worriedanita:
Hi,
Possibly not the place to be asking for advice but as I'm persistently told that my problem is cultural, here goes.
I have been living with a Polish man for the last two years, I speak Polish , have met the family and get on reasonably well with MOST of the Poles locally.
The first couple of months were great, liked the people I met, loved being with my partner. around the third month I was introduced to a group of people who my partner said were friends, but can't say I liked them, they drank very heavily, swore a great deal and the females were very hostile. My partner then announced that he had drink problems????
I had not ANY evidence of this previously. The next 12/15 months were fine except we only seemed to mix with this crowd, he didn't seem to contact his nicer friends. My partner didn't drink very heavily just cider at weekends and vodka about every 6 weeks or so. I always accompanied him to these friends so he didn't drink much, there were a lot of comments about 'being under the thumb'. In Oct my partner's 21 year old nephew came to live with us, nice lad but like any lad that age he likes his fun. since his arrival my partner disappears with his nephew for hours on end, despite saying they will only be 30mins and never rings to say he's going to be late, despite constant requests to do so.
The alcohol levels have increased and they spend all their time with the heavy drinking mob. I never get asked to accompany him any more.
I have discussed this with both the nephew and my partner, both seem to blame each other but the nephew recognises that it's a big problem now.
To make things worse one of the female drinkers split with her boyfriend and now she and her parents want my partner to move in with them??????
This girl constantly texts and phones asking my partner and nephew to go drinking somtimes 20/30 times a night, she has offered them both ( together and alone) sex and has asked both to move in and even said she'd marry my partner????? My partner doesn't hide any of this stuff with the girl neither does the nephew.
Every time i try to discuss this with my partner I get the usual rubbish about how it’s part of Polish culture to drink heavily, for women to try and pinch other women’s men and to ruthlessly chase blokes. Apparently Polish women understand all this and can cope with it.
After weeks of this rubbish I finally snapped when my partner and nephew came back drunk. My partner punched the nephew really badly, broke the door and spilt soup every where including over himself! The nephew is now living away with my family
and the partner has been thrown out, he went straight to the heavy drinking mob.
My partner’s family worried and so am I, I have all his stuff at my house and I can’t contact him as his phone was broken in the fight with the nephew so he threw it down the drain.
I don’t know what to do as his drinking mates threatened me when I enquired after him. Please tell me that this is a purely personality problem not a cultural issue.
I can’t have a relationship with some one who’s culture accepts this kind of behaviour as normal, and I can’t believe this is true ?
