Fell in love; I need to go back to Poland for 2 months - what to say at work (UK)

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Nov 3, 10, 00:45 #31

Ok, let me clarify.

Do employees in U.K. have an annoying habit to call in sick when their nose starts running on a Sunday evening?

Hell yeah.

Is it common to see ppl faking medical problems that supposedly last for 2 freakin' months just to shack up with their new guy/girl in another country?

Hell no.

Who ends up carrying the burden? Your co-workers. What if they can't? Your employer is at a loss.

That **** is so sickening it should be criminal.

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Edited by: skysoulmate Nov 3, 10, 02:01 #32

Lots of good advice here and I'd like to clarify that Leave of Absense does not cost the employer; basically the employee "quits" but has recall rights. That's the US version, not sure how it works in the UK.

I think that an employee who is very unhappy in her/his soul is not a good emplyee at all and I think she needs to take care of herself first and foremost.

Now, if I was the man she's so much in love with I'd move mountains to make it happen. Whether me moving to her or us finding a way for her to move in with me BUT NOT UNTIL FINDING A JOB FOR HER so she could have a peace of mind.

I hope it works out for you, just be smart, if unsure, wait...

Love is patient, love is kind...

z_dariusThreads: 22 Posts: 5,091 Joined: Oct 18, 07 ♂	Nov 3, 10, 02:13 #33
skysoulmate: There is an inspiring quote for most solution to a problem. It's better to have loved and lost (a job?) than to have never loved at all.

skysoulmateThreads: 41 Posts: 3,039 Joined: Jan 10, 10 ♂	Nov 3, 10, 07:11 #34
z_darius: It's better to have loved and lost (a job?) than to have never loved at all. Hmm, you're making a very good point here. I'm truly not 100% on what I'd have done if I was in her shoes (ok 9-inch stilettos :)). Deep inside I am a hopeless romantic and am afraid I'd do exactly what I'm advising her not to do. What was that de la Barca saying? When love is not madness, it is not love.

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Nov 3, 10, 11:31 #35

skysoulmate:

I think that an employee who is very unhappy in her/his soul is not a good emplyee at all and I think she needs to take care of herself first and foremost.

The OP has a position of responsibility in the company, to say leave of absence will not cost the employer is wrong. Unless the OP is prepared to cross train another employee, before taking, leave of absence. The OP is going to have to lie to the employer, because if she told the truth, the employer would say, "move on" unless there is a possibility of the OP doing market research in Poland on behalf of the company. Many Uk companies are opening joint ventures in Poland.

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Edited by: Amathyst Nov 3, 10, 14:27 #36

Danka100:

I've met someone couple of months ago on holidays in Poland and we fell in love so much that we've decided to move in together (in Poland, in his apartment). Since we've met we've been booking a flights back and forth just to see each other for a little bit. Currently I live and work in the UK (and I've got a really good job). We've set a date already which in the end of this month but lately we both got some doubts .. We don't know each other that well after all. I'm giving up my job and everything in here to move in with him and I can't help wonder what if we both will realize that was a big mistake?? That will be ME left with nothing..

So I'm thinking that maybe we should give this a try for about 2 months and then we'll both see if this is working for us. If it will the choice is going to be really easy but if it won't I'd like to come back and get my life in here back. Which means that I'd like to go back to my current job (which I like pretty much by the way). So to arrange that I'd need to take an unpaid holidays or give a medical certificate of temporary work disability or something..or maybe should I just tell a truth and hope for understanding.. ??? What should I do???? I'd really love to be with him (and I'm ready to sacrifice everything to do so) but in a worst scenario I'd like to have a place to go back to (I mean my job mainly). What should I say at work then???? Please help me coz my brain is in a whirl.. :(

Yeah ask your employer for 2 months off..Im sure they'll happily give it to you when you tell them why, in fact, they may even give you the rest of your life off..

As for going on the sick when not being ill, it's fraud, but please feel free to try and see what your employer does! We have dont "temporary disability or something" in this country..WTF do you think this country is?

Midas:

I'd fire you on the spot if I was your boss.

