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POLISH GIRL I REALLY LIKE, BUT she says we have no future


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SV999Threads: 5
Posts: 11
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 21:29    #1
Hello, i have met a polish girl that i have been speaking to on the internet fora few months. We met in Poland & spent 2 happy days together.
She says she really likes me but did not instantly feel in love with me so thinks that we have no future.
I really like her & find that immediate love very rarely happens.
Is this a normal reaction?
Help please, because i really like her
Thanks
PlasticPoleThreads: 10
Posts: 5,433
Joined: May 28, 09 ♀ 		 May 28, 10, 21:31    #2
Sounds like she doesn't love you, so what can you do about it? If a woman doesn't love you, she doesn't love you and that's that. You might want to find another woman who does.
shushThreads: 5
Posts: 552
Joined: Dec 20, 09 ♀ 		 May 28, 10, 21:41    #3
PlasticPole:
If a woman doesn't love you, she doesn't love you and that's that

Painful but true. Get over her, you will only get deeper with feelings and she wont feel anything. Finish now when it's still relatively easy.
Miguel ColombiaThreads: 3
Posts: 711
Joined: Apr 20, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 21:44    #4
SV999:
She says she really likes me but did not instantly feel in love with me so thinks that we have no future.
I really like her & find that immediate love very rarely happens.
Is this a normal reaction?


You are contradicting yourself, young man. Immediate love doesn´t happen. What DOES happen is infatuation at first sight, which is more a process involving hormones and romantic expectations. Now, couples that are based on such principles tend to fail after some time.

I would suggest to stay with her and see how it develops. I think you´re on the good way.
SV999Threads: 5
Posts: 11
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 21:49    #5
i agree that instant infatuation is possible. We both really enjoyed the tome we spent together & we have spoken every day since on phone but she tells me she is very lost with her feelings & needs time.
I completely agree that instant infatuation does not last. But now i do not know what to do.
Should i cut contact & wait to see if she contacts me after she has had the time?
Any polish girls, i would appreciate your thoughts please
Miguel ColombiaThreads: 3
Posts: 711
Joined: Apr 20, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 21:52    #6
SV999:
We both really enjoyed the tome we spent together & we have spoken every day since on phone but she tells me she is very lost with her feelings & needs time.


I am sure you enjoyed "it".

It´s natural she is confused; you have to take into account that you´re living a long distance relationship and that is not easy. IT requires lots of trust and the use of tricks to keep the flame alive.
SV999Threads: 5
Posts: 11
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 21:54    #7
yes, all we did was laugh so much together. She says she trusts me which has built up over the months of speaking on internet & on phone. She says what is making her confused is that she did not feel instant love, like she did with her previous partner. should i just give her the time
Miguel ColombiaThreads: 3
Posts: 711
Joined: Apr 20, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 22:18    #8
SV999:
she did not feel instant love, like she did with her previous partner. should i just give her the time


One big problem in human relationships is expecting too much. Both of you expected too much from your time together and by thinking of what didn´t happen, you ruin the feelings caused by things that DID happen.

Another thing is the definition of love for the two of you. She may have a very idealized perception of love ,while you ,as a man,tend to be more realistic and less romantic than she is.

Stay with her and don´t worry about that. Good things need patience.
SV999Threads: 5
Posts: 11
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 22:25    #9
thank you
wildroverThreads: 180
Posts: 8,188
Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 22:39    #10
Love grows...infatuation dies.....time will soon tell what you have...
Morad83Threads: 3
Posts: 30
Joined: Mar 5, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 22:39    #11
Keep contact if you do it will show her how much you care and are interested in her and after a while she should open up to you :)
TransAtlantykThreads: -
Posts: 33
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 22:52    #12
I was involved in a long-distance relationship of a similar nature for years.

I will offer a few pieces of advice culled from the cold steel of experience: you are embarking on a long, painful, often heart-breaking journey. I know you are now in the throes of new love, but that will turn to old love soon enough - new love can make you do some very stupid, very rash things.

