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Is possible to love someone who you haven't seen?


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PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 21:06    #1
My best friend met some foreigner via net. They know eatch other just one year. As she told me, she talks to him just every day and I see how happy she is. When she tells me something about him her eyes are like sparks. Looks so excited, really. Even they're planing life together. It is annoying a bit because she still didn't meet him and is hard to say how he really is. They plan to meet in summer. I adviced her to be more reasonable, but is hard if heart wants other.. I think that she is in love.. but it is not real love.. can't be in such way. I think. She is really enchanted. I want tell her something, advice her something but it seems I don't have enough reasons.. just every one she abolishs. Maybe you know more? I'm more pessimistic with this.. but who knows, if I'd be in such sittuation, maybe it would happen to me too.

I'd want to know if someone was in such sittuation, loved someone via net (if is possible) and after time or in real this feeling gone? Or is some chance to keep this feeling?
pawianThreads: 90
Posts: 5,415
Joined: May 30, 08  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		 Mar 4, 09, 21:18    #2
She doesn`t love him as a real person yet. She loves the image of him that she created for herself.
JustysiaSThreads: 15
Posts: 2,869
Joined: Oct 14, 07  Pictures: 2  Gold Member MEMBER ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 21:19    #3
internet dating, oh dear. i don't think there is nothing you can do to warn your friend and make her leave this guy alone, she will have to learn the hard way if it all goes wrong and make sure that if that's the case you're always there for her and support her yeah.

a work colleague of mine met a woman on the net 6 months ago, she is all the way up in Scotland and he is in Southern England. anyway he was just as enchanted, sending her gifts, talking everyday. he went to see her 2 weeks ago, they seemed to get on well, and then he came back all miserable and it turned out she dumped him as soon as he left saying her ex is back on the scene. the guy's been used.

i met a guy online when i was 18, we spoke for a few months and got real close, exchanged pics and everything. i invited him over and when i saw him in the flesh i knew instantly i am not attracted to him, he is a creep and like a totally different person. i was very harsh actually cos of my disappointment and shame and i probably upset him very much but it just shows how misleading this internet dating business can be. my other friend met her partner online (after many disappointing encounters mind you), they've been together just over a year, they got married in december and they're trying for a baby! but they lived relatively close to each other. so it does work out sometimes but i usually say that if someone is looking for love online chances are there is a good reason to why they didn't succeed at regular dating... hell, i tried both and still i failed to find my perfect prince! lol
apulThreads: 1
Posts: 21
Joined: Feb 11, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 4, 09, 21:47    #4
Yes I think it is possible,
Because my brother met his wife via the net now they have a little boy and still happy married doing better than me,
PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 21:55    #5
I may say that sometimes they behive like in real relationship, so laugh, tears, quarrels. I wish her all the best, but... you never know who is on the other side of screen.
Also we heard that it works. Even here I read that "I am half english-spanish", "I'm half polish-english" etc. So.. people are trying. If someone is realy worthy of corse ;)
I'll add that he is Dutchman.
apulThreads: 1
Posts: 21
Joined: Feb 11, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 4, 09, 22:05    #6
Good luck to her and you
JustysiaSThreads: 15
Posts: 2,869
Joined: Oct 14, 07  Pictures: 2  Gold Member MEMBER ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 22:16    #7
Pomorzanka:
I may say that sometimes they behive like in real relationship, so laugh, tears, quarrels.

yes the feelings are there, but the person isn't and the image she created in her mind might be shattered when they meet in person. time will tell, look out for your friend.
PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 22:33    #8
Also he said to her "Isn't the same like guys on war or in army? When girl waits on her man. Only letters. Even no phons or videocalls?" People ealier were more patient than now. Now everything goes faster, fast life, fast relationship, fast sex :], fast marriages...
McCoyThreads: 46
Posts: 1,756
Joined: Jul 3, 08 ♂ 		 Mar 4, 09, 22:38    #9
Pomorzanka:
Is possible to love someone who you haven't seen?

have you written a letter to Bravo? they've some good specialists to solve problems like that.
apulThreads: 1
Posts: 21
Joined: Feb 11, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 4, 09, 22:40    #10
That’s the world we live in now
People don’t have patents like they use to,
It’s all now now

But that’s up to you and your friend,
Someone told me go slowly thats how you'll find out about him and if it goes pear shape you don’t get hurt as mush
MistyThreads: 6
Posts: 196
Joined: Jul 20, 08 ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 22:53    #11
This is a hard one Pomorzanka. This is someone she has been in contact with for a year and although she might tell you much, you haven't been witness to all their conversations. In their conversations have they used live webcam so that they at least know what each other looks like with out the unreliable still picture? Even though it's slightly shallow to say, until she meets and touches/feels the real guy she won't know her absolute real feelings for him. So far they have relied on verbal, perhaps some visual, contact but there are so many aspects to a relationship.

