Should I bring gifts? - help with a polish wedding

♂

Aug 14, 11, 14:57 #1

Hello,
I am going to my cousin's wedding in Poland (my father was polish and came to england during the war).

I have been to one wedding before and just followed the english custom of taking the wedding gifts to the reception after the ceremony but, no-one else I saw had any gifts!

Obviously I was doing something wrong and my family would not say anything, this time I would like to get it right.

When shall I give the gifts to the married couple?

Thank you for your help

WroclawThreads: 77 Posts: 7,404 Joined: Apr 1, 06 ♂ [Moderator]	Aug 14, 11, 15:17 #2
When shall I give the gifts to the married couple? not gifts, but gift. u should be able to slip them the envelope at the reception. a lot of folks go for cash and not toasters etc. check with your aunt and uncle or whoever. or just ask your cousin.

♀

Aug 14, 11, 20:57 #3

I too was a guest at a wedding. Before going, I asked some Polish friends about buying presents and they said that I ahould put some money in an envelope and give this to the couple as they come out of church and everyone is wishing them all the best There is always someone there to take the envelopes.
You will notice that everyone else is doing this too.
You can give them a card at the same time, or better still put the envelope inside the card, so that they know who the money came from.
Nothing else is needed.

delphiandomineThreads: 42 Posts: 9,954 Joined: Nov 25, 08 ♂ [Suspended]	Edited by: delphiandomine Aug 14, 11, 22:05 #4
Giving money is tacky and tasteless - giving the gifts at the reception is just fine :) (if they want cash, they're greedy cunts and shouldn't be given anything anyway)

♀

Aug 14, 11, 22:33 #5

Giving money is tacky and tasteless - giving the gifts at the reception is just fine :)

(if they want cash, they're greedy cunts and shouldn't be given anything anyway)

Not really. We have been to a wedding two weeks ago. The couple was not registered anywhere, and everyone brought an envelope. They've been living together for two years, so they most likely have the toasters, spoons and what not. I think giving money is just simple and practical.

♂ [Suspended]

Aug 14, 11, 22:37 #6

Not really. We have been to a wedding two weeks ago. The couple was not registered anywhere, and everyone brought an envelope. They've been living together for two years, so they most likely have the toasters, spoons and what not. I think giving money is just simple and practical.

And utterly tasteless, especially when money is demanded. I've seen wedding invitations (all from Warsaw, funnily enough) where obscene amounts of money have been demanded - in one case, 500PLN!

Sorry, but I'm just not a fan of money at weddings at all - unless it's close family who are able to ask outright "what do you want?" and get a straight answer.

(thankfully, I got plenty of presents at my own reception and very little money)

♀

Edited by: Marynka11 Aug 14, 11, 22:44 #7

And utterly tasteless, especially when money is demanded. I've seen wedding invitations (all from Warsaw, funnily enough) where obscene amounts of money have been demanded - in one case, 500PLN!

I've never seen in my life. Did they put a price tag on the invitation? If people do that it is indeed tasteless.

(thankfully, I got plenty of presents at my own reception and very little money)

Funny how you say "I got" and "my own reception". Did you get married to yourself?
Either way, congratulations. Seems like a new development :)

♂

Aug 14, 11, 22:48 #8

Delph, I agree with Marynka.

=Marynka11]They've been living together for two years, so they most likely have the toasters, spoons and what not. I think giving money is just simple and practical.

I am sure nowadays people prefer to spend the gift money on what they really want and like. In the communist past it was different- there were no goods in shops so receiving a toaster or a fridge was a pleasant surprise, especially that there were only two or three types of fridges available.
Today, you can choose from tens or even hundreds of types.

It doesn`t make sense to try to make people happy against their will.

Why am I talking about fridges? When I got married, my inlaws gave us a sum of money which was spent on a fridge we liked. And it is still working after all those years! :):):):)

PS. Two years ago when my only nephew was getting married we gave them 1376 zlotys in an envelope.

plgrl	Aug 14, 11, 23:05 #9
delphiandomine A wedding is a great expense.

plgrl	Aug 14, 11, 23:07 #10
pawian What about list of gifts?

pawianThreads: 90 Posts: 5,415 Joined: May 30, 08 ♂	Aug 14, 11, 23:14 #11
What about list of gifts? What is it?

SiegfriedThreads: 2 Posts: 103 Joined: Aug 8, 08 ♂	Oct 12, 11, 13:44 #12
here is a short description of polsih wedding and when do what ;) http://www.comevisitpoland.com/2011/10/what-to-expect-on-polish-weddin g/

WielkiPolakThreads: 21 Posts: 155 Joined: Jun 3, 11 ♂	Oct 12, 11, 13:52 #13
I do not agree with delphiandomine on most stuff, usually political, but money does it seem a bit tacky. I mean you would not give an envelope with money at Christmas because it is practical. The only problem with gifts is that they might get 5 toasters and 5 kettels etc. Unless the people who are invited get together and know who is giving what.

PWEIThreads: 5 Posts: 894 Joined: Jul 28, 11 ♂	Oct 12, 11, 13:57 #14
WielkiPolak I do not agree with delphiandomine on most stuff, usually political, but money does it seem a bit tacky. Tacky or not (I personally see the logic of giving money at a wedding), it is what is done in Poland.