What I am saying is this: give careful consideration about what you are getting involved in and the often head-spinning paper work involved in international relationships if you take it to the next level. I also want you to take into consideration your families. It is a simple fact of physics that you cannot be in two places at once, this means that one of you will always be a great distance from your family - this may not seem like much now, but after years, believe me, it will take its toll on you. If you are not rich and frequent flights home are simply out of the question, depression begins to creep in.

Even if you can conquer this polka and her heart - it doesn't end there. That is just the first step. Don't get in over your head.

From one romantic to another, I wish you the best of luck.
pgtxThreads: 49
Posts: 6,327
Joined: Feb 14, 09  Gold Member MEMBER ♀ 		 May 28, 10, 22:54    #13
TransAtlantyk:
advice culled from the cold steel of experience: you are embarking on a long, painful, often heart-breaking journey.

wow!

TransAtlantyk:
What I am saying is this:

i appreciate the translation...
wildroverThreads: 180
Posts: 8,188
Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 22:59    #14
TransAtlantyk:
and the often head-spinning paper work involved in international relationships if you take it to the next level.


Tell me about it....I am an Englishman living in Poland , in love with a Russian in Moscow..!
king polkakamonThreads: 1
Posts: 1,018
Joined: Dec 30, 09 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 23:01    #15
wildrover:
I am an Englishman living in Poland , in love with a Russian in Moscow..!


I have started to believe that you English have sth shrewd in head it is not everything square.
wildroverThreads: 180
Posts: 8,188
Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂ 		 May 28, 10, 23:17    #16
king polkakamon:
you English have sth shrewd in head it is not everything square.


Noo thats the Germans with the square heads....
CheFinnyThreads: 9
Posts: 57
Joined: Feb 6, 10 ♂ 		 May 29, 10, 09:09    #17
grow up you sigh. You only live once, get her bucked.
warszawskiThreads: 60
Posts: 2,389
Joined: May 21, 10 ♂ 		 May 29, 10, 12:47    #18
SV999:
Hello, i have met a polish girl that i have been speaking to on the internet fora few months. We met in Poland & spent 2 happy days together.


What country are you from and what language did you communicate in?
SV999Threads: 5
Posts: 11
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 29, 10, 13:45    #19
i am from uk but she spoke good english & communication was not a problem
TrevekThreads: 33
Posts: 2,155
Joined: May 21, 08 ♂ 		Edited by: Trevek  May 29, 10, 16:25    #20
TransAtlantyk:
I will offer a few pieces of advice culled from the cold steel of experience: you are embarking on a long, painful, often heart-breaking journey. I know you are now in the throes of new love, but that will turn to old love soon enough - new love can make you do some very stupid, very rash things.


I agree. I had an experience of a girl telling me again and again she wasn't sure. I persevered and she began to come round (I thought), only to continually blow hot and cold, announcing I was dumped a few weeks before I was due to arrive in Poland, then ringing me a couple of days later to say she was wrong (actually, it turned out the guy she'd dumped me for wasn't interested) and then dumping me at the airport when I arrived.

I still stayed with her at her flat for a few days. A month later she was back again and I was stupid enough to go for it (love really does screw with your judgement). Then she later decided we were "not going to be lovers"... probably because she'd been getting it pretty regularly from someone else for the month or two I was in UK. (She's now married to him with a couple of kids).

Seems she was only interested when there was nobody else to pay her attention.