Dito

Midas:

don't bring these "customs" to the UK.

Looks like they have!

Midas:

Do employees in U.K. have an annoying habit to call in sick when their nose starts running on a Sunday evening?

Thats called a hangover...I dont find that acceptable either..

Danka100:

Please give me an advise don't judge me.

Whilst you're living in my country and planning on commiting fraud I'll judge you till the cows come home...Please phuck off out of my country, there are British people who are actively looking for jobs and you have this attitude to yours? pft!

dtaylor5632Threads: 49 Posts: 4,459 Joined: May 2, 09 ♂	Nov 3, 10, 14:39 #37
Amathyst: Thats called a hangover...I dont find that acceptable either.. If any of my workers came into the place with a hangover I'd sack them on the spot. If they then "admitted" they had a problem with alcohol I would need to council them...geeez what is the world coming to?

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Nov 3, 10, 16:49 #38

dtaylor5632:

If any of my workers came into the place with a hangover I'd sack them on the spot. If they then "admitted" they had a problem with alcohol I would need to council them...geeez what is the world coming to?

Rather someone come in work with a bit of a hangover (we've all done it - I dont mean still drunk either) than throw a sicky! That's my point...Sickness costs companies millions and cause headaches for staff who have to cover..If I can get my ar*e in work when Im feeling crap then I sure as hell expect other people to..What I dont expect is someone seeking advice on how to defraud their company because they want a "trial" shack up
with someone in another country!! Does she think the UK employment sector is here for her convenience?

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Nov 3, 10, 18:33 #39

Danka100:

I'd need to take an unpaid holidays or give a medical certificate of temporary work disability or something..or maybe should I just tell a truth and hope for understanding.. ???

As you can all see I'm just considering my options. I didn't say I'll be laying about it. I'd prefer to take unpaid leave most likely. But it's a pretty rough time, coz is really busy over the Christmas which makes me feel even worse..I'm just trying to find a best solution here. Honestly I'm not a bad person who wants to take advantage of anyone. I'm just looking for my own happiness for once.

Danka100Threads: 1 Posts: 10 Joined: Nov 2, 10 ♀	Nov 3, 10, 18:54 #40
Atosha: Time is the master, if you are both meant to be together it will happen but please don't lie to your boss about being ill. I won't do it. I know it would be wrong. I didn't thought this through while I've been posting this part.

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Nov 3, 10, 19:15 #41

skysoulmate:

I think that an employee who is very unhappy in her/his soul is not a good emplyee at all and I think she needs to take care of herself first and foremost. Now, if I was the man she's so much in love with I'd move mountains to make it happen. Whether me moving to her or us finding a way for her to move in with me BUT NOT UNTIL FINDING A JOB FOR HER so she could have a peace of mind.I hope it works out for you, just be smart, if unsure, wait...Love is patient, love is kind...

Thank you. It's nice to hear the opinion which touches the merits of the case and it's being kept in a friendly way of expression..pointing me in some direction at the same time.

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Nov 3, 10, 23:02 #42

jwojcie:

From practical perspective, well if you have couple of months behind you I think you can try this:
- choose a place: his or yours
- get a two-three week leave, both of you but not entire at the same time, maybe one week which covers.
that way you should have about one month together without risk of job loss.

I know you guys have met eachother a couple of times already, but this is the best advice so far. I'm sure you'll be able to arrange something, and if this guy really loves you and cares about you, then he should care about your future too, and he shouldn't mind waiting for you a little longer if necessary.

:)

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Nov 3, 10, 23:19 #43

Danka100:

Honestly I'm not a bad person who wants to take advantage of anyone

Anyone that has spent anytime working with Poles in PL, comes to the conclusion very quickly that in the mind of Polish workers, taking sick days is just a way of extending holidays. It is disgraceful the way Polish workers abuse the system in PL, no wonder employers will do all they can, not to give permanent contracts.

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Nov 4, 10, 10:44 #44

"Please give me an advise don't judge me.

