Maintenance for child born between irish/polish parents.

MEMBER ♀

Aug 16, 10, 01:23 #31

inka622:

He has phoned me 12 times in the past 5 days asking me to help him with paperwork that he does not understand.

give him some bad advice just for a laugh. he says he wishes you aborted your child and he has the cheek to ring you up asking for help????? he knows what english words to choose in order to hurt you and your son but not the ones he needs to fill out forms? no chance in hell that i would even consider picking up the phone when he rings, just get the legal team to work on your case asap and forget trying to be nice in order to change things. by the sounds of it he's just a 'sperm donor' and the only good thing that came out of your relationship is your son so stop thinking about being fair to him when it comes to getting child support off him. as much as you love your son he is a lifelong responsibility for YOU now and if that scumbag doesn't want to participate in the upbringing of his own flesh and blood then he certainly doesn't deserve for you to take pity on him. your son doesn't need a 'father figure' like that in his life.

as Poland is in the EU now he can't just escape there and disappear, if he can't pay the child support the state should give it to you and send that tosser to jail.

HarryThreads: 62 Posts: 8,508 Joined: May 2, 07 ♂ [Suspended]	Aug 16, 10, 02:52 #32
inka622: But he is here in Ireland. If he moves back to Poland and Im in Ireland does he still have to pay if he isnt working? (or doesnt declare that he is working) He still has to pay up. No matter which country he's in and no matter whether he claims to have a job or not. But please: get a lawyer. And stop speaking to that arssehole, nothing good will come from doing that.

f stopThreads: 33 Posts: 2,861 Joined: Dec 9, 09 ♀	Aug 16, 10, 03:51 #33
I say forget the guy and do the best you can. If you go after the support, his family might convince him to get visitation, get involved in the child's life and you'll have more headaches than the money is worth.

♀

Aug 16, 10, 07:41 #34

JustysiaS:

no chance in hell that i would even consider picking up the phone when he rings

I have answered the phone but I flat out refused to help him. His paperwork is not my responsibility. Im sure he can find some other idiot to help him. The strange thing is, that he has no friends. He has burnt every bridge with a lot of people because of his attitude.
Did I mention that he is never wrong? And it is always someone elses fault when f**ks up. That giving apologies is a no no for him.

JustysiaS:

he knows what english words to choose in order to hurt you and your son but not the ones he needs to fill out forms?

He knows every word to cut me when he wants (Verbally abuse any mothers child and its going to get a reaction, he knows that that is how to get to me) but as you pointed out, his english is not good enough to fill in forms.

JustysiaS:

if that scumbag doesn't want to participate in the upbringing of his own flesh and blood then he certainly doesn't deserve for you to take pity on him.

Trust me, I have no pity for him. Im so happy that he is out of my life. The egg shells under my feet suddenly disappeared. And I have started to enjoy life again. But I do not think that he should not have to support his baby.

f stop:

I say forget the guy and do the best you can. If you go after the support, his family might convince him to get visitation, get involved in the child's life and you'll have more headaches than the money is worth.

I would never stop him seeing his son whether he paid child support or not. But I am certain that visitation/custody is not going to be an issue. Our son is 9 months old and he has never given a feed, never changed a nappy and never spent more than 20 minutes alone with his son (his choice, not mine). That is not going to change now that we are seperated.

♂

Edited by: skysoulmate Aug 16, 10, 08:33 #35

Inka - I sincerely sympathize with your plight and hope for the very best for you and your baby and yes, for the baby's father too (for him to realize how wrong he is). He seems to be a total jerk and I'm sorry it took this long to realize it.

However, your postings are very quickly turning from someone who's asking for advice to someone who hates. Remember that hate eats people from inside out. So do what you can to get the money your child needs but stop yourself when your angers is spilling over, it will change you as a person and yes, your child will notice that too. Just my take on it and again I truly hope you will get all the advice and help you can get, just try to keep your emotions out of it (I know it's very hard) because he simply isn't worth you and your child deserves so much more.

♀

Aug 16, 10, 09:20 #36

skysoulmate:

your postings are very quickly turning from someone who's asking for advice to someone who hates.

Thank you Skysoulmate. I dont hate him. And I dont mean for my postings to seem that way. I was simply replying to responses that I got here.
I have no emotions towards him other than pure disappointment and sadness that he has chosen to take the path that he has (and taking that path 9 months after his son was born shows exactly how cold his heart is)
I am still looking for advice on the subject and I appreciate every response, The positive and negative ones.
I do intend seeking legal advice on the matter. And will take the advice and course that my council gives me.
In the meantime, I am enjoying my life, enjoying my son. And you are right, my son deserves so much better. He is a little miracle and has brought me so much joy. So you will understand that it amazes me that his father does not see him in the same light as I do. (probably not uncommon but very strange to me)

Thank you again for your response.