People meet so many different ways these days that it's hard to say that any way of meeting is the best way or the wrong way. Your friend is very convinced that this guy is her "one". As her friend you just have to be there for her. Tell her that whatever happens in her life, you're her friend and you'll stick by her. If she meets this guy and he is the worst things in the world then you'll be the friend who helps her through that but if he's the guy who is her absolute world then you can be the one who celebrates that with her. Just be there for her, as her friend, either way.

Life is far, far too short to back off from chances at happiness. Give your friend support whatever happens.
PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		 Mar 4, 09, 23:16    #12
McCoy:
have you written a letter to Bravo? they've some good specialists to solve problems like that.

Very funny. If you have nothing to say so better keep silent.

Misty:
Give your friend support whatever happens.

Yes, I'll always support her, whatever it will be, whatever will happen.

I have one hope, no matter what will happen, at least would be nice if they will stay as friends. Friendship for sure it is possible.

Maybe because they are young (objectively) and have other perspectives than older people? She 27, He 29. And are free, so nothing stays on their way.
RandalThreads: 1
Posts: 758
Joined: Feb 14, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 5, 09, 00:12    #13
Pomorzanka:
Is possible to love someone who you haven't seen?

I think it is possible. I further think that one gets to know someone even better through their words than with all the complicating social pressures of meeting in person.
But with that said, you just never know until you do meet them in person if the physical attraction is there. If it isn’t, if there is no chemistry, there’s no fixing it.
Love is always risky. It doesn’t matter if it is in a pub or in a chat room.
MistyThreads: 6
Posts: 196
Joined: Jul 20, 08 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 01:20    #14
Randal:
Love is always risky. It doesn’t matter if it is in a pub or in a chat room.

I think those words are marvelous. In today's world, people can meet anywhere and if they have that small chance at building a happy life...then go for it! No one knows how long it can last, so enjoy it while it does.

Pomorzanka:
Yes, I'll always support her, whatever it will be, whatever will happen.

I can see that from the concern you've already expressed. You're a good friend to her and supportive I suppose and she'll remember that through her highs and lows.
PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		Edited by: Pomorzanka  Mar 5, 09, 01:43    #15
Good point. People should take risk, because every one has only one life. If will fail.. at least will be experienced in this more. One life experience more. After all we learn from our mistakes.

mistake
plk123Threads: 30
Posts: 6,412
Joined: Aug 29, 07  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: plk123  Mar 5, 09, 01:47    #16
Pomorzanka:
I think. She is really enchanted.

she needs a cold shower and some serious talking too.

Randal:
I further think that one gets to know someone even better through their words than with all the complicating social pressures of meeting in person.

nope.. i disagree.. with typed words or even just sound one can spin a real yarn. face to face it is much harder.. of course after the groundwork is laid, the face to face may not be much of a hurdle after all.

apul:
my brother met

the operative word being "MET" which in this case is null and void.
CalicoeThreads: 1
Posts: 205
Joined: Aug 15, 08 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 01:55    #17
plk123:
nope.. i disagree.. with typed words or even just sound one can spin a real yarn. face to face it is much harder.. of course after the groundwork is laid, the face to face may not be much of a hurdle after all.

JustysiaS:
i invited him over and when i saw him in the flesh i knew instantly i am not attracted to him, he is a creep and like a totally different person. i was very harsh actually cos of my disappointment and shame and i probably upset him very much but it just shows how misleading this internet dating business can be.

I think Justysia and Plk123 make some valid points. However, in this day and age everyone is on the internet, and it has also become a valid way of meeting people. I met really good girl pals on the net, who are close friends to this day. I have not tried internet dating yet, but I think I am the one left behind and old fashioned on that account.