Whilst you're living in my country and planning on commiting fraud I'll judge you till the cows come home...Please phuck off out of my country, there are British people who are actively looking for jobs and you have this attitude to yours? pft!"

Right on the spot.

What is it with Polish people ( especially Polish women, to be fair ) and the whole "don't judge me" attitude?

I've encountered that more than once ( at least seven times to be specific ), each and every time it was a Polish female doing something either morally questionable or blatantly criminal and then pullling a "don't judge me" card on people ( often her countrymen ) who suggested it is not a proper thing to do.

So, I gotta ask, is Tupac really popular with the girls over in Poland, with his whole "only god can judge me" thing? :-)

Sarcasm aside, Brits have every right to judge you, get pissed off, or even inform authorities if you are out there trying to scam your employer ( as was pointed out - plenty of locals without jobs at the moment ), live off the benefits or have sham marriages for a few bob so more of these nice Nigerian gentlemen can stay in the country.

Get used to it.

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Nov 4, 10, 18:46 #45

Midas:

Brits have every right to judge you, get pissed off, or even inform authorities if you are out there trying to scam your employer ( as was pointed out - plenty of locals without jobs at the moment ), live off the benefits or have sham marriages for a few bob so more of these nice Nigerian gentlemen can stay in the country.

look i would not be taking sick leave nor would i expect any payment from my employer i would simply want 2 months off work unpaid with giving them plenty of notice. it was very late when i originally started this simply brainstorming ideas i was never intending to do anything illegal. i have never claimed ONE benefit since living in the UK, i have worked hard and built a career for myself unlike alot of British people who think it is OK to fake their disability claiming millions from the state and never working a day in their life but let me guess you are fine with this because they are British!! and as for plenty of locals being out of work this is mainly down to choice because they would rather claim benefit than work. Walk in the job centre and you will find hundreds of jobs there ready to start tomorrow but 'shock horror' to british it is minimum pay so they would be above doing this work which i happily did for years so do not point your finger at me judging me and being rude when your opinions are falsely directed to me. im not looking for your opinions on something i have not or not planning on doing (maybe set up a new thread to discuss your strong beliefs on this) i am simply looking for some guidance.

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Nov 4, 10, 19:52 #46

Danka100:

im not looking for your opinions on something i have not or not planning on doing (maybe set up a new thread to discuss your strong beliefs on this) i am simply looking for some guidance.

But to be honest you was planning on doing as you wrote this:
So I'm thinking that maybe we should give this a try for about 2 months and then we'll both see if this is working for us. If it will the choice is going to be really easy but if it won't I'd like to come back and get my life in here back. Which means that I'd like to go back to my current job (which I like pretty much by the way). So to arrange that I'd need to take an unpaid holidays or give a medical certificate of temporary work disability or something..or maybe should I just tell a truth and hope for understanding.. ??? What should I do????

You should understand that people are entitled to have there say as it was you that asked the question in the first place. Being responsible is also about taking the positive with the negative. If you wrote something in the heat of the moment fine but please don't be to quick to get angry.

Anyway perhaps you should speak to the HR department at your work place as you clearly don't know about your company policys. In most company's you can only take of 3 weeks with the written consent of management and you are not entitled to unpaid leave unless there is a very good reason and even then you have to provide proof and its only 5 days you would get. So no matter how you do it you would not get the 2 months you are looking for.

Good luck

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Nov 4, 10, 20:27 #47

I just want to say thank you to those who've been trying to help with what i'm going through. For a game i haven't tried yet but i'm going to

yuaelt:

get yourself a bottle of vodka or whatever is your poison, prepare a glass, take a deep breath, and ask yourself a few questions

... :)
for comforting words and beautiful quotes. I don't see any point to continue this thread coz lately i'm not getting any advises just the criticism instead.
So once again THANK YOU guys for giving me opportunity to ask myself few important questions.

