A friendship with a man from my church who moved to the US from Poland

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Dec 2, 11, 00:37 #1

hi everyone,

i am a newcomer to this site, and am in search of some friendly advice. i am a single, christian, 42 yr. old woman from the usa. a couple of years ago i struck up a casual friendship with a man from my church who moved here from Poland about 15 years ago. this man is single, has no family living in this country, and is kind of a loner. we have talked on the phone, have frequently sat together during service, and attended many of the same church social functions, where we always end up sitting and talking with each other. i find myself somewhat attracted to this man, and would like to get to know him on a deeper level. when i have asked common friends about him they all say that he is kind of shy, does not like pushy women, and that the few serious relationships he has had, have left him hurt and very relationship gun shy. i am very shy myself, and am quite dumb when it comes to reading men. my question main questions are how do i proceed from here without driving him away, and how can i tell if he feels the same way about me? sorry for my ignorance in these matters, but i have had very limited relationship experience. any friendly advice will be greatly appreciated! thans in advance ,

susie

WroclawThreads: 77 Posts: 7,404 Joined: Apr 1, 06 ♂ [Moderator]	Dec 2, 11, 00:44 #2
poland: sorry for my ignorance in these matters, but i have had very limited relationship experience. any friendly advice will be greatly appreciated to take it to the next level you have to get out of the confines of the church. walks, coffee, cinema etc.

polandThreads: 2 Posts: 2 Joined: Dec 2, 11 ♀	Dec 2, 11, 04:09 #3
how do i suggest something like that without scaring him off?

beckskiThreads: 19 Posts: 2,148 Joined: May 15, 07 MEMBER ♀	Edited by: beckski Dec 2, 11, 07:18 #4
poland: a couple of years ago i struck up a casual friendship with a man from my church who moved here from Poland Have you had an attraction for him since you met or just recently? A sincere thanks PF, for putting up with me FIVE terrific years, muah!

MEMBER ♀

Edited by: Natasa Dec 2, 11, 09:09 #5

Wroclaw:

to take it to the next level you have to get out of the confines of the church. walks, coffee, cinema etc.

poland:

how do i suggest something like that without scaring him off?

why would you like to date a man who is afraid of coffee and walks????
Imagine the anxiety related to other aspects of partners functioning.

Move on if he doesn't do something during next few encounters.

Men and women in the role of partners are by definition replaceable. Disposable.

stop the earth i want to get off

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Dec 2, 11, 10:40 #6

Wroclaw:

to take it to the next level you have to get out of the confines of the church. walks, coffee, cinema etc.

Very good advice.

poland:

we have talked on the phone,

Never good.

poland:

how do i suggest something like that without scaring him off?

After one of the church functions - choose the right one, so you're both feeling upbeat - suggest stopping off for a coffee. Maybe leave your car at home and ask him for a lift. Be flirty for a while first, so it doesn't hit him out of the blue. If he's as timid as you say, be prepared for him being hesitant first, but at least you've sown the seeds of something.

smurfThreads: 46 Posts: 660 Joined: Sep 8, 09 ♂	Dec 2, 11, 10:54 #7
you need to give him a blowjob, that's the one single trick to get any man. Do it in the confession box, it'll be kinky.

NatasaThreads: 7 Posts: 2,611 Joined: Jun 6, 10 MEMBER ♀	Dec 2, 11, 11:08 #8
Who are you, you are worse than me? stop the earth i want to get off

blackadderThreads: 4 Posts: 403 Joined: Jun 28, 07 ♂	Dec 2, 11, 13:39 #9
smurf: you need to give him a blowjob, that's the one single trick to get any man. Do it in the confession box, it'll be kinky. I dropped my can full of beer when I saw this XD

smurfThreads: 46 Posts: 660 Joined: Sep 8, 09 ♂	Dec 2, 11, 15:44 #10
blackadder: I dropped my can full of beer sorry dude, I owe you a beer.

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Dec 3, 11, 14:23 #11

Hi everyone,

First of all thank you for all of the helpful advice to all who responded!

Now, in answer to the question about when attraction started, although I always thought he was cute, in the beginning i really only saw him a friend. The attraction began more recently as we started talking more, and i started to gwt to know him better!

In response to the comment from Natasa, I think maybe you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I don't think my friend is afraid of going for a walk or for coffee, i just meant that because he is a little relationship shy, and because he doesn't like a woman to be to aggressive, I was afraid of making the first move.

And finally to JonnyM, thank you for all of your comments and advice. I am not very good at flirting, but you are right! I will just heve to try to work up my nerve, and test the waters slowly at first, and wait for just the right moment to suggest coffee or something! But it might take a while ,cause like you said i don't want it to come out of the blue to him!
thanks for all the encouragement! I will Let you know how it goes, wish me luck!

MEMBER ♀

Dec 3, 11, 16:55 #12

smurf:

you need to give him a blowjob, that's the one single trick to get any man. Do it in the confession box, it'll be kinky

nearly pissed my pants when i read this...hahaha!! glad i wasnt holding beer at same time also....seriously poland,why dont you invite him round to yours after church for some lunch? i know lots of poles,and they all love their food. if you have known him this long, then he must regard you as a friend. if he has a genuine reason to say no,then ok. suggest some other time. if he makes excuses then maybe he isnt interested. you wont find out unless you grab the bull by the horns....sorry poland, had to post this now because if i am last poster, cant add post. GOOD LUCK !!!

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Edited by: Patrycja19 Dec 3, 11, 18:25 #13

poland:

how do i proceed from here without driving him away

Great relationships happen from strong friendships. so if you want to take it to another level, you need
to either be upfront and honest with him and say how you feel and see where he is at. otherwise you will
be only making yourself hurt by not opening up. he might not be good at reading you either, one of you has
to initiate it or it will stay in limbo and you will never know. one of you has to come out of your shell.. two
shy people trying to date.. can you see where that is going to end up?

but first explain to him, that if he isnt interested you still want to be friends and dont want things to be
awkward for you both, because all you want to know is if he feels close to you as well.. nothing wrong
with feeling like you do.

Best of luck to you both :)

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