Borderlands jokes
Colonel Wołłeyko is an archetypical hero of Bordelands jokes, a womanizer, a drunkard, a reveller, intelligent but with rough manners - something of the lesser image of General Bolesław Wieniawa-Długoszewski, who once said:
"Do I - a man with gray hair - have to teach you how to deal with women? Sir, one can find a woman crying, but to leave her such? Never!"
Colonel Wołłeyko is a guest of honour at the garrison commander's dinner party. While conversing with the hostess he suddenly let go with a gigantic fart. Embarrassed, he starts making noises by rubbing the leg of his chair with his shoe. The hostess says:
- Colonel, the furniture will get destroyed but the tone will be still out of tune.
The expression: "Mebel pan zniszczysz a tonu i tak nie dobierzesz", derived from this joke, is quite popular in Polish.
Colonel Wołłeyko dances with young Sophie.
- Miss Sophie, here is a little riddle for you. What is it: red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple?
- A rainbow, Colonel Sir - Sophie responds charmingly.
- Not true, an ass whipped with sticks!
Colonel Wołłeyko converses with a young lady.
- Why, Miss Sophie, you have such a beautiful dress tonight.
- And did you ever, Sir Colonel, see anything ugly on me? - She puts all her charm on.
- Yes, only master forester one time.
Colonel Wołłeyko, a known womanizer in the Borderlands, is hosted by the young officers in the officers' mess somewhere in a God forgotten garrison.
- Sir, how do you do that to be so successful with women?
- Oh, it's simple, I do everything step by step.
- ???
- Step one: I walk into a ballroom in style.
- Step two: I scrutinize the flock.
- Step three: I come up, I bow and I ask a lady to dance.
- Step four: I dance and I say: You have such beautiful eyes and I would like to fvck you very much.
- Sir, one might get slapped in the face for that!
- One might, but I more often fvck.
P.S. When said in Polish, those jokes should be said in one of those charming Borderlands accents.
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