divorcée or that she have three children already! Don't know about Górals but Nowy Targ it is a town ! Something in your story ....did you make it up?

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Jan 4, 11, 01:56 #16

Ironside:

did you make it up

I wish It was a story and I made up but it's true ... thats what I'm trying to find out ... see if anyone other then me want through what I'm going through ... Everyone in my family has holidays together as a family but my family ... I didn't make the choice to come over to America which I'm not regrading at all I love this country and I'm glad I'm here ... but if they wanted me to marry a polish girl then they should not have exposed me to such diversity of people ... I didn't choose who I should love my heart did ... if she was Polish, American, German, Spanish, African American or just African I love her the same way ...

adamkutThreads: 2 Posts: 14 Joined: Aug 3, 10 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 02:32 #17
Lukasz, I'm from Frydman 10 minutes from Nowy Targ

LukaszJagielloThreads: 2 Posts: 26 Joined: Jan 3, 11 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 02:37 #18
adamkut: I'm from Frydman Your in NJ right ... when did you get here ... I want to NJ once DAMN ... I cant go back or I'll be without a family for sure ... LOL

Pinching PeteThreads: 1 Posts: 1,111 Joined: Feb 23, 08 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 04:35 #19
LukaszJagiello: My family can't stand my wife because she's American Did she eat all the Christmas food?

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Jan 4, 11, 05:26 #20

LukaszJagiello:

Just wondering if anyone ever want through something like that ... I know polish culture is strict but I think this is ridiculous ... I love my wife and my kids but I miss my family ...

you make your own decisions, there is nothing that says you have to be in arranged marriage right? so you chose your wife , if you mom has such a problem she will die with it
because you dont have the problem.

tell you mother, its her choice, you love her, but you also love your wife and your life as it
is, she has her life to run, your life is seperate, if she wants you in it for good then she needs
to be understanding and her job as a parent is done, its time for her to be a grandmother
and stop acting childish cause its her causing the issues not you.

mother or not, she has no right to be telling you how to run yours. parents are controlling
over their children when they are young , not when they are grown and taking care of them
selfs. you moved in with her, she prob tried to use the your under my roof now . what she
fails to see is that she cant treat other adults like children and she has no right to demand
paternity when its you who is the father,, she didnt carry this child, she is only the grandmother, not the parent, she has no rights other then to see the child and act like a
grandmother, not a crazy mother in law.. I would have stepped in her space and challenged
her,, you should not take your crap from her, mother or not she has not learned to respect
you as her adult son.

it would be different if you married someone who was cheating and taking money, but
she is moving to poland with you, uprooting her other three children to be with you,
and putting up with a crazy mother in law who kicks her out the 3 day she is in poland with
children??? who does that???

I am pretty sure you need to get control of this, your mother needs to be told by you
not your wife, that you are going to stay away until she is done having issues, you love
her but you have a family and if she cant respect that , there is no room in your family for
nonsense.. does she want to be a grandma or a lonely old woman??

ok, done, thats my ten cents :) LOL

been a long work week last week.. :)

Wroclaw BoyThreads: 57 Posts: 5,478 Joined: Jul 3, 09 MEMBER ♂	Jan 4, 11, 09:18 #21
Your mother thinks your wife is a slut, she does not trust her, she had in mind a nice virgin girl for her amazing son this didnt happen and she distrusts and thinks shes taken advantage of you. Your wife needs to earn her trust, if thats at all possible, your mother will come round in time or lose a son - thats the deal.

♂

Edited by: hague1cmaeron Jan 4, 11, 09:38 #22

LukaszJagiello:

my wife had three little girls when i met her and we had a son together ... My family can't stand my wife because she's American and I married outside of race

There is your problem, it is not so much that she is an American, it is probably more to do with the fact that she is an African/American.

LukaszJagiello:

considered a Góral (Highlander) to some people that would be something like white trash

Not sure what people you are talking about, they tend to do quite well for themselves, white trash tends not to own the houses that they do...

any way is that the way you explain it to your wife?

When you first met your wife to be, did you indicate to your parents who she was, did you introduce to her before getting married/

BTW I Lived in Nowy Targ

hague1cmaeronThreads: 21 Posts: 1,654 Joined: Mar 30, 10 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 10:01 #23
Do you currently live in the US or Poland?

Wroclaw BoyThreads: 57 Posts: 5,478 Joined: Jul 3, 09 MEMBER ♂	Jan 4, 11, 10:16 #24
hague1cmaeron: it is probably more to do with the fact that she is an African/American. Shes white dude, he posted a pic on another thread.

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Edited by: hague1cmaeron Jan 4, 11, 10:39 #25

Wroclaw Boy:

Shes white dude, he posted a pic on another thread.

Well he did say that he married outside of his race, so what is he talking about. And if she happens to be white, I really do not believe that his parents will not relent eventually.....unless of course there is something more to with it than that, like manners, culture etc. Qualities that are generally valued by older people.

Naturally given the fact that she has been in a previous marriage that complicates this a little bit.

Wroclaw BoyThreads: 57 Posts: 5,478 Joined: Jul 3, 09 MEMBER ♂	Edited by: Wroclaw Boy Jan 4, 11, 10:42 #26
hague1cmaeron: Well he did say that he married outside of his race, so what is he talking about. Polish or Slavic i assume. Enjoying the cricket old chap?

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Edited by: hague1cmaeron Jan 4, 11, 10:46 #27

Wroclaw Boy:

Polish or Slavic i assume.

Enjoying the cricket old chap?

I will let you in on a secret, I am not supporting the team that I think you think that I am supporting.... for obvious reasons I do not want to go into it much further, suffice to say that I try to keep my support a secret(:

Anyway i thought they were a dead cert in Perth, so I took a bet with my relation who supports the other side....and I lost.

So yes I am enjoying it(:

OlafThreads: 8 Posts: 1,369 Joined: Oct 29, 09 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 11:22 #28
That's insane. Maybe you should make your mother a nasty surprise and sell the house and go with your family to live far enough from her.

nunczkaThreads: 17 Posts: 624 Joined: Sep 13, 08 ♂	Jan 4, 11, 12:13 #29
Wroclaw Boy: hague1cmaeron: it is probably more to do with the fact that she is an African/American. Shes white dude, he posted a pic on another thread. But didn't he claim that she was of a different race?..Give Mom a break. She has every right to express her view. After all, she raised him and wished for better expectations for her Son.

Wroclaw BoyThreads: 57 Posts: 5,478 Joined: Jul 3, 09 MEMBER ♂	Edited by: Wroclaw Boy Jan 4, 11, 12:18 #30
nunczka: But didn't he claim that she was of a different race? Slavic is a different race and he did post a picture. What should I bring back from the U.S.? Post 14, she looks a little young to have 4 children but hey. actually he said both her parents were Polish born so shes a slav anyway, im confused.

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