♂

Aug 16, 10, 09:40 #37

inka622:

Thank you Skysoulmate. I dont hate him. And I dont mean for my postings to seem that way. I was simply replying to responses that I got here.
I have no emotions towards him other than pure disappointment and sadness that he has chosen to take the path that he has (and taking that path 9 months after his son was born shows exactly how cold his heart is)
I am still looking for advice on the subject and I appreciate every response, The positive and negative ones.
I do intend seeking legal advice on the matter. And will take the advice and course that my council gives me.
In the meantime, I am enjoying my life, enjoying my son. And you are right, my son deserves so much better. He is a little miracle and has brought me so much joy. So you will understand that it amazes me that his father does not see him in the same light as I do. (probably not uncommon but very strange to me)

Thank you again for your response.

Based on your first post I knew you had it in you. Yeah focus on getting the child support, (ok child maintenance for you anglophiles :) and put him in your past, that's where he belongs, every time you think of him he's stealing your time from you. He's shortchanging you and his kid but one day he'll realize he shortchanged himself the very most. A sad excuse for a man.

♂

Aug 26, 10, 20:31 #38

f stop:

I say forget the guy and do the best you can. If you go after the support, his family might convince him to get visitation, get involved in the child's life and you'll have more headaches than the money is worth.

Under Irish law a father has to go to court just to get visitation rights. The mother has all the power. Fathers never get custody. It is very unfair (except in this case).

Inka: Change your number, get a barring order on this clown and have you solicitor inform him that he is never to contact you again. Go to court and get a judge to make a maintenance judgment against him, it is enforceable anywhere in the EU. If he quits his job he is the only one that will suffer.

AvalonThreads: 3 Posts: 814 Joined: Sep 11, 07 ♂	Aug 26, 10, 21:58 #39
inka622 Did I mention that he is never wrong? And it is always someone elses fault when f**ks up. That giving apologies is a no no for him. He is not the only one, here in Poland its a normal reaction, everyone else is to blame. I cannot believe how hard it is for a Polish person to say sorry!!!!, its always excuses.

JustysiaSThreads: 15 Posts: 2,869 Joined: Oct 14, 07 MEMBER ♀	Aug 27, 10, 00:04 #40
Avalon: He is not the only one, here in Poland its a normal reaction, everyone else is to blame. I cannot believe how hard it is for a Polish person to say sorry!!!!, its always excuses. Polish men are very much like that, they can't even take man jokes lol (i'm happy to say sorry - if i'm wrong ;-D)

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Sep 1, 10, 18:57 #41

irishlodz:

Under Irish law a father has to go to court just to get visitation rights. The mother has all the power. Fathers never get custody. It is very unfair (except in this case).

I have never stopped him seeing his son. I try to encourage him to see him. But he has no interest.
I had our son christened recently, he was refusing up until the day of the christening to attend. That was the second time he had seen our son since our split. The 3rd time he saw him was the next day when he arrived at my house, spent 5 mins with his son and then tucked into the beer that was left over. After a few cans he started to verbally abuse me and He left when the beer was gone.

Since that day I have stopped answering his calls.

I believe that my only option now is to let the courts decide whats best as I do not have the emotional or mental strength to deal with him anymore. I have no interest in listening to his rantings and even if I did, they would make no sense to me as I do not think that he is thinking in the best interest of our son. Just his own best interest.

Thank you everyone for all your advice and views. Please continue to give me advice as all of it has been of great use to me so far.

♀

Sep 1, 10, 22:38 #42

inka622:

Since that day I have stopped answering his calls.

Good move, now get on the phone to the CSA (Im assuming they have that in Ireland?) and start the ball rolling...You have been reasonable, in fact I'd say too bloody reasonable (he's a low life!), now its time to take some action and make him realise that there are consequencies for his actions - if he does dissapear to back to Poland, remember you have been told that any court actions pertaining to him owning your child money will follow him there - he can run but he cant hide :D

One more bit of advice, find a nice Irish man...They're better looking (IMO) and know the craic!

milkyThreads: 10 Posts: 1,229 Joined: Oct 26, 09 ♀	Edited by: milky Sep 1, 10, 22:48 #43
If he goes back to Poland, at the most he will have to pay a percentage of his income,so he may only have to pay about 30 euro a week max. If he pays rent and is on a typical crap Polish wage, he will not be even worth chasing for the money, it would be buttons in Ireland.