I agree with both Justysia and Plk because they mention the pitfalls but also the possibilities. I think there are pitfalls in face-to-face dating as well. However, with the internet, it is a different enviornment so there are different caveats and pitfalls to keep in mind. On the one hand, you can really get to know a person's mind and thinking first through words, which doesn't happen as easily as face-to-face casual dating. You can also observe them through their interactions on a forum, and really get a sense of their personality, which is a plus.

But, there is the whole other physical dimension missing - and I don't just mean what they look like, but how they are in person, and the actual circumstances of their life. If you can keep this in mind, and try to find out as much as possible while still holding this in reserve without eliminating everything before it starts, your friend may have a chance.

I don't agree that if someone meets others online there is something wrong with them - that is a stereotype that is quickly becoming outdated.
MistyThreads: 6
Posts: 196
Joined: Jul 20, 08 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 02:01    #18
Calicoe:
I think Justysia and Plk123 make some valid points. However, in this day and age everyone is on the internet,

They both do indeed. Everyone is indeed on the Internet and for that, I have personally been grateful. I've had to make arrangements using the MSN/Skype and without, family member would have been without contact in the last 48 hours. It's a good thing.

There is no way of saying that face-to-face dating or Internet is the best because either could turn out to be the worst, or the best. People just have to give it their best shot. Good friends surrounding is the key to surviving either.
Wyspianska Edited by: Wyspianska  Mar 5, 09, 02:07    #19
I met my boyfriend on this site... LOL. We are very happy together for over half a year now even though when we first talked I was living in Poland and he was living in England so technically all we had was internet, untill we met in person obviously. You never know what might happen, just wait till they meet and have a support for your friiend in case things didn't work out. Also, I think it matters whether they met on the chat site, any kind of a dating thingy or was it just completely unexpectable. I would have probably trusted my boyfriend less back then if he didn't find me here but using a dating service. At the end of the day I was sure he wasn't looking for a girl (he wouldn't have been doing it on Polish Forums!), he just fell for me because I'm so awesome. haha
RandalThreads: 1
Posts: 758
Joined: Feb 14, 09 ♂ 		Edited by: Randal  Mar 5, 09, 02:08    #20
plk123:
with typed words or even just sound one can spin a real yarn.

Well, of course anyone can be dishonest and misrepresent themselves. Perhaps Pomorzanka’s friend’s online boy is really an old toothless Eskimo woman in Alaska? My words, and I felt this thread, assumed that everyone involved is on the level. If we’re talking about deceit in online romance then this takes our conversation here in an altogether different direction. Maybe even requiring its own thread.

JustysiaS:
i was very harsh actually cos of my disappointment and shame and i probably upset him very much

There's that man-crusher! :D
CalicoeThreads: 1
Posts: 205
Joined: Aug 15, 08 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 02:30    #21
Randal:
I think it is possible. I further think that one gets to know someone even better through their words than with all the complicating social pressures of meeting in person.
But with that said, you just never know until you do meet them in person if the physical attraction is there. If it isn’t, if there is no chemistry, there’s no fixing it.
Love is always risky. It doesn’t matter if it is in a pub or in a chat room.

Yes, I overlooked this response previously, but it really does sum it up.
MistyThreads: 6
Posts: 196
Joined: Jul 20, 08 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 02:39    #22
Calicoe:
Yes, I overlooked this response previously, but it really does sum it up.

Although I quoted the latter part of his post earlier I do accept that the rest of it has a great truth. These two people have managed to have large area of conversation without others because of the fact they are chatting on line. Let these two people meet. The world is so very full of evil and sadness these days that to deny a chance at happiness is a sin.
RandalThreads: 1
Posts: 758
Joined: Feb 14, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 5, 09, 02:45    #23
Thank you, ladies. Now that we have established I know a thing or two about love and relationships, maybe we can figure out why I have such difficulty in such matters myself. Lol…
plk123Threads: 30
Posts: 6,412
Joined: Aug 29, 07  Pictures: 2 ♂ 		Edited by: plk123  Mar 5, 09, 02:56    #24
Randal:
Perhaps Pomorzanka’s friend’s online boy is really an old toothless Eskimo woman in Alaska?

that's all i'm sayin'.. ;)

Randal:
It doesn’t matter if it is in a pub or in a chat room.

i think so but i think you're limiting your perception via the internet if you haven't met the other person. a year is a pretty long time.
Calicoe:
On the one hand, you can really get to know a person's mind and thinking first through words, which doesn't happen as easily as face-to-face casual dating.

my point is that you don't really know if it's their mind or your own.. you more apt to fill the blank areas when only communicating through an impersonal means, like typing..

