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Why in some relationships one person wants kids while the other does not?

posts: 19

AllisonThreads: 21 Posts: 439 Joined: May 29, 10 ♀	Aug 15, 10, 21:35 #1
One person always wants kids and the other really doesn't? I have never understood this, and it is painful to watch couples like this.

wildroverThreads: 180 Posts: 8,188 Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂	Aug 15, 10, 21:37 #2
What makes a mouse when it spins....?

AllisonThreads: 21 Posts: 439 Joined: May 29, 10 ♀	Aug 15, 10, 21:38 #3
wildrover: What makes a mouse when it spins....? huh???

SeanBMThreads: 41 Posts: 8,727 Joined: Mar 10, 08 ♂	Aug 15, 10, 21:40 #4
wildrover: What makes a mouse when it spins....? It's head!, no! it's tail! It's head? I know, it's tail?

siarnaqThreads: - Posts: 8 Joined: Aug 9, 10 ♀	Aug 15, 10, 21:41 #5
it's a riddle :) fits the kids wanting/not wanting thing quite well really

wildroverThreads: 180 Posts: 8,188 Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂	Aug 15, 10, 21:45 #6
Don,t people talk about this sort of stuff before it gets serious for gods sake....

AllisonThreads: 21 Posts: 439 Joined: May 29, 10 ♀	Edited by: Allison Aug 15, 10, 21:47 #7
wildrover: Don,t people talk about this sort of stuff before it gets serious for gods sake.... What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with me if thats what you mean, I just see it happening to other people. For example my brother really wanted kids and his wife really didn't or wanted to wait a long time.

PlasticPoleThreads: 10 Posts: 5,433 Joined: May 28, 09 ♀	Aug 15, 10, 21:49 #8
If one wants them and the other doesn't, the two are incompatible and should perhaps start looking around for new partners.

siarnaqThreads: - Posts: 8 Joined: Aug 9, 10 ♀	Aug 15, 10, 21:50 #9
the trouble is, you DO talk about kids etc before you get married, but then things change sometimes, that's where you then get the imbalance. just because you don't want kids when you're 20 doesn't mean when you get to 30 you still don't want them. Nature takes over sometimes and then you want things you never thought you would. thats one explanation anyway.

wildroverThreads: 180 Posts: 8,188 Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂	Aug 15, 10, 21:53 #10
Allison: What are you talking about? i am saying that people should talk about this stuff before the relationship gets serious...not argue about after they are married....

JustysiaSThreads: 15 Posts: 2,869 Joined: Oct 14, 07 MEMBER ♀	Aug 15, 10, 21:58 #11
you can't expect the other person to want the exact same thing you do at the exact same time, they are another human being, not your identical twin. you can't force them to have the same needs and having a baby is not just something you think about for a few minutes and go 'yeah ok lets do this'.

♂

Aug 15, 10, 22:01 #12

Allison:

One person always wants kids and the other really doesn't?

that's way general and at your age maybe more prevalent then once people mature a bit..

wildrover:

Don,t people talk about this sort of stuff before it gets serious for gods sake....

yes but it takes maturity and some life dreams and plans.. at Allison's age, none of those really exist just yet..

wildrover:

i am saying that people should talk about this stuff before the relationship gets serious...not argue about after they are married....

yes but who said anything that people out there are actually smart? ;)

siarnaqThreads: - Posts: 8 Joined: Aug 9, 10 ♀	Aug 15, 10, 22:38 #13
being in love with someone can make you very UNsmart! it makes you blind

♀

Aug 15, 10, 23:13 #14

Something like wanting children is very important. If one of the parents doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of a kid, they are going to be unhappy and probably not a great parent. If you want children, you must like them and probably want to be a good parent to them, so why would you choose to reproduce with someone you know can't provide that?
Someone who wants kids would be better off with a partner who feels the same way. That way they can have a perfect family with two loving, doting, parents. It's what every child deserves.

♂

Edited by: trener zolwia Aug 21, 10, 03:58 #15

This very thing happened to my brother. Sad story.
He and his wife were the perfect couple. They had entered their marriage with the understanding that neither of them wanted kids. Well after a number of years passed his wife came to him one day and basically said 'I know we had an agreement but there's something inside me that just has to have a baby.' They couldn't come together on it and ended up splitting up. I think my brother felt betrayed by her going back on her word and bullied to resentment by what became her ultimatum. But that maternal drive in women is strong. To her credit she didn't just sneak him and get pregnant, as many women likely would have. In hindsight, he should have known she was nesting when she insisted that they buy a big house with lots of bedrooms and a big yard. Anyway, they split and brother dated around and ended up getting remarried a few years later. And ten years after his divorce he had a child with his new wife. His first wife remarried to... with a man who couldn't have children. They remain friends. Maybe she and my brother should have just stuck it out longer?

Good topic, Allison.

♂

Aug 21, 10, 04:34 #16

PlasticPole

That way they can have a perfect family with two loving, doting, parents. It's what every child deserves.

Perfect family? Hello?

JustysiaS

you can't expect the other person to want the exact same thing you do at the exact same time, they are another human being, not your identical twin. you can't force them to have the same needs...

Yes

Sometime it works like this

... you think about for a few minutes and go 'yeah ok lets do this'.

or like this:

...just sneak him and get pregnant...

SeanusThreads: 22 Posts: 30,158 Joined: Dec 25, 07 ♂	Aug 21, 10, 12:27 #17
One is selfish and will only do things when they want to and the other isn't ;) ;)

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09 ♂	Aug 21, 10, 13:36 #18
Timing is not always easy. However, it's essential for a good relationship. Sometimes life is difficult, and we have to live with that.

♂

Edited by: trener zolwia Aug 21, 10, 18:07 #19

SzwedwPolsce:

not always easy. However, it's essential for a good relationship.

Sometimes life is difficult, and we have to live with that.

Of course. Relationships are always difficult to some extent.

How many times have we heard that communication is the most important part of any healthy relationship?
But even then there are no guarantees. Evidence my brother's story...
Maybe that's the moral...

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