AmathystThreads: 30 Posts: 3,968 Joined: Nov 10, 06 ♀	Sep 1, 10, 22:49 #44
milky: If he goes back to Poland, at the most he will have to pay a percentage of his income,so he may only have to pay about 30 euro a week max. He's paying fek all at the moment so its more than the baby gets now..besides, I dont think you're getting the point milky, its not really about the money, its about him being responsible and acknowledging his son.

milkyThreads: 10 Posts: 1,229 Joined: Oct 26, 09 ♀	Edited by: milky Sep 1, 10, 22:56 #45
Maintenance for child born between irish/polish parents. This is what the heading says. So money is the issue,this guy has and is a runner. At the most he will be means tested and forced to pay what he can afford. Which would be buttons and not worth a sh1t in Ireland. Maybe it would pay for 3 days nappies. Sorry for sounding grim but i have a point. I think you know well what i mean

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Sep 4, 10, 08:56 #46

milky:

Maintenance for child born between irish/polish parents.
This is what the heading says. So money is the issue,this guy has and is a runner.
At the most he will be means tested and forced to pay what he can afford. Which would be buttons and not worth a sh1t in Ireland. Maybe it would pay for 3 days nappies. Sorry for sounding grim but i have a point. I think you know well what i mean

You are right Milky, you do have a very valid point and I know how bad the pay is in Poland. And yes the issue is maintenance. The reason that I asked the question in the first place was because he flat out told me to take him to court for it, (even though I never asked him for anything). He told me that he would run and hide (impossible, I know). He also told me that he would give up working to get out of paying it (a crazy statement if ever there was one). I am not trying to milk him of every penny but his attitude is such that I am incensed enough to take him to court for maintenance.
As for whether he could afford to pay, I know full well that he can. He owns 2 homes in Poland which he rents out, has a very good, well paid Job here in Ireland (which I got for him through a close friend) and if he moves back to Poland he has very good job prospects with one of his friends there.
He is just a man who believes that since I was the one to give birth to our baby then it is my full responsibility to provide for our baby. He is also a man who believes that I am stupid enough to believe everything he tells me without checking the facts for myself.
His attitude is one of bullying. He doesnt want to part with money but in saying that, I do not want his money if he will be a responsible parent to our son. Play a part in his upbringing. Share the responsibility. (even joint custody is an option if he so wishes, I would never stop him from seeing and spending time with his son). However he also does not want to share his time.
Please do not get me wrong. I am not angry or being vindictive in this matter. It is purely just a case of me being dumbfounded that he can reject his son so quickly and easily. And that I believe that he should help with the upbringing of his son without question.
Am I wrong to think that?

milkyThreads: 10 Posts: 1,229 Joined: Oct 26, 09 ♀	Sep 4, 10, 10:07 #47
inka622: dumbfounded Dont be, it happens all the time. I think there are new EU laws coming in or already in, that help people with your situation. I heard about it on the radio a couple of months back. Even a good job in Poland can be sh1t pay so you may get very very little, but if he has 2 houses in his own name you may be on to something. BTW He sounds like a b0lox.

inka622Threads: 9 Posts: 45 Joined: Aug 12, 10 ♀	Sep 4, 10, 10:34 #48
milky: but if he has 2 houses in his own name you may be on to something. I dont want his houses. I just want him to grow up and be responsible. Share the responsibility. I dont think that will ever happen though. At least not willingly.

♂

Sep 4, 10, 10:42 #49

inka622:

I am Irish and very recently broke up with my polish boyfriend after 3 years together. We have a 9 month old son together. During the break up he admitted to me that I should have had an abortion as he never wanted our son. He also said that he is not going to support our son willingly and to take him to court if I wanted maintenance from him. I replied that I might just do that, to which he replied that he would move back to Poland and that Polish law was such that I would get nothing from him.

sad story. im sorry that youve ever met this worthless polish cvnt. i believe your kid will give you lots of happiness and love.

inka622Threads: 9 Posts: 45 Joined: Aug 12, 10 ♀	Sep 4, 10, 12:37 #50
McCoy: sad story. im sorry that youve ever met this worthless polish cvnt. i believe your kid will give you lots of happiness and love. Not too sad of a story McCoy. Im not sorry I met him. I got a Beautiful son out of our relationship. The only good thing to come out of it all. And he is already bringing me lots of happiness and love.

