Malaysian Girl with Polish Guy... any chance together?

niana

Dec 25, 11, 15:32 #1

I met this guy a couple months ago when I was working in US. We had a really great time together during weekends. He mentioned that again and again. I thought he was serious about our relationship but he said he doesn't want any relationship. It really hurts me because I love him even until now.

He never had a girlfriend before. He's kinda freak lonely guy and I'm the opposite. I thought it was just him who afraid of relationship. I tried to understand that but I just can't. My heart is broken. Last week, i left US. I decided to move back and try to get him off my mind. I just can't understand what's going on in his mind. I know that I'm the only girl who closed enough to his life but he choose to live alone rather than accept me.

Is that because I'm Asian? I'm Malaysian and Muslim. I don't wear hijab or things like that but I can't drink too much. It's more about my health issue and not religious. We went to bar many times but I can't drink as much as other people. I can't eat pork too and most Polish foods has pork in it.

Is that the reasons he rejected me?

ceper	Dec 25, 11, 19:17 #2
niana: Malaysian Girl with Polish Guy... any chance together? That's the beauty of any relationship, it's what the two of you make of it not who or what you are as individuals. Best of luck.

Gruffi_GummiThreads: 1 Posts: 167 Joined: Jul 2, 11 ♂	Dec 25, 11, 20:15 #3
niana I am Polish, my wife is an ethnic Chinese. I can tell you with a substantial certainty that there are no fundamental, cultural factors preventing Poles from developing inter-racial or inter-faith relationships. Cultural differences do exist, but their impact is minor. Maybe he just wanted to live alone? All the best to you.

♂

Dec 25, 11, 20:46 #4

My wife is a South Korean ... and I'm a Polish from Lodz.

I don't think your racial or any other factor really did push him away. Plus, dont say he "Rejected" you. Maybe he had other issues with himself... maybe he felt attracted to your East Asian appeal, and it is nice that he mentioned such nice things to you. Probably he was attracted to you, but there are things other than those merely visible to the naked eye. Maybe he has issues with coming too close to someone, and prefers not to be hurt and rather live alone.

As you say, you are very social and very frank ... maybe because he is more of an introvert, he felt that you two would not be comfortable in the long run. Or that he might not be able to keep you happy with himself.

Its all maybes ... but one thing for sure....if he said so many nice things to you, he meant them... and there are reasons which only he knows due to which he chose to move away and not push forward a relationship which to him might not have worked for you, rather than for him. He can be wrong, but humans make mistakes.

Warm wishes... and I've landed on to Malaysia, which is a beautiful country with lovely people.

niana	Dec 26, 11, 00:18 #5
thank you

narnia

Dec 26, 11, 00:57 #6

Lodz_The_Boat:

maybe he felt attracted

I know he likes me and there is no other girls in his life. One time I lied, I told him that I have a date and he said he slightly jealous. It's hard for me to understand him. We like each other, why can't we just together.

I think I'm pretty good in learning other cultures. I also learned his culture too. One day I cooked croquette and goulash to impress him. He loved it. I tried to fit with his Polish friends but it didn't work well. It's hard for me since I cant drink. I just ended up watching them partying. Maybe his friends didn't like me. I'm Muslim and Asian. Do you think they look down at me?

I will work in Bali next year. I want to invite him to come and spend his birthday there. Do you think its a good idea? I really try to get him off my mind but I cant.
I cant understand how Polish people think about someone like me.

♂

Edited by: Gruffi_Gummi Dec 26, 11, 01:33 #7

Now I am going to make a guess. If you guys come and leave the United States so easily, then I am assuming that your socioeconomic status is relatively high. Scientists? Engineers? Students? Things like real racial prejudices among such people are extremely rare. So, I suggest that you stop worrying about "because I am an Asian".
It's rather a regular boy-girl issue, and one of the possible factors may be that some people cannot properly appreciate things that come their way too easily. Your boyfriend may have such a problem. Inviting him in an "I only moderately care" way would be a good idea. He should chase you, rather than you chase him. (I can't believe I am writing such things; where is my sense of solidarity with other men???).

narnia

Dec 26, 11, 02:56 #8

Gruffi_Gummi:

Now I am going to make a guess. If you guys come and leave the United States so easily, then I am assuming that your socioeconomic status is relatively high. Scientists? Engineers? Students? Things like real racial prejudices among such people are extremely rare. So, I suggest that you stop worrying about "because I am an Asian".
It's rather a regular boy-girl issue, and one of the possible factors may be that some people cannot properly appreciate things that come their way too easily. Your boyfriend may have such a problem. Inviting him in an "I only moderately care" way would be a good idea. He should chase you, rather than you chase him. (I can't believe I am writing such things; where is my sense of solidarity with other men???).

