Maintenance & Rights: Polish mother & child in Poland, Irish father in the UK

Monia	Jul 13, 11, 11:49 #31
delphiandomine: This guy might be able to do the job - a paralegal will be cheaper than a proper lawyer, yet he'll probably be able to do the same job anyway. No way , he has got no qualifications , unless he will send you to his friendly company in Poland .

Monia	Jul 13, 11, 12:00 #32
PM me I will give you valuable informations ( I am a lawyer based in Warsaw , BTW )

frustratedThreads: 1 Posts: 8 Joined: Jul 12, 11 ♂	Jul 13, 11, 12:26 #33
Out of curiosity, what happens if I ignore any summons from Poland? The first hearing is on 19th July, yet I only received the letter yesterday although it does say I don't have to be present...

delphiandomineThreads: 42 Posts: 9,954 Joined: Nov 25, 08 ♂ [Suspended]	Jul 13, 11, 12:37 #34
frustrated: Out of curiosity, what happens if I ignore any summons from Poland? You might very well find that a warrant is put out for your extradition as a result. Or, is as more likely, they'll decide in your absence and enforce the judgement in a UK court.

frustratedThreads: 1 Posts: 8 Joined: Jul 12, 11 ♂	Jul 13, 11, 12:42 #35
delphiandomine: You might very well find that a warrant is put out for your extradition as a result. Or, is as more likely, they'll decide in your absence and enforce the judgement in a UK court. Meaning what? That bailiffs would turn up at my door looking for the value of the award?

♂

Jul 13, 11, 12:44 #36

frustrated.....I am sorry to be so blunt....but.....without the irrevocable proof by means of a DNA paternity test stating you are the father.....what in the blue blazes are you doing???

Is there something you are not telling us? I mean, you are acting like a lamb to the slaughter.

If the little girl is yours then yes.....you do the right thing...of course you do.

BUT....

You have to have it proven beyond all doubt that you are the father and should have been your first course of action.

You say it was a one night stand (at least that's what you intimate in your initial post) and that you wore protection.....well hello....the odds of her getting pregnant first time are quite low and if you wore protection then the odds are even lower.

Studies show that condoms can be as much as 97% effective at preventing pregnancy when they are used properly. Improper use or failure lowers that to around 86%. I am not a betting man but i'd definitely have a punt on you not being the father.

On picking up that phone the very first time....the first thing I'd have responded with would have been....PROVE IT!!!

I am a stand up guy and would NEVER dream of shirking my responsibilities but if things are as they say you are then you are need to wake up.

It's sad that the girl may potentially grow up without a father BUT if it turns out you are not the father then that is the position her mother put her in not you and you should not feel any guilt as a result.

♂

Edited by: frustrated Jul 13, 11, 13:02 #37

EdWilczynski:

You say it was a one night stand (at least that's what you intimate in your initial post) and that you wore protection.....well hello....the odds of her getting pregnant first time are quite low and if you wore protection then the odds are even lower.

It was over the course of a few weeks and I believed that I was the only person seeing her and had no reason to dis-trust her at the time. The girl does look a bit like me but yes you need 100% proof for which I am making enquiries now - it is difficult being in two different countries and obviously her mother has to carry out her duty and do it properly at her end.

I take on board your other comments. I now have a list of lawyer names from Poland (but can't find any in the exact city/region that I need) and a couple of contacts here in the UK for initial advice but any more details greatly appreciated. So as you can see, I'm not shirking responsibilities but want to know ALL the implications; I never wanted to be in a legal situation as I believe it will harm the child and was doing the right thing in terms of providing money and clothes, but it seems that is not enough for this greedy lay-about.

♂ [Suspended]

Edited by: Harry Jul 13, 11, 13:35 #38

frustrated:

That bailiffs would turn up at my door looking for the value of the award?

In a nutshell, yes, eventually.

frustrated:

Out of curiosity, what happens if I ignore any summons from Poland?