♂

Oct 12, 11, 14:11 #15

hi, i got married to a polish woman in july. On our invitations the only thing we asked was that instead of bringing flowers could our guests compensate this with red wine. On the day outside the church some people brought flowers (a handfull) its tradition apparently! But most bought us bottles of wine, and handed us envelopes with cash in. One guest bought us a gift. We never specified what we wanted ie money they just turned up with the cash.
I think your taking away the main point of the day thought its a coming together of 2 people that love each other and im sure they will be happy with whatever you get them as long as your there!!

gumishuThreads: 17 Posts: 3,943 Joined: Apr 6, 09 ♂	Oct 12, 11, 14:15 #16
Tacky or not (I personally see the logic of giving money at a wedding), it is what is done in Poland. it's just practical - it was gifts before - but then situations arose that the newly wed couples ended up with 10 irons, 11 coffee machines, 3 vacuum cleaners, and 13 expensive hair-dryers - people decided then that cash is much more practical

TeffleThreads: 28 Posts: 2,105 Joined: Aug 26, 10 ♂	Edited by: Teffle Oct 12, 11, 14:44 #17
I agree with the money thing in that I think it's tacky. I think of mafia weddings, envelopes that kind of thing. But as mentioned, if it's what is done then so be it. Otherwise, the wedding list idea is a good one (although a bit charmless) to ensure: newly wed couples ended up with 10 irons, 11 coffee machines, 3 vacuum cleaners, and 13 expensive hair-dryers ...that this doesn't happen!

peterwegThreads: 35 Posts: 1,997 Joined: Feb 16, 07 ♂	Oct 12, 11, 18:41 #18
I agree with the money thing in that I think it's tacky. I think of mafia weddings, envelopes that kind of thing. I was told giving anything buy cash is insulting in Poland. Mind you, you can always give both.

PWEIThreads: 5 Posts: 894 Joined: Jul 28, 11 ♂	Oct 12, 11, 18:47 #19
peterweg I was told giving anything buy cash is insulting in Poland. Mind you, you can always give both. Or just leave the receipt in the box and make sure that the store allows returns.

♂ [Suspended]

Oct 13, 11, 01:00 #20

PWEI:

Tacky or not (I personally see the logic of giving money at a wedding), it is what is done in Poland.

I don't like it for one simple reason - I do not and never will want to get into a pissing contest over who handed over the most cash.

peterweg:

I was told giving anything buy cash is insulting in Poland.

Insulting for village peasants who have no idea about manners, perhaps.

The whole thing of giving money just seems to be an extension of the horrific Polish habit of "look how big my penis is, it's grown x amount in 22 years".

♂

Oct 13, 11, 05:18 #21

delphiandomine:

The whole thing of giving money just seems to be an extension of the horrific Polish habit of "look how big my penis is, it's grown x amount in 22 years".

its not just poland where giving money is acceptable, i have been to a few weddings in australia where money was perfectly acceptable.

the other new thing is couples setting up an account with a travel agent and you can make anonymous transfers to their online account and they use that money for their holiday.

the rule of thumb down here is that around $100 per person either gift/cash is acceptable.

♀

Oct 13, 11, 05:54 #22

gumishu:

people decided then that cash is much more practical

it is, cause they can go buy their own appliances/pay for their honey moon or whatever..

makes sense!

delphiandomine:

Insulting for village peasants who have no idea about manners, perhaps.

I tried one time to send money for genealogy , And it was refused, maybe some just dont want to feel like
they are charity case,That wasnt my intentions and I said that, but he still refused. I still wanted to do
something nice for him for helping me.. but it was just a nice gesture, he said he would even fly here and
fly back with me if i ever came to poland.

sometimes its not culture, but pride, that isnt something exclusive to polish, maybe to
people in general, cause they dont want to look bad, opression, depression, handouts call it what you want
even in weddings, if they choose gifts so be it..

I think those who make enough money, dont want people to think otherwise of them, and you know nice gestures
can be mistaken for sterotypes ( people thinking all polish are poor) or so they think this is what might be thought
of them because of the war, their economic situation before.

but others a fine tuned to give when you recieve.. you dont feel right by not giving something for their help..

so anyways, my two cents,, if it makes sense.. lol

♀

Edited by: ASG Oct 13, 11, 05:54 #23

Just bring an envelope with cash. Tacky? Not really... more like practical. if they aren't registered anywhere then what else would you get them? What if you got them something they already have and do not need? It's not just Poland, this is all over the world. The last 3 weddings I have been to (1 in Poland, 2 in Canada) was all cash gifts.

It's just the way society is, it's blatantly capitalistic... but that's another topic altogether.

beckskiThreads: 19 Posts: 2,148 Joined: May 15, 07 MEMBER ♀	Oct 13, 11, 06:04 #24
Wroclaw: a lot of folks go for cash and not toasters etc My cousin told my siblings & myself, she preferred to receive cash gifts at her Polish wedding. I think some of my relatives in Poland are under the assumption, the Polish-American cousins are financially well off. A sincere thanks PF, for putting up with me FIVE terrific years, muah!

POLAND . The Unofficial Guide	Unanswered \| Archives
POLAND . The Unofficial Guide	Poland Tips and Ideas	Witamy, Guest \| PF Members \| Gold Members

Home \| Unanswered \| Archives \| Random \| Statistics	Time in Poland: 03:03 / May 27
About Us \| Contact Us \| Rules, Privacy \| Poland Advertising	© 2005-12 PolishForums.com