My Family hates my wife because she's American ...

f stopThreads: 33 Posts: 2,861 Joined: Dec 9, 09 ♀	Jan 5, 11, 01:35 #61
yea... I think everyone, at least once, decided to take a stand and had it blow up in their face. na zdrowie!~

LukaszJagielloThreads: 2 Posts: 26 Joined: Jan 3, 11 ♂	Jan 5, 11, 01:41 #62
f stop: na zdrowie!~ sto lat

kika25

Jan 5, 11, 06:22 #63

Hey Lukasz,

I'm first generation American and 100% Polish. So a part of me understands your situation completely because I have seen and heard from other families who married 1. outside their race 2. a divorcee with children. Polish families are very protection and I've noticed that some Polish mother's have a very difficult time of letting go of their children. I think that is why your mother didn't like your friend and part of the reason your mother doesn't like your wife. But what fuels your mother's dislike to your wife is that she has children, three of them. Growing up in a poor country during a time when people didn't have enough to eat, probably makes your mom resentful of why should you support another man's children. I don't know your financial situation, but if your parent's could afford to buy you a house means they must have worked hard to make a comfortable life that they would like to share with their son and blood grandchildren. Since you mentioned your mother's English is weak, she probably doesn't feel like she can communicate with your wife and language can be a huge barrier.
Sadly there isn't a easy clean cut solution. You've made your choice and the only thing your mom can do is deal with it. talk with her, find of her reasons, and choice what is best for you and your family

♂

Jan 5, 11, 06:55 #64

LukaszJagiello:

... My family can't stand my wife because she's American and I married outside of race if you can call it that (both her parents wore from Poland but they died when she was young)

Polish families are very controlling. Everyone who is raised in a Polish family has to go through this, the parents always emotionally blackmail their kids to get their way. I had to move away myself. Yeah, I miss where I grew up but a guys gotta grow up and get on with his life. Welcome to America.

aphrodisiacThreads: 22 Posts: 3,998 Joined: Apr 15, 09 ♀	Jan 5, 11, 16:38 #65
Chicago Pollock: Polish families are very controlling. Everyone who is raised in a Polish family has to go through this, the parents always emotionally blackmail their kids to get their way. I had to move away myself. Yeah, I miss where I grew up but a guys gotta grow up and get on with his life. Welcome to America. so true.

wildroverThreads: 180 Posts: 8,188 Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂	Jan 5, 11, 17:14 #66
Chicago Pollock: Polish families are very controlling. Everyone who is raised in a Polish family has to go through this, Most mums think their boy could have done better when it comes to his choice of wife , thats something thats universal , not just a Polish thing...

MsAdviceWondful

Jan 6, 11, 01:22 #67

LukaszJagiello

LukaszJagiello:

she bought us (my wife and I) a home and three day after we moved in she told my wife to get out with the kids and she wants a paternity test on MY son

1. Find a local psychologyst or even a psychiatrist*? in your area that speaks Polish.
2. make an apoitment to show up with your mom.
3. than tell your mom that you are taking her out.
4. bring her to the appointment and tell her that she has a problem
5. leave her with the psychologist to work on the problem
6. come back if the problem is solved, if not get her a taxi home.

hope this helps

Peter Cracow

Jan 6, 11, 17:19 #68

Your mother considers your wife as a LATAWICA, doesn't she? Of course, your wife is not a LATAWICA, but this is how the cultural differences work.
My family used to live in Nowy Targ too (not highlanders, just had a residence in Kowaniec) and told me how distinct and traditional comunity they had to live with, especially before WW2. I can imagine how huge crash happens when Góral style of life meets American style of life!
Let's back to the point. Your mother is not a problem. I believe that a real problem is your own attitude. Do you want to be a husband of your wife? Than be him! Don't your family want to accept her? It means that in fact they don't want to accept you in person! It is like your mother wouldn't accept a color of your eyes, your view, sense of humour, etc. Góral or not Góral this is absolute inadmissible behaviour.
It looks that you have to recocncile to your fate. You can't be your mother's boy forever. Forget it. You miss your former live? Every grown up man faces a kind of choosing problem sooner or later. I believe that shrink would confirm this opinion. But not for free.

warszawskiThreads: 60 Posts: 2,389 Joined: May 21, 10 ♂	Edited by: warszawski Jan 7, 11, 00:58 #69
Peter Cracow: I believe that a real problem is your own attitude Bingo! Sort out the problem and be a man. Make everyone happy as a son,husband and father. Your responsibility. While you act in your way, the children miss the opportunity of having a grand mother.

♂

Jan 8, 11, 21:15 #70

Hi I am Irish and my wife is Polish, I think its common for wife and the mother to be enemies because they both think they know whats best. I think for your mother she maybe agressive towards your wife because your wife took you away from the mother maybe? Could be sense of jealousy there in some way.

My mother and my wife dont see eye to eye on alot of things and just tolerate each other. Also both of our parents are not 100% happy we were together to start with as I think both parents, being old fashions wanted us to marry into our own nationalities.

The fact is each person owns their own life, you should sit down and make everything clear to your mother that you love your wife very much, that you trust her and that nothing your mother will say can change who you spend your life with.

Its just typical protective mother in my opinion,,,, maybe a little too protective, but still :)

Best of Luck

- Trevor

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