Now, of course, this girl might not be like that at all... BUT if she is saying this then maybe she's been burned before or simply doesn't believe it'll work. She might also get repeatedly cold feet and you are left bitter and frustrated.
SV999Threads: 5
Posts: 11
Joined: May 28, 10 ♂ 		 May 29, 10, 16:34    #21
Well, it is very difficult........we got to know each other well before we met but she said when we met she would know "instantly" if she could fall in love with me. I believe that this instant love is not love at all & rarely lasts. She recently split from a very long term partner & says she is lost. She tells me she really really likes me but does not think this is enough. I think loves grows from within over time & it is more important to really like the person & enjoy spending time with them when you first meet, which we both did. I know i am not in love yet but also know that i have never felt like this about anyone before & she tells me the same. Very difficult to know what to do next!
wildroverThreads: 180
Posts: 8,188
Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂ 		 May 31, 10, 01:36    #22
the instant thing is chemistry , physical attraction...nothing to do with love....

Like you i had a great internet romance going on for six months before the time came to meet this lady for the first time...I was lucky , the love that developed slowly over the months turned into physical attraction too , and we are now planing to get married at some point...

My lady is Russian , not Polish , and i think it helps that we are both old and wise enough not to play silly games with each other...

Your lady seems a bit young mentally and still wants to play head games with you....

Keep looking my friend...the right one is out there somewhere....
SokratesThreads: 19
Posts: 4,464
Joined: Jan 19, 09 ♂ [Suspended] 		 May 31, 10, 01:45    #23
Go medieval on her with a hatchet that'll teach the b*tch.
wildroverThreads: 180
Posts: 8,188
Joined: Jun 7, 07 ♂ 		 May 31, 10, 01:53    #24
but where do you put all the bodies...no good asking me...my farm is full of em....
SokratesThreads: 19
Posts: 4,464
Joined: Jan 19, 09 ♂ [Suspended] 		 May 31, 10, 01:56    #25
wildrover:
but where do you put all the bodies...no good asking me...my farm is full of em....

If you can't stash it, eat it!
SV999:
Should i cut contact & wait to see if she contacts me after she has had the time?

I'm a Polish guy not a Polish girl like you asked for but a good idea might be to loosen the contact a bit, dont be a focking drama queen, dont vanish completely just roll your way and see how she reacts though to be honest it seems pretty straightforward you're just not her type that'll happen ocasionally.
polishcanuckThreads: 10
Posts: 583
Joined: Feb 11, 07 ♂ 		Edited by: polishcanuck  May 31, 10, 05:56    #26
Foreigners falling in love with polish women in Poland: you guys sound like you've never been intimate with a woman before.
These kind of threads and both funny and sad.
NieznajomyThreads: -
Posts: 13
Joined: May 9, 10 ♂ 		 May 31, 10, 09:12    #27
It's something that seems to be endemic to young expat types. I'd see this sort of thing in Japan time and time again. Nothing changes, only the location.
SeanusThreads: 22
Posts: 30,158
Joined: Dec 25, 07 ♂ 		 May 31, 10, 09:29    #28
Good point!! I saw the same and it takes a certain type. Podrywaj± w Polsce i Nihon ni wa nampa dayo. They just chase skirt but are not serious about it. I'm surprised some girls even go near them.
TrevekThreads: 33
Posts: 2,155
Joined: May 21, 08 ♂ 		 May 31, 10, 10:28    #29
polishcanuck:
Foreigners falling in love with polish women in Poland: you guys sound like you've never been intimate with a woman before.


Yeah, we're all so hopeless we have to come to Poland to get a woman!
It's more of the cultural thing. example; the way some guys and girls in UK talk is astonishing to foreigners. Often, when some of my friends have been over in Poland (and I'm talking to them infront of Poles, peoplethink we're about to have a fight! Nothing could be further from the truth. Likewise, social and religious differences can make communication seem more difficult than it needs to be. But we are cautious enough to tread carefully so as not to offend... doesn't always work the other way, tho'.
Miguel ColombiaThreads: 3
Posts: 711
Joined: Apr 20, 10 ♂ 		 May 31, 10, 12:17    #30
Trevek:
Yeah, we're all so hopeless we have to come to Poland to get a woman!


Why do you deny it. YOu know it´s the truth.

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