Irish woman dating a Polish man - need advice about my polish boyfriend and marriage

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Nov 13, 10, 15:12 #1

hi i need some advise, i,m a 48year old Irish women whos being dating a 51 year old polish man for the last 4 months, he tells me he's in love with me, I am deeply in love with him, he says he has exgirlfriend in poland the mother of his two grown up daughters. he wants us to get engaged at christmas, he's sent to poland for papers to say he's free to marry me, but i tell him he's moving to fast for me, i have 2 grown up children, who he needs to get to know first. I dont want to lose him, but he wont listen when i say , marrage is big commitment in Ireland, he says when polish men fall in love they want to get married quickly. Is this true in poland? I'm very confused, my family think i'm crazy about engagement at christmas

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09 ♂	Nov 13, 10, 15:32 #2
Engagement and plans of marriage after 4 months are not common in Poland.

delphiandomineThreads: 42 Posts: 9,954 Joined: Nov 25, 08 ♂ [Suspended]	Nov 13, 10, 15:35 #3
SzwedwPolsce: Engagement and plans of marriage after 4 months are not common in Poland. Nor are quick divorces. It's not that common either, and as far as I can observe, the ones who fall in love and want to get married all have one thing in common - they turn out to be control freaks. Stay well away.

cazThreads: 1 Posts: 2 Joined: Nov 13, 10 ♀	Nov 13, 10, 15:36 #4
so why would you think the big rush?

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09 ♂	Edited by: SzwedwPolsce Nov 13, 10, 15:56 #5
caz: so why would you think the big rush? We don't know him. But maybe he is a control freak. Maybe he just starts to feel very old. However, it's impossible for us to know. You should get to know him better before making the decision.

ShawnHThreads: 9 Posts: 3,056 Joined: Jul 2, 09 ♂	Nov 13, 10, 15:59 #6
Marriage is supposed to be a life long commitment. What is another year or so, if you are both committed to a life long relationship?

cazThreads: 1 Posts: 2 Joined: Nov 13, 10 ♀	Nov 13, 10, 16:14 #7
if he loves me as much as he says , he should wait right?

A JThreads: 19 Posts: 4,639 Joined: May 21, 10 ♂	Nov 13, 10, 16:17 #8
caz: if he loves me as much as he says , he should wait right? If he loves you as much as he says, then he should care about your feelings and respect your decisions, yes.

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Nov 13, 10, 16:56 #9

caz
I dont want to lose him, but he wont listen when i say, marriage is big commitment in Ireland, he says when polish men fall in love they want to get married quickly.

Are you sure about it?
People don't get married in Poland after 4 months, usually it's after one year, sometimes a bit longer, two or three years...
I'd think 10 times before taking the decision about marrying the Polish man.
I think he expects from the commitment something more then just You and Your love.

♂

Nov 13, 10, 16:59 #10

1. Wait for the papers he ordered
2. Do you know any of his relatives-siblings, children, parents?. If not, don't you find it strange that he wants to get married before introducing you ?
3. Consider background check (i know it sounds strange, but may save you a lot of grief later) Check for previous marriages, possible alimony payments, criminal history etc.
4. Something tells me that he wants to move fast knowing that you might be blinded be love.
5.Take you time, use common sense. YOU are your #1 concern.

SzwedwPolsceThreads: 13 Posts: 1,915 Joined: Feb 21, 09 ♂	Edited by: SzwedwPolsce Nov 13, 10, 19:00 #11
noreenb: usually it's after one year How many young couples in PL do you know that got married after 1 year. I don't know any. I would guess that the average today is about 3 years. But I don't have any statistics.

shewolfThreads: 5 Posts: 1,835 Joined: Dec 23, 06 ♀	Nov 13, 10, 19:29 #12
caz: he says when polish men fall in love they want to get married quickly. Is this true in poland? I'm very confused, Does he want a green card? I don't know how legal citizenship is handled in Ireland. What if he wants access to your finances to steal them. eek.

DarrenMThreads: 2 Posts: 126 Joined: Dec 21, 07 ♂	Nov 13, 10, 19:37 #13
shewolf: Does he want a green card? He's Polish, hence he is a EU Citizen, Ireland is in the EU, hence he doesn't need a Green Card!!

espanaThreads: 40 Posts: 2,233 Joined: Feb 28, 07 ♂	Edited by: espana Nov 13, 10, 19:51 #14
caz: moving to fast for me he want your money.

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Nov 13, 10, 23:25 #15

SzwedwPolsce
How many young couples in PL do you know that got married after 1 year.

People who are older then 40 used to to get married after one year very often.
I know many young couples who go to bed after one evening and are in a relationship for the next 4 days. Then everyone goes his own way and looks for a better lover for the next 4 days till he or she meets the best lover... for the next 1 month till he (or she) will not meet and check a better one.
;)

joepilsudskiThreads: 44 Posts: 2,529 Joined: Apr 27, 07 ♂	Nov 14, 10, 00:20 #16
caz: hi i need some advise, i,m a 48year old Irish women whos being dating a 51 year old polish man for the last 4 months, he tells me he's in love with me... Take your time.

terriThreads: 1 Posts: 385 Joined: May 3, 09 ♀	Nov 14, 10, 00:39 #17
Marry in haste....repend at leisure....

Peter Cracow	Jan 2, 11, 04:46 #18
he says when polish men fall in love they want to get married quickly Be careful Caz. He lied you. Come to Poland. Meet his family. Meet his friends. Find his status. Don't hurry. A self-sufficient person don't need a marriage to live with somebody.

trevorisimoThreads: 2 Posts: 30 Joined: Jul 20, 08 ♂	Jan 8, 11, 21:27 #19
Im Irish and got married to my Polish wife in September but we have been dating for 5 years and I just proposed last May. Its the same all around the world, you have to date in my opinion for a minimum of 1.5 years before any serious commitment can be made. You need to live with him to see his habits, see if he is a drinker or has some hidden agenda, dont rush into it luvy

podstawek

Jan 8, 11, 21:53 #20

caz,

This is not a Polish/Irish issue. This is a human relationship issue. He may be an honest person, or he may want to use you. Both types of men are here in Poland and there in Ireland. You must use your best judgement. The very fact that you are asking means that there is doubt in you. If there is -- just tell him everything you wrote here publicly. If you are afraid to do that, then it means your relationship is immature, and that should give you a clue.

Adam (Polish -- but it really does not matter; this question has nothing to do with nationality)

AlbanaichThreads: 4 Posts: 45 Joined: Nov 6, 09 ♂	Jan 18, 11, 23:24 #21
They are both Roman Catholic based cultures (especially as you are older rather than younger) . . . . . if there are difficulties they much more likely to be personal than cultural. Just treat him like an Irish guy. The priest told him exactly the same stuff when he was a kid, he's got all the same imprinting as Irish guys, that's the way he was brought up.

Bozenia1	Feb 24, 11, 12:13 #22
He wants your money!

samsamThreads: - Posts: 1 Joined: Apr 30, 11 ♂	Apr 30, 11, 03:00 #23
i am sam i am from holland i am looking woman to love me like polish wife weel wi msn contact address tu_pac@hotmail.com tender goodbye

Mateusz_A TyThreads: - Posts: 13 Joined: Apr 30, 11 ♂	Apr 30, 11, 14:53 #24
It's not common to get married fast... Anyways, I'm 19 and i've been dating my girlfriend since we were 17. I'm proposing in May. :) :)

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