THE END

davidhunThreads: 3 Posts: 11 Joined: Nov 4, 10 ♂	Nov 4, 10, 20:38 #48
hi Danka! i see this topic is just closed, so i just wanted to wish you good luck for this everything! (; i can understand this situation because it's similar a bit in some cases for mine... S: i hope you the bests!!! (:

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Nov 5, 10, 12:35 #49

1) You wrote what you wrote, that pretty much sums up your initial intentions, so don't act like nothing happened. We are not all wee kids here, you know, and we can make our own observations.

In your case my observation is: You received the ( well-deserved ) negative response for trying to fcuk your boss out of his money illegally, hence you pretend like it wasn't your initial intention.

2) I see you are having some trouble understanding what permanent employment really is.

You are employed permanently so your boss can expect you to be there at all times if/when required by law. Had he wanted things otherwise he would have hired temps from an agency for less $$.

Now there are certain unique situations in which law grants an employee the right to cease working and deal with an emergency of personal nature. Shacking up with a new boyo is not one of them.

Why does the law reserve such rights for emergency situations? Because, no matter how long a notice your employer is at a fcuking loss when one of his permanent employees decides to quit working for 2 months. In a best case scenario someone else has to carry the workload. And if they can't, guess who is losing money?

3) If you still don't understand what I'm talking about - feel free to head up to your boss and tell him about this uber-brilliant idea of yours - "Look, I'll give you plenty of notice and I'll be just gone for two months. You know, I just need to see if me and this guy can really hit it off. We cool, right?".

They'll either give you a big hug and tell you to go for it or fire you ( In this economy I'm strongly betting on the latter ) and the problem will be solved.

4) I've hardly been rude, I've been realistic. Too bad you can't take it.

5) I'll keep pointing my finger at you until the sun runs out of plasma. Because I sure as hell don't want the Polish to mass-import their lovely "oh, let's fake some disability/illness and screw my employer/the state out of their money" custom over to Blightey. People who do that should just hop on a plane and go back to where they came from.

6) Saying other people are thieves when you plan to steal is really no excuse.

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Nov 5, 10, 12:43 #50

Danka100:

Walk in the job centre and you will find hundreds of jobs there ready to start tomorrow but 'shock horror' to british it is minimum pay so they would be above doing this work

Um, strange statement, because the first thing that you must state when you sign on is how much you were paid in your last employment. Then the adviser would not look at jobs paying less than that unless you stated you were prepared to work for less. Plus why would many people who have mortgages, families ect to look after be prepared to work for min wage?

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Nov 5, 10, 12:46 #51

warszawski:

Anyone that has spent anytime working with Poles in PL, comes to the conclusion very quickly that in the mind of Polish workers, taking sick days is just a way of extending holidays. It is disgraceful the way Polish workers abuse the system in PL, no wonder employers will do all they can, not to give permanent contracts.

Oh yes. Especially if there's a free day on Thursdays or Tuesdays - it's guaranteed that they'll mysteriously go "sick" to give themselves a 4 day weekend.

I fully expect the same nonsense next Friday.

PolishTraitorThreads: 1 Posts: 42 Joined: Nov 5, 10 ♂ [Suspended]	Nov 5, 10, 13:15 #52
delphiandomine: I fully expect the same nonsense next Friday. Only in companies that aren't savy enough to make the day a compulsory day off in lieu of a public holiday that fell on a Sunday.

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Edited by: Marynka11 Nov 5, 10, 19:57 #53

Danka100, one thing I don't understand is why you think that two months will take care of everything. You can't have your cake and eat it. Say you are together for the two months, all is great. You stay and things don't work out after 2 years. You can't look at a relationship like on some sort of job contract.

If you think this is the guy for you, go for it. You probably have much higher chance to find a another good job than another good guy.

And say, something happens to your workplace, like eg. your boss files chapter eleven or lets you go. Nothing is granted. I'm saying that because I had a dilemma of similar sort. I had a job that I liked. When my first kid was born I took only 3 months off so that I can be on top of everything, especially that the time of the year was really critical for that job. I saw my kid for maybe 2-3 hours a day. 6 months after I came back to work my boss out of the blue decided to outsource my department. I can't tell you how bitter I was. Not because I was laid off, but because I've lost 6 months of being with my then baby for that stupid company.

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