Calicoe:
But, there is the whole other physical dimension missing - and I don't just mean what they look like, but how they are in person, and the actual circumstances of their life. If you can keep this in mind, and try to find out as much as possible while still holding this in reserve without eliminating everything before it starts, your friend may have a chance.

bingo.. granted, if you meet a few times that makes things much easier..


Randal:
Thank you, ladies. Now that we have established I know a thing or two about love and relationships, maybe we can figure out why I have such difficulty in such matters myself. Lol…

the rest of you?
JucheThreads: 13
Posts: 356
Joined: Feb 17, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 5, 09, 09:58    #25
Pomorzanka:
Is possible to love someone who you haven't seen?

I love Karl Marx and Engels, and I have never seen both
ShelleySThreads: 18
Posts: 3,647
Joined: Jun 26, 07 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 10:17    #26
I think chatting for long periods of time create a relationship in a bubble it's not real, it's best to meet someone after a relatively short period of time - in a safe environtment, that way you don't build up some big fairytail picture and set yourself up for a massive dissapointment or put yourself in harmsway. As already mentioned, you really don't know if people are telling the whole truth about who they really are.
SoftsongThreads: 6
Posts: 588
Joined: Sep 2, 07  Pictures: 1 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 11:07    #27
I also think it is possible. It happened to me. But like others have said, it depends upon whether or not the other person is being honest and expressing his/her true personality. Everyone even face-to-face is on best behaviour, so it is always a good idea to be cautious.

Wyspianska made a good point, too. Dating sites are more prone to married guys, and others who might be quite the disappointment. I've belonged to several dating sites over the years, and when I am between relationships, I see the same guys over and over again.

My experience was positive. I met a young Polish man (not on a dating site) and we hit it off. We both were very honest about who we were and we wrote long emails several times a day for eight months. We felt we were in love, and we did love each other. However, like some others have said, you have to wait till you are in person to see if there is also chemistry.

We were nervous meeting, but he was exactly like who he was online. Only thing is that when we were actually together, I missed the emails! LOL And when we were separated again after really beiing together, the emails were no longer as satisfactory.

The lack of physical contact makes it more likely you can talk about who you are rather than just be in lust. Get to know each other.
PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		Edited by: Pomorzanka  Mar 5, 09, 15:38    #28
They met not on dating chat. They didn't search for "love". Firstly they had normal talks, about everything. They could understand each other. Also he had some healthy problems so as he told she was only one supporting person in those time.

Randal:
Perhaps Pomorzanka’s friend’s online boy is really an old toothless Eskimo woman in Alaska?

They talk via mic and see each other via cam just every day. So rather it is impossible :]
Also they're sending photos to each other. Where sittuation when we were talking in person. So I could met him like we met his friends. I can't tell that I know him like my friend, but seems to be nice person.

ShelleyS:
I think chatting for long periods of time create a relationship in a bubble it's not real

Both understand that is not easy to have a relationship there and even they don't call it like that. They call each other as friends, but.. they behive like that. I see what is going on with her. She even doesn't want look on other guys because said that she doesn't want cheat on him :) LOL. He has the same thoughts.

Today I read this thread to my friend (because she doesn't know english well, they're speaking in german). She laugh a bit, but also looked a bit nervouse of this all sittuation. We noticed that half of posts are on her side and half against her and I guess this made her sad a bit. But is good that people have such different oppinions and points of view on this not easy and delicate subject which is LOVE.
RandalThreads: 1
Posts: 758
Joined: Feb 14, 09 ♂ 		 Mar 5, 09, 17:09    #29
Let's face it, you can know someone for years and still not really know them. Ask anyone who's been through an ugly divorce.
PomorzankaThreads: 1
Posts: 39
Joined: Feb 18, 09 ♀ 		 Mar 5, 09, 17:18    #30
Randal:
Let's face it, you can know someone for years and still not really know them.

It's truth. And is no matter that is person from net or someone who you see in real just every day. Even your best friend can stab in your back. So there is no rule.

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