♀

Sep 4, 10, 13:55 #51

Inka-
Don't waste another breath or a minute of your time on this sub-human excuse for a man.
He is not a man - you were his plaything and now he doesn't want to take any responsibility.
He is not simply worth it. MOVE ON.

If you take him to court for maintenance payments, he will have rights to your son. Remember he wanted the child ABORTED. Think what kind of low-life this sad excuse for a man is.
Bring the child up by yourself.

If you allow this missing-link sub-human to infest your life again, you will be worse off.
Men like that should have their ba..s cut off so he never does it to another girl.
Don't beg him for anything - he had his choice. He will want to know his son one day - but show him the door.
Tell your son (when he is old enough) that his real Dad wanted him aborted.

Men like that give the ones who are decent a bad name. What a sad reflection on today's society - Lots of pleasure - but ZERO responsibility. Sad, but true.

♂ [Moderator]

Sep 4, 10, 14:36 #52

terri:

Don't waste another breath or a minute of your time on this sub-human excuse for a man.

there must have been something between the OP and this man. Just continue the dialogue through a lawyer.

terri:

you were his plaything

before conception this may have worked both ways

terri:

If you take him to court for maintenance payments, he will have rights to your son. Remember he wanted the child ABORTED. Think what kind of low-life this sad excuse for a man is.

taking him to court is on behalf of the child. one has to pay to live in this world and the child has no means of income.

he may have a change of opinion and come to love his child, but it is the child who will decide if he (the father) should be included in his (the child's) life

terri:

If you allow this missing-link sub-human to infest your life again, you will be worse off.

if he is interested and keeps to an arrangement then things may be to the child's benefit.
if he doesn't show up the child will have at least 90% of the story.

terri:

Tell your son (when he is old enough) that his real Dad wanted him aborted.

there is no need to do this. we have no idea what the future holds and putting this barrier in the way will not help.

every thing is about the welfare and upbringing of the child. the parent's problems should be kept apart from this.

making this guy out to be an evil bastard is not going to help anybody involved. sensible dialogue about raising a child and responsibility are the way forward. but do it through a lawyer and the court system. that way the mother should get some peace of mind. And the child needs the door open in case he ever wants to meet his father.

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Sep 14, 10, 23:00 #53

terri:

Tell your son (when he is old enough) that his real Dad wanted him aborted.

Oh I would never ever tell my son that. And I would kill his father if he ever told him that.
I dont want my son to be bitter towards his father. Whatever problems that we need to deal with as his parents I would like my son to have a healthy and happy relationship with his father. That has nothing to do with maintenance as my son is not pay per view.

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Edited by: f stop Sep 15, 10, 01:07 #54

Few contradicting things I believe:
1. insisting that he pays will not make his relationship with his child better. From what you write about the guy, worse, more likely. There will probably be times when you'll have to re-inforce the order, and the child will be reminded that the father was forced into 'caring'.
2. insisting that he pays is really your duty, even I you just put that money in the bank for the child's future use. I hate that one, but it's true.
3. insisting that he pays will prolong the torture of putting up with the jerk. But, I'm not sure what to think of the fact that he thinks you can help him with some papers. It looks like you didn't make it clear enough that if he does not help you with the child, he has no right to ask you for anything. Promoting a happy and healthy relationship with his father does not mean he can waltz in and out of your flat. Next time he comes, phone for a friend, neighbor or a family member to come over.

♂

Jan 8, 11, 21:51 #55

I read on a forum some kind of similar story. Basically the story went like this:-
Irish lad dating polish girl for 6 months, she got pregnant, had the baby and returned to poland without him know she returned for good, then suddenly when the baby was born he had the solicitors in Poland on him demanding 300 per month maintenence.

Basically you can get maintenance off him but you need to get a solicitor who knows polish law, you can google some polish solicitors on good 'notariusz w irlandii' or something like that.

Hope that helps.

sharonmac

Apr 15, 11, 03:17 #56

Soory to hear what has happened but just to let you know Polish guy has done same to me! todl me he would disappear if i go to court he is in U.k and at first he promised to support me ! Its not just about he money ! I still can't understand how a father can walk out on a child without sseing them ,supporting them emotionally and finacially .I've really taken as a fool by this guy .He is also using same storey about not paying if i take him to court saying i am using my daughter seriously they should of kept the Berlin Wall UP. then i never would of meet the Polish rat. Anyway just to let you know your not alone i've been had by a Polish guy! Im going to solicitor as a matter of principle .sorry for my rant. take care and good luck. just go through courts don't communicate with him. and know your rights.

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