I'm younger several years than him and I think because I'm Malaysian I look so much younger than my real age. Bar waiters always ask my ID and ignore him and his friends.
My friends (from many different cultures) describe me as sweet and cute high school girl because of my girlish face. Wearing sexy night dress also didn't help me to change it.
Is that true that Polish guys prefer older, mature, and sexy girls?

I don't fall easily but apparently its happening. I don't do one night stand and never give my number to any guys I just met. I rejected many guys and I only had one relationship before I met him. It just really hard for me to fall for someone but when it happens i can't control it. And again I fall for the wrong guy. I was a happy single woman before and now my life is just upside down.

Gruffi_Gummi:

He should chase you, rather than you chase him.

I already prepared a trip to Bali for his birthday. I arranged many things that we can do together for several days. Sunbathing, diving, rafting, spa, cruise, etc. I want to send it today so that he can ask days off from his office early. I think you're right! Thanks.. I should stop chasing him. It will scare him. Maybe he's kind of a person who cant appreciate things that come easily. I'm such a mess big mess now. I don't have any European or Polish friends so I'm trying to get a feedback from this forum.
Again, thanks! I really appreciate your comments.

observer	Dec 26, 11, 15:51 #9
As above posters but seriously, I think he is just not that into you. Dont make mistake by misreading mundane actions and comments from him as indications he is romantically interested in you. If a man is interested in a woman, he will overcome any obstacles to ensure they see each other again no matter what.

♀

Dec 27, 11, 07:50 #10

narnia:

I already prepared a trip to Bali for his birthday. I arranged many things that we can do together for several days. Sunbathing, diving, rafting, spa, cruise, etc. I want to send it today so that he can ask days off from his office early.

You should go for it and have fun. You only live once. If you lose him, so what? You'll survive and you'll find someone else. Don't run away from experiencing happiness just because you might get hurt in the end.

♀

Edited by: Mawar Apr 17, 12, 07:37 #11

niana:

Is that because I'm Asian? I'm Malaysian and Muslim. I don't wear hijab or things like that but I can't drink too much. It's more about my health issue and not religious. We went to bar many times but I can't drink as much as other people. I can't eat pork too and most Polish foods has pork in it.

Salam Niana...

Im Malaysian n Muslim too..(plus wearing hijab n im proud of it) i met a wonderful n great polish guy thru the net bout a year ago..since that day weve been talking thru phone n via skype almost everyday..even we are far from each other( im in Malaysia n hes in UK) but i really feel close to him.. He doesnt care if im not eating pork or drink ..Hes very respectful n accept me for who i am.Plus hes coming here to Malaysia to live with me..

We are both planning on getting married end of this year and he willing to convert to Islam n learn to be one Good MUSLIM too..:)

so...if i can have a very happy n great relationship with one polish guy..so do u dear..u need to have more faith n be patience.. :)

observer:

As above posters but seriously, I think he is just not that into you. Dont make mistake by misreading mundane actions and comments from him as indications he is romantically interested in you. If a man is interested in a woman, he will overcome any obstacles to ensure they see each other again no matter what.

Yeah i cant agree more ... Thats how thing shud be.. if that man really into u.. n love u.. he will do everything to make sure hes gonna be with u ..it doesnt matter how ure or who ure.. :)

Good Luck.

vladimir2004

May 5, 12, 23:58 #12

let be honest here... pain full but honest... he might even like you love you maybe,,,, it doesn't matter... believe me or not... his mates laughing their heads off because of hi with you... i now how terrible it must sound,,,, but for them dating Indian or blacks or... its like: cant u afford to be with someone "normal" /in term of culture skin color, origin... are u that desperate, are u disable??/ and so on.... that are the questions they will bombard him with... from one point they all may like you, him the most... but getting into position so he might introduce you for his family statistically speaking is equal to 0 %, They are one of the "cleanest" nation in terms of blood.... extremely proud of being polish... here abroad it might work... there he risk being laugh off... he must be taking this factor onto his account if he keep distance... at least he is honest and don't wanna just use you.

gazowany_smalec

May 6, 12, 00:24 #13

If you need some relationship advice, there's one for that kinda boy's behavior:
Forget about him.

Cause he forgot you already. He's just not that into you.
Sorry for being honest.

Don't try to find any subliminal message in his acts. It's not about where he's come from.
I know personally marriage filipina+polish guy, they get along pretty well. It's not about culture difference, but I agree with vladimir2004, that

here abroad it might work... there he risk being laugh off... he must be taking this factor onto his account if he keep distance... at least he is honest and don't wanna just use you.

In Poland, it's hard to be a foreigner in smaller cities. Society is hermetic. Forget about open-mindness as you saw in America.

jusia9Threads: 2 Posts: 60 Joined: Jan 18, 12 ♀	May 10, 12, 12:54 #14
in our culture boys hunts not girls !! well not so often ... I would say let him ... dont talk to him.... leave him without an explanation ... maybe it will works... Polish guys are like that ... they always love you more if you are a kind of mean girl who doesnt care

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