The court hears only one side of the story and makes its decision on the basis of that information. So you are rather likely to get screwed right over.

frustrated:

I now have a list of lawyer names from Poland (but can't find any in the exact city/region that I need

Which city/region do you need? Send me that by PM if you need to.

Monia:

I am a lawyer based in Warsaw , BTW

Which would explain your excellent knowledge of libel law. Care for a chance to learn much much more about it?

♂

Jul 13, 11, 14:02 #39

frustrated:

I'd rather skip the country or move on so she can't trace me than pay her a penny directly or pay the money into a trust fund or pay directly for receipted purchases...

Some day you will have to face the demons, you can't run forever. Frustrated, focus on establishing if you are the father of this child, the answer is in the tests, not on this forum, I wish all four all you good luck and hope you resolve the situation.

Midas:

I'm afraid You'll find plenty of crusading male Polish white knights

frustrated, does not even know if he is the father or not, so how can you be so sure the Polish mother is at fault.

♂

Jul 13, 11, 15:38 #40

frustrated, does not even know if he is the father or not, so how can you be so sure the Polish mother is at fault.

I'm with EdWilczynski on that one - my bet would be that he's not the father, based on the facts of the case ( contraception in place, mommy most likely being a slut, etc. ).

So I don't really get why comments that he described as cynical and sarcastic were thrown at him on p.1, especially since he coughed up the dough right away once she asked for it. Hence the part about crusading knights.

Many guys wouldn't pay her a penny without a paternity test, it is as simple as that.

Ages ( I do mean ages ago, pretty sure that DNA testing wasn't available back then ) I had a girl point a finger at me in such a case. She was what I'd call a "fun loving type" and I probably placed rather close to the top of the list of possible daddies if analysed from the perspective of annual income.

Told her I'll gladly fulfill any and all responsiblities IF I'm the father. Otherwise she can go and pound sand.

She wasn't all that happy with the answer, but I stuck to my guns never heard from her ever again.

Paternity fraud is real people, please take that into account.

♂

Edited by: mafketis Jul 13, 11, 17:36 #41

frustrated:

the mother and her family totally shunned my girlfriend but she was there to support ME

What this tells me (with some experience of Polish ways): They hoped that you would show up by yourself, fall in love with a charming baby girl (whether or not she's yours at that age she's bound to be adorable) and offer to marry the mother. It doesn't make much sense but I'd bet a lot of money that was the plan. If nothing else the girl's mother would like the respectability of a married daughter with child and I wouldn't be surprised if she would like her out of the house too.

frustrated:

I believed that I was the only person seeing her

First mistake. Never believe that again (without very strong evidence).

Midas:

Paternity fraud is real people, please take that into account.

Yes. There is no shortage of women who can self-justify exploiting some guy economically for years or decades even to support a child that isn't his. I'm not saying all (or even most) women are like that but there are enough of women who are that men need to be super careful and only extend trust when it's well earned. What has this woman ever done that the OP should trust her?

Another wild guess on my part. The woman knows (or strongly suspects) who the father is and knows she can't get money from him and so she chose t sleep with the OP guy early in her pregnancy based on similar looks...

♂

Edited by: Midas Jul 13, 11, 18:50 #42

What this tells me (with some experience of Polish ways): They hoped that you would show up by yourself, fall in love with a charming baby girl (whether or not she's yours at that age she's bound to be adorable) and offer to marry the mother. It doesn't make much sense but I'd bet a lot of money that was the plan. If nothing else the girl's mother would like the respectability of a married daughter with child and I wouldn't be surprised if she would like her out of the house too.

Too true.

Smells like a rather manipulative Polish mum raised in the communist era, a henpecked husband and their assumption that even while he's been gone for a year he's still much better than any local suitors through the sheer virtue of being Irish/foreign.

And right into this brilliant plan barges in our dashing young Irishman with a new girlfriend in tow. I can't even begin to imagine how miffed his baby mama's mum was, especially if his new GF was pretty :-).

RebirthThreads: 7 Posts: 161 Joined: Jun 20, 11 ♂ [Suspended]	Jul 13, 11, 19:25 #43
JonnyM: Any statistics for that? There is plenty of anecdotal evidence from many people confirming it's true. As for statistics, Slavic immigrants make up the highest percentage of prostitutes in western European countries.

JonnyMThreads: 16 Posts: 4,487 Joined: Mar 9, 11 ♂	Jul 13, 11, 20:11 #44
Rebirth: There is plenty of anecdotal evidence from many people confirming it's true. As for statistics, Slavic immigrants make up the highest percentage of prostitutes in western European countries. So in fact nonsense. AQnd no suggestion that the OP's ex-girlfriend was on the game.

manali23

Nov 21, 11, 13:18 #45

join the club, I'm a Brit in PL, been to court for contact and money, going again soon, it's a mess, as foreigners we are treated badly and as men we are treated worse. I had free lawyer as I had no money. Always expect the worse and be prepared for many years in court if you have to go that way. I tried to avoid it but failed, My son's mum wants a free life and doesn't care who she hurts to get it.

Join my cause please guys .facebook.com/pages/Fathers-who-care/323284167946

manali23

Nov 21, 11, 13:27 #46

Monia

Hey I see you are lawyer, may I ask for some advice? I have been to court once for alimenty and currently pay 350, I pay for a flat I don't live in so I can see my son for 12 hours a month with the Curator, when I ask her if my son needs anything, she either doesn't reply or says he needs nothing. I also have to pay for taxis so they can visit me which costs 200 a month, plus I have to pay for the flat I live in with my girlfriend. The mother of my son makes excuses why she can't come to the meetings agreed in court. Currently I pay 1200 a month just to see my son of which my son only gets 350, she wants me to see my son at her place but we cannot get on as she is very angry and believes I should go back to the UK and just send her cash without seeing my son. Already it has been 3 years and I foresee many sad years to come.
Any advice please?

♂

Nov 21, 11, 17:25 #47

Currently I pay 1200 a month just to see my son of which my son only gets 350

Get a good, Polish lawyer who operates an active family practice within the jurisdiction of the court that is ruling in the case.

Because you really are just getting shafted, big time.

The mother of my son makes excuses why she can't come to the meetings agreed in court.

A friend of mine who was married to a Polish girl did not see his daughter for 8 months, despite court ordered dates and so on.

Reason?

His daughter was supposedly sick EVERY time it was his day to see her. For 8 months in a row. Doctor signed off on it every time ( co-incidentally, getting a fake sickie from a family doctor in Poland costs around 30 pounds ).

Things did not move forward until he got a better ( expensive ) lawyer.

ryan123	Feb 22, 12, 22:47 #48
What is the latest?

♀

Feb 22, 12, 23:49 #49

frustrated:

I'd rather skip the country or move on so she can't trace me than pay her a penny directly or pay the money into a trust fund or pay directly for receipted purchases...

Wow, I really cannot believe that you feel that way. And, if your girlfriend knows you feel that way, she's a real winner too. Way to "man up". Btw, good luck skipping the country bc most countries have extradiction laws that will take your pay and send it to the CHILD anyway.

Also, child support and "access" as you call it, are completely seperate. Clothing, books, etc., if that's your child and you want a relationship with them, are and should be imo, beyond child support. Poland's laws favor the mother, as it rightly should. Because that's more likely to favor the child. And if you didn't sign a birth certificate, no you don't get to choose the name, where the child lives, etc. Plus, if you feel that way that you just said above, you don't sound like a committed loving father to have the right to have say in that sort of thing anyway.

DNA testing should be done first, of course. But other than that, if you are the father, get a lawyer but as a woman, I have no sympathy. Sex every time can lead to pregnancy. They teach you that in middle school. And children deserve child support.

Marriage is temporary but parenting a child bonds two people together. Suck it up and don't sleep with anyone unless you are prepared to be a man and care for the baby for the rest of your life.

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